No name loser

[Jason Phoenix]

I won again. But who gives a fuck. So what? I beat the guys’ ass and what do I have to show? I lost the only thing that I’ve ever cared about, and there’s nothing I can do about it. She’s gone. I can’t believe how fucking stupid I was. I didn’t need those other girls, it just…happened. I would meet one in a bar or something; she would give me a sexy look, and next thing I knew I was lying next to her naked. I don’t even remember half of their names, never bothered to even learn most of them. But it kept happening and I couldn’t stop…it got to the point where I would go to the bars almost every night in hopes of catching some dumb sluts’ eye. I would get home at 2 am with fifteen messages on my answering machine from a terrified Chloe wondering where I was and if I was ok. I would always just make up some bull shit answer like, “I was just out getting a drink with some of the guys” or something like that. She always seemed to believe me; at least she pretended that she believed me. She probably didn’t want to think the worse. God I am an awful person. What is wrong with me? I gave up the girl I loved for nothing. Now she’s gone, and I’ll probably never see her again. She’ll have a better life without me... How could I be so stupid? Now that she’s gone I’m angry all the time! I can’t deal with this! I can’t even walk down the streets without practically screaming at people for looking at me the wrong way. What’s the point of me living if I have nothing to live for? I have no job, no family, no friends. All I have is Pride, and even they’re starting to get on my nerves. Even when I win I still seem to get in trouble. I came to Pride so the cops would stop tracking me down for fighting, but now that Sterling guy, my “boss”, is trying to tell me what to do. He says I started the fight with that Dega prick. He thinks I’m as much as a no name loser as all the rest of them. I don’t care if I impress him or not, I just want to gain some form of respect around here. You would think that me winning fights would do that, but apparently not. Yeah I lost my first match, but I haven’t been defeated since. And now I’m thrown into a match with this Dega guy and threatened to be fired because he threw a bad punch? This is bull shit! I’m sick of getting in trouble for shit I’m not even a part of. But fine, if that’s how they want it, good. I know how to handle guys like that. If he wants to fight dirty, then he’s found the right guy. I’ve been with Pride for a few weeks now, but don’t think for a second that I’ve forgotten my roots. I grew up fighting on the streets, if he wants to play rough, then let’s play. I’ve got nothing to lose.