Post by Better Than Johnny Noble on Jan 22, 2011 19:46:53 GMT -5
Continued from SEEKAY
RING RING
RING RING
JDP: Yellow?
Kyle: Pages?
JDP: SHUT UP KYLE I ON PHONE!!!
Kyle: ...
Kyle bursts into tears and runs off.
JDP: Idiot...No, not you. My brother...And you want me to replace him?!...HE'S MY OPPONENT?!?!?!?!?!...Yeah, it's just round the corner from me...sure, why not...kk...k.
John puts the phone down and turns to look directly at the camera. He licks his finger and we fade out.
We fade back in to find the cliCK standing outside the same school CK stormed off from in an earlier roleplay. They are all acting normal except for Bob who has his hood up, sunglasses on and is looking shifty.
Ken: So when CK stormed off they wanted YOU to replace him, aye?
JDP: Aye. I think because I live so close.
Chris: Yeah m8. You wouldn't have been very far up the list on merit.
JDP: We'll have less of that.
Bob: Why the hell do we have to be here?!
JDP: They asked for the whole of the cliCK.
Chris: They did? Awww, that's so nice.
JDP: Not really. But I wanted some company.
Ken: YOU DRAGED ME OUT OF BED FOR THIS!
JDP: Hush up. You're have only been having a wank anyway.
Ken: GOD FORBID A LADDIE WANTS TO PLEASURE HIMSELF IN HIS OWN TIME EH.
Chris: GOD FORBID
JDP: GOD FORBID
Bob: HUSH UP! ALL OF YOU!
Ken: ...
JDP: ...
Chris: ...
Bob: What?
JDP: Bit stressed there Bob?
Bob: Look, if I have to be here let's get this shit done. Nice and quick.
Bob leads the way inside. The other three shrug at each other when thinking about Bob's actions before following him in. Inside a teacher greets them and takes them all to a class.
Teacher: So this is the class that you need to talk in front of.
JDP: And why exactly did CK storm out? I need to know anything that might give me the mental advantage going into our upcoming match!
Teacher: It was one of the questions he got asking him why he was gay. He flipped out and said that he'd banged the kid's mom.
Chris: LMAO! OH DAT CK!
Ken: Dangerous thing to do - trying to get the better of a kid with a your mom joke.
Teacher: Exactly. The kid responded by asking if CK got all his STDs from when his dad raped him as a child whilst his mom held him down.
JDP: ...
Ken: ...
Chris: ...
Bob: ...
Chris: That's even too far for me.
Teacher: Well I've since sent Dan home. You won't be getting any rude comments from him at all.
JDP: Ok, let's get this show on the road.
Teacher: Hold on a minute.
The teacher walks over to Bob and pulls his bandana down from over his face, pulls off his sunglasses and takes off his hood.
Teacher: IT'S YOU!!!
Bob: I don't know what you're talking about
Teacher: YOU HAVE BEEN BANNED FROM THESE PREMISES YOU SEXUAL PREDITOR!
The teacher pulls out her anti-rape spray and sprays Bob in the eyes.
Bob: AAAAAAAAAAAH!
Teacher: CALL THE COPS! THIS PEDO HAS BEEN WARNED ALREADY!
Bob legs it, still covering his eyes, and trips over a bin. He crawls away whilst the teacher pulls out her phone and calls the police. Meanwhile Bob bashes his head on a drinks machine. He fumbles his way to his feet before running as fast as he can. But just in front of him a locker is swung open by the nerd CK stuffed in it (Robert Edwards) and it KOs Bob! And at the same time swings back and KOs Robert Edwards!
Ken: Come on, let's go and put them in sexual positions for when the police turn up.
Ken nudges Chris and the two grin and move in for the kill.
Chris: We'll see you l8r sahn. Go in without us.
JDP: Ok.
John goes into the classroom.
JDP: So kids. It's me! The man! The monster! The star! Your idol! It's J...D...P!
John poses at the kids who are not impressed.
JDP: So anyone have any cool questions about how awesome it is to be a wrestler?
Kid: So who's your favourite band?
John is clearly put off by the question.
JDP: Errrr. An elastic one?
We fade to find Ken and Chris chuckling as the enter the boys toilets. Ken heads straight to the cubicle and shuts it.
Ken: I feel like the bloody BFG, Ken!
Chris: You're Ken.
Ken: Oh yeah.
Ken does the business but doesn't flush.
Ken: Gunna leave that as a nice little present for the next kid.
Ken leaves to find Chris using the urinal with his pants and trousers round his ankle - showing everything off.
Ken: CHRIS MAN! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Chris: I'm reliving my childhood, m8.
Chris spins round to talk toKen but forgets he's pissing and pisses all over Ken.
Ken: WTF!!!!!
Chris stops - finished. And is clearly apologetic.
Chris: I'M SO SORRY SAHN! HERE!
Chris grabs some toilet roll and tosses it to Ken but he drops it. Another kid - the fat kid CK pushed over earlier (Stuart Hunter) - walks in and heads to the cubicle Ken used. He smells the smell and immediatly bursts into loud crying - because not only is he clinically obese because of all his deep fried mars bars but he's also a big crybaby. Meanwhile Ken gets on his knees to pick up the toilet roll. Just then the teacher comes in, hearing the crying.
Teacher: WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON!
What she's looking at is Chris, naked from the waist down, standing next to Ken who is kneeling in front of him. Whilst a kid is crying his head off next to them.
Ken: ........it's not what it looks like.
Chris: Not at all!
We fade out to find the last member of the cliCK - Bob. He's recovered from his KOing but has a large red mark of his head. He is also in jail. He hums some Katy Perry to himself as he goes into the shower. As he hums he drops the soap.
