What's Worse Than Flaming Death? Me.

[Delikado/J-Noble]

What's Worse Than Flaming Death? Me.

Last week…[/i]

Johnny Noble: Last week, I challenged Orge, and got nothing. I've still yet to get an answer from the "Beastmaster." I can beat Orge Lambart. I can beat Josh Eagles. But being as they're not here, I'll just beat the next closest person...

Johnny turns, and kicks JDP again! He writhes about in pain...but suddenly, the lights go out!

Keith Oswalt: Not this again!

Eric Witz: Jesus, it's like a one trick pony up in this mother!

Suddenly, one single light turns on...but it's a light from a fire being lit in the ring!!! Johnny turns, and the lights come on, as Org Lambart is standing before Noble with a burning two by four in his hands! Noble stares nervously at the two by four and the burned man holding it. Suddenly, Orge swings it, and Noble ducks, but the flame burns a bit of his neck. He rolls out of the ring, and eyes Orge, who stares at him...

The scene fades in with Kingdom of Pride interviewer, Alex Avice, standing outside a building with the words “Tough ‘n Up” written on the front in big, bold red letters. Wearing his usual stylish clothing and gripping a KoP microphone in hand, the interviewer is staring dead-ahead at the camera as he speaks in reporter-like manner. What that means is up to you.

Alex Avice: Orge Lambart, one week ago in the Cookeville Community Center in the middle of the Kingdom of Pride ring, responded to the challenge of Johnny Noble in a physical manner that no doubt proved to be a verbal agreement to the match as well. Taking a 2x4 that was on FIRE and mercilessly swinging it at the head of Noble was something most rookies would A.) avoid or B.) be intimidated by to the point they would exit this company if it happened to them, ESPECIALLY when it is at the hands of “The Beastmaster.” However, we have gotten word that Johnny Noble is still 100% deep-rooted in his desire to compete in a match against Lambart, even after the match was made into a Hardcore Halloween Match. If anything, our sources indicate that the younger brother of Pride GM Kurt Noble is MORE demanding of the match now, but only time will tell how this will all play out as we come closer and closer to Death’s Desire this Sunday. Don’t forget, folks, that-

Before Avice can continue, a car door is heard slamming off-screen and the interviewer turns toward it, his eyebrows lifting in surprise.

Avice: Hold on just a second, ladies and gents. If that’s who I think it is, we may just be able to get a word from him n---JOHNNY!!

The camera turns and it is indeed Johnny Noble who is climbing out of his rental car and pocketing the keys as he walks toward the building. Avice moves toward Noble as he turns his head toward them after hearing his name being called.

Avice: John! Noble!

Johnny stone-solid and intense face locks onto Avice as the he rushes forward with the mic.

Avice: Johnny, do you have a minute?

Johnny frowns somewhat as Avice stops next to him with the mic held up. He looks toward the camera but looks away moments later. The camera zooms in on a bandage on part of Noble’s neck where he was hit with the flaming 2x4 just one week ago.

Johnny: What do you want, Avice? I’m not in the mood for chatty this afternoon.

Avice: Well I’ll try not to take up too much of your time then.

Johnny grimaces, having hoped his hostility would run the interviewer off. To no avail.

Avice: So Johnny, are you here at the Tough ‘n Up Gym for training this afternoon as you head into your big match with Orge Lambart this Sunday?

Johnny: No.

Avice: N-no?

Johnny: That’s what I said.

Avice: Then are you meeting someone here to discuss a strategy as you go into the no-doubt hellacious match with “The Beastmaster?”

Johnny: I am meeting someone, Alex, but it isn’t to discuss any “strategies” or “plans” or any of that shit.

Avice lifts a puzzled eyebrow as he listens to Johnny’s short and to the point responses.

Avice: Ummm…so you’re here for…personal reasons…?

Johnny: Sure.

For some reason, this seems to get Avice more excited like before as he lifts the mic up and talks quickly and loudly.

Avice: Johnny, are you here because you’re having an affair???

Johnny’s eyes widen in disbelief as he stares at Avice, who now appears to somewhat regret his obnoxious question.

Johnny: The hell is wrong with you? What if I was with my girlfriend, man? What if she was in the car? You going around asking stupid questions will get someone in trouble one day, you know.

Avice: You’re right. I’m sorry, Johnny. Even if you were here because you were having a personal affair is none of my business whatsoe-

Johnny: Stop saying that!!

Avice shuts up now and takes a few nervous steps back from Johnny, who is looking more and more intimidating by the second. Johnny sighs in annoyance as he stares at Avice for a few seconds longer in silence before speaking.

Johnny: Look, I’m here on a personal matter. It isn’t an affair. Who the hell goes to a gym to have an affair anyway? Now, I’ll be honest. I’d rather see you piss off right now and leave me in peace to go about my business, but I know that won’t happen unless I break your camera… or I answer your stupid questions. Personally, I’m not in the mood to hear Sterling…or my schmuck of a brother go on and on about relations with the press for hours and hours, so I’m not gonna break your camera.

Avice: Gee, thanks…

Johnny: Hey, I can only tune out so many chew-outs before they eventually give me a migraine. So…

Johnny leans toward Avice, close enough so that he can speak into the microphone and also look Avice dead in the eye.

