Post by Better Than Johnny Noble on Apr 8, 2013 12:30:54 GMT -5
As my gift to you I show you my version of the recent events in your life...
*clears throat*
The scene opens up with JDP outside and incredibly bored. Wrestling dirtsheets had spoken of the little guy trying to get bigger for a big contract in the WWE where some of the cliCK members washed up (see other thread). Rumours had it that the little guy had even got a gym membership, DVDs telling him what to do, and had a protein shake with and extra topping of steroids a day.
But yes. Our hero, if anything, looks scrawnier and weedier than before (if possible). He might have even shrunk a bit as well but with his height being a touchy subject I won't mention it too much. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway. Lil ol JDP sits outside his house throwing a tennis ball against his wall.
The routine is monotonous.
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He drops it and loses his temper. Jumping up and down before he picks the ball back up again.
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches...Well!
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He drops it again and it's too much for the little guy. He picks it up and turns towards the road and throws it angrily. Originally this was to be thrown into a car for all sorts of mayhem to happen. But then I realised his throw would probably be too weak to cause any real issues. So we just see the ball trickle into the road.
JDP: Kyle! Kyle! Kyyyyyyleeeeeeeee!
Not sure who John is shouting at because Kyle certainly isn't in the vicinity. The angry dwarf storms into his house, slamming all doors he goes past (even those he's not using) once inside to try and demand attention.
JDP: Where are you, Kyle!
He storms to his brother's room and finds Dobby the house elf sitting at the foot of his bed playing on his X-Box 360. His game, I hear you ask? Batman. Because no one saw that one coming did they...
Kyle: Leave me alone. I'm Batman!/gravely voice.
JDP: No one cares, Kyle. You need to come outside now.
Kyle: What, to play? Go away John. I'm not interested.
JDP: No, not to play stupid. To see....the spaceship!
Yeah...Kyle doesn't believe him either as his sceptical look shows.
Kyle: "Go away", he reiterates in script style because "I'm a sell out Knoble".
JDP: But...but....but the turtle!
John jumps back waiting for the usual response.
Kyle: The turtle's dead, Jonty. It's been like two years since you last saw it. And it's dead.
JDP sheds a single, solitary tear.
JDP: You still need to come out and play. Mom said that you couldn't have any Mac N Cheese later if you didn't....and no more food fights!
This seems to stall Kyle's thinking and he pauses his game.
Kyle: What do you mean no more food fights?
John leans forward to his younger (but taller...) brother's ear with a Gollum-esque grin across his largely deformed face.
JDP: She means you'll be banned from them!
Kyle: She can't do that!
JDP: Yes she can.
Kyle: No she can't.
JDP: Yes she can.
Kyle: No she can't.
JDP: Yes she can.
Kyle: No she can't.
JDP: Yes she can.
Kyle: No she can't.
JDP: Yes she can.
Kyle: No she can't.
JDP: Fine she can't! BUT YOU STILL HAVE TO COME OUTSIDE AND PLAY.
And that, ladies and gentleman, is when the bombshell hit.
Kyle: No I won't. Because...I'm retiring.
JDP:
You can't do that!
Kyle: I already did.
JDP pauses for a moment. Thinking his options through. Now, he decides, is to see what all his working out has done for him.
JDP: I won't let you leave me on my own!
He lunges forward and slaps Kyle who returns in kind. Basically. I won't describe this one. I'll just let you know it was like this:
The screen goes dark and "SEVERAL WEEKS LATER" comes across the screen.
We come back to several still shots of Kyle behind bars. A voiceover done from Chris helps us understand.
Chris: Dis fight, sahn. You should have seen it. It was right like dis shit that happens dahn tahn, right. Brutal shit.
We get some still shots of John Parker's mangled face. Blood pouring from everywhere. Or maybe we're just looking at a pool of blood, it's not clear.
Chris: Kyle Parker right fucked up his brother, yeah. Left him a bloodied mess. Then the po-po were called. The bobbies. The bacon.
Homer Simpson: Mmmmmmmmmmm. Baaaacooooon
Chris: The Old Bill. Or as these kids call em. The crackers. And Kyle? He got told his retirement was irreversible. He got 15 years inside and a lifetime ban from cucumbers. John still won't tell me why dat one is. Not even when I have him drinking in tha pahb.
And so would end the tale of the Parker Brothers.
Just then the angry Canadian guy who got minor parts in the JDP story walks past.
James: And people always thought that out of the two of us I was the more likely to snap, eh.
He shakes his head and walks off.
Fade.
