Jaden Hunter Feedback

[X]

Sorry if the rp this week was a bit on the short side. I had a pretty fucked up week. I decided to omit the second half of this rp because it felt scattered.. probably due to me writing it at 3am.

Anyway, there you go.

[Obscene]

lol, I wish my long RPs could be half as long as your short ones.

I liked it. It's got to be one of the best I've read in recent memory (although I haven't had the time to read much lately tbqh). Awesome debut.

[X]

Thanks man. I am glad that it came off better than I thought it did. I am my own worst fucking critic it seems.

[X]

Part 2 is up. What did you think? Thanks in advance.

[Storm]

I honestly don't have anything substantive to say. It was really good and honestly the only feedback I can give is to "keep it up," haha.

One small thing though is I was a bit thrown off by the weird formatting when Fianna came into the RP and you bolded "The Sound of a Dog Approaching" or something along those lines. Since the dog approaching wasn't like a big thematic shift or anything of super importance significance, I'd personally recommend just writing her into the RP in the same style you did the rest. But, as far as substance and really just overall presentation and writing, you're spot on, Xplode.

[X]

You know, after re-reading that scene, you are absolutely right. I should have just blended it into the section. Thanks for the feedback though. Good to see things are going well.

[X]

Alright, next rp is up. I am currently in the middle of a handling a pay per view in the EUW so this roleplay may seem a little weak. I didn't want to throw in the towel though so there it is!

[X]

I just wanted to offer a quick apology to Robbie about my timing this week. It looked like I was sandbagging a bit but in all honesty, I didn't mean it to. The deadline for the roleplays happens to be at 8pm my time. There is too much fun to be had on that day, lol. On a Saturday night, being home at 8pm is tough for me. I usually post mine a few days earlier but I wanted to make that image for the new series, so yeah..

I am sorry if it seemed like I was using the clock to my advantage. It wasn't my intention at all.

[X]

Alright, I managed to get this RP up a bit earlier this time, lol. Any feedback is appreciated. I will return the favor.

[X]

Alright, my last roleplay is up. I tried to let it all hang out for the most part and pay respect to the match. I hope it hits all the right spots. As most will be able to tell, it is a bit of a closure for the character. The beginning of something greater so to speak.

Thank you guys for letting me compete with you. I will see you back in the ring soon.

-Jaden.

[Storm]

BAH GAWD WHAT A SLOBBERKNOCKER.


I'll read it later and actually give feedback

[Storm]

Good stuff - the only thing is I feel like even agreeing to talk to Xplode and all that was kind of an abrupt change - seems like maybe it should have been developed longer, though obviously your upcoming break may have forced your hand.

Also..."it's not like he's Delikado." Haha, gold.

[X]

Thanks Stormie!

Yeah, I had to sort of make things gel into a reason as to what Jaden will be doing during my time off. Rest assured though, Jaden's agreement to leave with his father is not what it seems at all.

Xplode being in the picture won't feel so rushed when I return. It should make more sense. Cliffhangers are fun! lol.