Post by Trav McBang! on Apr 2, 2011 22:45:06 GMT -5
*Everyone’s favorite backstage reporter, A-Two, is standing (you guessed it!) backstage. He straightens his tie and looks into the camera as some red font scans across the bottom of the screen.*
Alex Avice: Ladies and gentlemen, I have been informed that you have…and I quote…t-minus 17 minutes to get your popcorn ready for the matchiest match to end all matches. What exactly does that mean? I can’t say that I’m even sure…but here he is anyways…Eric Valor!
*Eric Valor leaps…literally…into frame, holding out his arms. Since it’s a pre-taped backstage interview, there’s obviously no applause…which seems to upset Valor. He frowns and turns to Avice.*
Eric Valor: Sheesh…tough crowd.
Alex Avice: …Eric, there is no crowd. We’re backstage.
*Valor looks around…and yet, the disappointment doesn’t leave his face.*
Eric Valor: But I’ve had like three full matches at this point…THREE! Where are the girls, A-Two? The groupies? The Valiant Vixens?!
Alex Avice: I…I don’t think there are any.
*Valor shakes his head sadly and puts on a pair of sunglasses to hide the disappointment in his eyes.*
Alex Avice: If it makes you feel better, none of the other wrestlers have groupies either.
*Valor uses a finger to push his shades down to the end of his nose, peering over the top of them at Avice.*
Eric Valor: I’m not just any wrestler, though…I’m Eric Valor!
Alex Avice: Frankly, I think you should be worried about your opponent tonight than this hypothetical fan club. You’re facing a former contender for the Valiant title.
Eric Valor: Ah, yes, Callaway! The most acute performer in this obtuse little company.
Alex Avice: Did…you just make two angle puns in one sentence?
Eric Valor: You’re damn right I did, A-Two. Joking aside, Callaway’s a tough competitor. I take a lot of satisfaction in knowing that I’m going to be beating one of Pride’s finest tonight.
Alex Avice: Excuse me?
*Avice looks at Valor as if he’s crazy.*
Alex Avice: Callaway’s one of Pride’s brightest stars, how can you be so sure that a victory is in the cards for you later?
Eric Valor: It’s simple, A-Two…For starters, do I look like Josh Eagles to you?
*Avice steps back and looks Valor up and down, drawing a “the hell you doin?” look from the wrestler.*
Alex Avice: I mean, maybe there’s a little resemblance…
Eric Valor: Of course there isn’t, A-Two! Eagles wishes that he could look as good as me. Besides, you thought about that question way too hard. You see, I’m not Josh Eagles…
Alex Avice: Clearly. He’s the Valiant Champion.
Eric Valor: …I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that, A-Two. My point is, Callaway seems to be focused intently on Eagles lately. One sniff of the Valiant gold and it’s as if the kid’s a virgin on prom night. He’s got a one track mind and there’s nothing, not even little ol’ me, that’s going to distract him. Unfortunately, while he’s dreaming of pinning Josh Eagles and hoisting that title into the air…Eric Valor is going to sneak up on him.
Alex Avice: I don’t think Callaway’s the kind of competitor to overlook his opponents…
Eric Valor: Please, A-Two. I’m bringing something to the ring that he’s never even faced before…innovation. The X factor. I am essentially unknown to most of Pride at this point. …hence the lack of fan girls, obviously. So, despite his multitude of angles…against me, Callaway might as well be a circle. He doesn’t know Eric Valor and he doesn’t quite know what it’s like to face off against the most dynamic man to ever step into a Pride ring. When I step in the ring, I plan to send one message…and after I pick up the win, feel free to ask Stephen just what the message feels like.
Alex Avice: Well, at least you seem confident…I still think you’re selling Callaway short.
*Valor rolls his eyes and looks down at his watch. Judging by his reaction, something with the watch is amiss. He looks up to Avice.*
Eric Valor: Say, A-Two…do you know what time it is?
*Avice looks down at his watch, then back up at Valor.*
Alex Avice: It’s about 5 minutes until the show starts.
Eric Valor: Dammit, A-Two…one of these days you’re going to get this down. When I ask what time it is, I want you to respond that it’s game time.
Alex Avice: Oh, I can do that! Ask me again.
Eric Valor: No, no…you’ve ruined it. The moment is lost forever. Thanks a lot, Avice.