BYE KYLE. NICE OF YOU TO WRITE
And if he sees this...............James.............happy birthday too. I know yours was really recently too. And make sure you upgrade to skype after MSN. I can actually get on that
*clears throat*
The scene opens up with JDP outside and incredibly bored. Wrestling dirtsheets had spoken of the little guy trying to get bigger for a big contract in the WWE where some of the cliCK members washed up (see other thread). Rumours had it that the little guy had even got a gym membership, DVDs telling him what to do, and had a protein shake with and extra topping of steroids a day.
But yes. Our hero, if anything, looks scrawnier and weedier than before (if possible). He might have even shrunk a bit as well but with his height being a touchy subject I won't mention it too much. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway. Lil ol JDP sits outside his house throwing a tennis ball against his wall.
The routine is monotonous.
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He drops it and loses his temper. Jumping up and down before he picks the ball back up again.
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches...Well!
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He catches (just).
The ball bounces. It hits the wall. He drops it again and it's too much for the little guy. He picks it up and turns towards the road and throws it angrily. Originally this was to be thrown into a car for all sorts of mayhem to happen. But then I realised his throw would probably be too weak to cause any real issues. So we just see the ball trickle into the road.
JDP: Kyle! Kyle! Kyyyyyyleeeeeeeee!
Not sure who John is shouting at because Kyle certainly isn't in the vicinity. The angry dwarf storms into his house, slamming all doors he goes past (even those he's not using) once inside to try and demand attention.
JDP: Where are you, Kyle!
He storms to his brother's room and finds Dobby the house elf sitting at the foot of his bed playing on his X-Box 360. His game, I hear you ask? Batman. Because no one saw that one coming did they...
Kyle: Leave me alone. I'm Batman!/gravely voice.
JDP: No one cares, Kyle. You need to come outside now.
Kyle: What, to play? Go away John. I'm not interested.
JDP: No, not to play stupid. To see....the spaceship!
Yeah...Kyle doesn't believe him either as his sceptical look shows.
Kyle: "Go away", he reiterates in script style because "I'm a sell out Knoble".
JDP: But...but....but the turtle!
John jumps back waiting for the usual response.
Kyle: The turtle's dead, Jonty. It's been like two years since you last saw it. And it's dead.
JDP sheds a single, solitary tear.
JDP: You still need to come out and play. Mom said that you couldn't have any Mac N Cheese later if you didn't....and no more food fights!
This seems to stall Kyle's thinking and he pauses his game.
Kyle: What do you mean no more food fights?
John leans forward to his younger (but taller...) brother's ear with a Gollum-esque grin across his largely deformed face.
JDP: She means you'll be banned from them!
Kyle: She can't do that!
JDP: Yes she can.
Kyle: No she can't.
JDP: Yes she can.
Kyle: No she can't.
JDP: Yes she can.
Kyle: No she can't.
JDP: Yes she can.
Kyle: No she can't.
JDP: Yes she can.
Kyle: No she can't.
JDP: Fine she can't! BUT YOU STILL HAVE TO COME OUTSIDE AND PLAY.
And that, ladies and gentleman, is when the bombshell hit.
Kyle: No I won't. Because...I'm retiring.
JDP:
You can't do that!Kyle: I already did.
JDP pauses for a moment. Thinking his options through. Now, he decides, is to see what all his working out has done for him.
JDP: I won't let you leave me on my own!
He lunges forward and slaps Kyle who returns in kind. Basically. I won't describe this one. I'll just let you know it was like this:
The screen goes dark and "SEVERAL WEEKS LATER" comes across the screen.
We come back to several still shots of Kyle behind bars. A voiceover done from Chris helps us understand.
Chris: Dis fight, sahn. You should have seen it. It was right like dis shit that happens dahn tahn, right. Brutal shit.
We get some still shots of John Parker's mangled face. Blood pouring from everywhere. Or maybe we're just looking at a pool of blood, it's not clear.
Chris: Kyle Parker right fucked up his brother, yeah. Left him a bloodied mess. Then the po-po were called. The bobbies. The bacon.
Homer Simpson: Mmmmmmmmmmm. Baaaacooooon
Chris: The Old Bill. Or as these kids call em. The crackers. And Kyle? He got told his retirement was irreversible. He got 15 years inside and a lifetime ban from cucumbers. John still won't tell me why dat one is. Not even when I have him drinking in tha pahb.
And so would end the tale of the Parker Brothers.
Just then the angry Canadian guy who got minor parts in the JDP story walks past.
James: And people always thought that out of the two of us I was the more likely to snap, eh.
He shakes his head and walks off.
Fade.
BYE KYLE. NICE OF YOU TO WRITE
There's a lot of people I want to thank for my time here, and across e-fedding...but I won't do it publicly. I'll be sending you each messages over the next week. Truthfully, you know who you are. I'll be saying more than thank you when the time comes.
And if he sees this...............James.............happy birthday too. I know yours was really recently too. And make sure you upgrade to skype after MSN. I can actually get on that