The end.
RING RING
RING RING
JDP: Yellow?
Kyle: Pages?
JDP: SHUT UP KYLE I ON PHONE!!!
Kyle: ...
Kyle bursts into tears and runs off.
JDP: Idiot...No, not you. My brother...And you want me to replace him?!...HE'S MY OPPONENT?!?!?!?!?!...Yeah, it's just round the corner from me...sure, why not...kk...k.
John puts the phone down and turns to look directly at the camera. He licks his finger and we fade out.
We fade back in to find the cliCK standing outside the same school CK stormed off from in an earlier roleplay. They are all acting normal except for Bob who has his hood up, sunglasses on and is looking shifty.
Ken: So when CK stormed off they wanted YOU to replace him, aye?
JDP: Aye. I think because I live so close.
Chris: Yeah m8. You wouldn't have been very far up the list on merit.
JDP: We'll have less of that.
Bob: Why the hell do we have to be here?!
JDP: They asked for the whole of the cliCK.
Chris: They did? Awww, that's so nice.
JDP: Not really. But I wanted some company.
Ken: YOU DRAGED ME OUT OF BED FOR THIS!
JDP: Hush up. You're have only been having a wank anyway.
Ken: GOD FORBID A LADDIE WANTS TO PLEASURE HIMSELF IN HIS OWN TIME EH.
Chris: GOD FORBID
JDP: GOD FORBID
Bob: HUSH UP! ALL OF YOU!
Ken: ...
JDP: ...
Chris: ...
Bob: What?
JDP: Bit stressed there Bob?
Bob: Look, if I have to be here let's get this shit done. Nice and quick.
Bob leads the way inside. The other three shrug at each other when thinking about Bob's actions before following him in. Inside a teacher greets them and takes them all to a class.
Teacher: So this is the class that you need to talk in front of.
JDP: And why exactly did CK storm out? I need to know anything that might give me the mental advantage going into our upcoming match!
Teacher: It was one of the questions he got asking him why he was gay. He flipped out and said that he'd banged the kid's mom.
Chris: LMAO! OH DAT CK!
Ken: Dangerous thing to do - trying to get the better of a kid with a your mom joke.
Teacher: Exactly. The kid responded by asking if CK got all his STDs from when his dad raped him as a child whilst his mom held him down.
JDP: ...
Ken: ...
Chris: ...
Bob: ...
Chris: That's even too far for me.
Teacher: Well I've since sent Dan home. You won't be getting any rude comments from him at all.
JDP: Ok, let's get this show on the road.
Teacher: Hold on a minute.
The teacher walks over to Bob and pulls his bandana down from over his face, pulls off his sunglasses and takes off his hood.
Teacher: IT'S YOU!!!
Bob: I don't know what you're talking about
Teacher: YOU HAVE BEEN BANNED FROM THESE PREMISES YOU SEXUAL PREDITOR!
The teacher pulls out her anti-rape spray and sprays Bob in the eyes.
Bob: AAAAAAAAAAAH!
Teacher: CALL THE COPS! THIS PEDO HAS BEEN WARNED ALREADY!
Bob legs it, still covering his eyes, and trips over a bin. He crawls away whilst the teacher pulls out her phone and calls the police. Meanwhile Bob bashes his head on a drinks machine. He fumbles his way to his feet before running as fast as he can. But just in front of him a locker is swung open by the nerd CK stuffed in it (Robert Edwards) and it KOs Bob! And at the same time swings back and KOs Robert Edwards!
Ken: Come on, let's go and put them in sexual positions for when the police turn up.
Ken nudges Chris and the two grin and move in for the kill.
Chris: We'll see you l8r sahn. Go in without us.
JDP: Ok.
John goes into the classroom.
JDP: So kids. It's me! The man! The monster! The star! Your idol! It's J...D...P!
John poses at the kids who are not impressed.
JDP: So anyone have any cool questions about how awesome it is to be a wrestler?
Kid: So who's your favourite band?
John is clearly put off by the question.
JDP: Errrr. An elastic one?
We fade to find Ken and Chris chuckling as the enter the boys toilets. Ken heads straight to the cubicle and shuts it.
Ken: I feel like the bloody BFG, Ken!
Chris: You're Ken.
Ken: Oh yeah.
Ken does the business but doesn't flush.
Ken: Gunna leave that as a nice little present for the next kid.
Ken leaves to find Chris using the urinal with his pants and trousers round his ankle - showing everything off.
Ken: CHRIS MAN! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Chris: I'm reliving my childhood, m8.
Chris spins round to talk toKen but forgets he's pissing and pisses all over Ken.
Ken: WTF!!!!!
Chris stops - finished. And is clearly apologetic.
Chris: I'M SO SORRY SAHN! HERE!
Chris grabs some toilet roll and tosses it to Ken but he drops it. Another kid - the fat kid CK pushed over earlier (Stuart Hunter) - walks in and heads to the cubicle Ken used. He smells the smell and immediatly bursts into loud crying - because not only is he clinically obese because of all his deep fried mars bars but he's also a big crybaby. Meanwhile Ken gets on his knees to pick up the toilet roll. Just then the teacher comes in, hearing the crying.
Teacher: WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON!
What she's looking at is Chris, naked from the waist down, standing next to Ken who is kneeling in front of him. Whilst a kid is crying his head off next to them.
Ken: ........it's not what it looks like.
Chris: Not at all!
We fade out to find the last member of the cliCK - Bob. He's recovered from his KOing but has a large red mark of his head. He is also in jail. He hums some Katy Perry to himself as he goes into the shower. As he hums he drops the soap.
The end.