*Valor looks into the camera and points at it, as if directly addressing the KoP audience.*
Eric Valor: Go get your popcorn ready…tonight, Eric Valor defeats the human protractor. Trust me on that because…well, I’m Eric Valor.
Alex Avice: Ladies and gentlemen, I have been informed that you have…and I quote…t-minus 17 minutes to get your popcorn ready for the matchiest match to end all matches. What exactly does that mean? I can’t say that I’m even sure…but here he is anyways…Eric Valor!
*Eric Valor leaps…literally…into frame, holding out his arms. Since it’s a pre-taped backstage interview, there’s obviously no applause…which seems to upset Valor. He frowns and turns to Avice.*
Eric Valor: Sheesh…tough crowd.
Alex Avice: …Eric, there is no crowd. We’re backstage.
*Valor looks around…and yet, the disappointment doesn’t leave his face.*
Eric Valor: But I’ve had like three full matches at this point…THREE! Where are the girls, A-Two? The groupies? The Valiant Vixens?!
Alex Avice: I…I don’t think there are any.
*Valor shakes his head sadly and puts on a pair of sunglasses to hide the disappointment in his eyes.*
Alex Avice: If it makes you feel better, none of the other wrestlers have groupies either.
*Valor uses a finger to push his shades down to the end of his nose, peering over the top of them at Avice.*
Eric Valor: I’m not just any wrestler, though…I’m Eric Valor!
Alex Avice: Frankly, I think you should be worried about your opponent tonight than this hypothetical fan club. You’re facing a former contender for the Valiant title.
Eric Valor: Ah, yes, Callaway! The most acute performer in this obtuse little company.
Alex Avice: Did…you just make two angle puns in one sentence?
Eric Valor: You’re damn right I did, A-Two. Joking aside, Callaway’s a tough competitor. I take a lot of satisfaction in knowing that I’m going to be beating one of Pride’s finest tonight.
Alex Avice: Excuse me?
*Avice looks at Valor as if he’s crazy.*
Alex Avice: Callaway’s one of Pride’s brightest stars, how can you be so sure that a victory is in the cards for you later?
Eric Valor: It’s simple, A-Two…For starters, do I look like Josh Eagles to you?
*Avice steps back and looks Valor up and down, drawing a “the hell you doin?” look from the wrestler.*
Alex Avice: I mean, maybe there’s a little resemblance…
Eric Valor: Of course there isn’t, A-Two! Eagles wishes that he could look as good as me. Besides, you thought about that question way too hard. You see, I’m not Josh Eagles…
Alex Avice: Clearly. He’s the Valiant Champion.
Eric Valor: …I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that, A-Two. My point is, Callaway seems to be focused intently on Eagles lately. One sniff of the Valiant gold and it’s as if the kid’s a virgin on prom night. He’s got a one track mind and there’s nothing, not even little ol’ me, that’s going to distract him. Unfortunately, while he’s dreaming of pinning Josh Eagles and hoisting that title into the air…Eric Valor is going to sneak up on him.
Alex Avice: I don’t think Callaway’s the kind of competitor to overlook his opponents…
Eric Valor: Please, A-Two. I’m bringing something to the ring that he’s never even faced before…innovation. The X factor. I am essentially unknown to most of Pride at this point. …hence the lack of fan girls, obviously. So, despite his multitude of angles…against me, Callaway might as well be a circle. He doesn’t know Eric Valor and he doesn’t quite know what it’s like to face off against the most dynamic man to ever step into a Pride ring. When I step in the ring, I plan to send one message…and after I pick up the win, feel free to ask Stephen just what the message feels like.
Alex Avice: Well, at least you seem confident…I still think you’re selling Callaway short.
*Valor rolls his eyes and looks down at his watch. Judging by his reaction, something with the watch is amiss. He looks up to Avice.*
Eric Valor: Say, A-Two…do you know what time it is?
*Avice looks down at his watch, then back up at Valor.*
Alex Avice: It’s about 5 minutes until the show starts.
Eric Valor: Dammit, A-Two…one of these days you’re going to get this down. When I ask what time it is, I want you to respond that it’s game time.
Alex Avice: Oh, I can do that! Ask me again.
Eric Valor: No, no…you’ve ruined it. The moment is lost forever. Thanks a lot, Avice.
*Valor looks into the camera and points at it, as if directly addressing the KoP audience.*
Eric Valor: Go get your popcorn ready…tonight, Eric Valor defeats the human protractor. Trust me on that because…well, I’m Eric Valor.