Johnny: What’s on your mind, Alex?

Avice coughs nervously, clearly showing signs of the effects of the uncomforting intensity of Johnny Noble. He pulls the mic to his mouth to answer and ask his questions.

Avice: Well…I guess I’ll ask the most obvious question regarding how you feel about Orge Lambart’s response to your challenge last week that came in the form of a 2x4 swung at your head.

Johnny chuckles dryly as continues to stare into Avice’s eyes, as if he’s having a serious staring contest with the interviewer.

Johnny: Oh, it wasn’t just a swing, Avice. It connected. And let’s not forget that it was on fire at the same time.

Johnny pats the bandage on his neck as a crystal clear sign of where the weapon hit him last week. Avice looks at it with his mouth slightly agape.

Avice: I see. Yes, it looks like Orge did indeed do some damage to you.

Johnny nods his head, seemingly giving Orge his dues regarding said injury to Noble’s neck.

Johnny: Yeah, he did, but the thing people have to realize is this is just a simple little burn. It’s no major damage that will leave any permanent type of marks. Hell, I’ve gotten meaner and uglier burns flipping burgers at barbeques.

Avice chuckles at what he believes is Johnny’s attempt at humor, but when Noble isn’t smiling himself, the interviewer lessens his smiling a bit. Johnny stares at him for a few seconds and then looks toward the camera, although he’s still speaking to Avice.

Johnny: And less we forget, Avice, that Orge got this shot on me when I was unprepared and unarmed. If the balance had been on an even scale, then I believe things would have played out a tad differently than they did last week.

Avice: So you’re saying you would’ve been the one in control after your match with Parker when Orge showed up…?

Johnny crosses his arms and tilts his head, thinking. After a second or so, he shrugs nonchalantly.

Johnny: Maybe, maybe not. All I know is that on even ground, and even if I got a burn to the neck like I did, Orge would get something just as nasty coming his way, to his body.

Avice: Well, that even ground is indeed upon us after your brother Kurt made the match a Hardcore Halloween match.

Johnny: Well good for Kurt trying to interfere once again in something that isn’t his business.

Avice: You…you don’t seem pleased by this circumstance.

Once again, Johnny shrugs nonchalantly.

Johnny: Hey, you know, Alex, it is what it is with Kurt. He makes choices he thinks are smart, even when they’re not, and sometimes you just have to deal with it and accept the choices he makes. Fortunately this is something Kurt did that I can use to my advantage. As I said before, on even ground, with weapons at the disposal of both Orge AND me, the fight will be a different type of display; more of a sight to see than Orge’s attempts to recreate the World Series at least.

Avice grins at the humor once again.

Avice: Okay, now I feel I have to ask you how you anticipate Orge’s physical condition to be seeing as he’s just come back to professional wrestling after a long hiatus. On top of that, with over 65% of his body having previously suffered serious third degree burns, one has to wonder the shape he’s really in and just how much he can withstand going into a hardcore match with the caliber of an intense opponent like yourself in front of him across that ring.

Johnny rolls his eyes and rolls his neck out of disinterest as he listens to the interviewer’s question. When it’s done and a few seconds pass, the young Noble blinks and then answers.

Johnny: It’s true, Avice. It’s definitely true. A while back, that nut-job set himself on fire for God knows why, and now he’s come back to professional wrestling. Now, I’m not a doctor and I’m hardly the type of guy interested in the analysis of others, but Orge, the dumb son of a bitch, has put himself in a place where I can easily, easily make this match a living nightmare for him. I can royally screw him up, what with the burns and all, to the point he may feel, and the fans may think, that I'm about to kill him. No matter how tough a man may claim himself to be, and no matter what his threshold is, pain is pain, and in a condition where burns cover over half your body, some form of anguish will be felt eventually. Orge is no different. He's still flesh and blood and bone. It's just charred flesh, more runny blood, and brittler bones. And the fact that he hasn’t competed against a real opponent in months is what I would concern myself with even more if I were in his shoes. Months, Avice. That's what we're talking about. And let's not forget that despite its "clever" title, the Halloween Hardcore Match is STILL a hardcore match. Weapons free, anything goes as long as we get a winner, I can openly embrace my "inner hardcore" without having to deal with Sterling or Kurt's bitchfest. And I'm not even a big fan of that type of wrestling, Avice, but I do know how to use it to my advantage.

Avice really has no choice but to nod his head in agreement.

Avice: Yes, I suppose you do. But I want to go back to what you said before when you were talking about Orge's lack of real competition. I assume you saw his debut two weeks ago where he not only dominated Tommy Hargrove in a match, but also set him on FIRE!

Johnny isn’t intimidated by this fact, evident by his grin and scoff of amusement/disbelief.

Johnny: Yeah, I saw it. Even if I didn't, the "hype" behind it would've gotten to my locker-room eventually. Set that fat asshole on fire. But when you look at Hargrove’s resume, it’s hardly a loss for this company and it’s hardly what I’d call a “gain” for Orge if he wanted to make an impact with that attack. And now with that in mind, let’s take a look at Orge’s career so far in Pride, Avice. He took a lame bastard and schooled him. Then he set him on fire. Stay vague for a week, stay in the shadows most of the time, and then he comes back last week long enough to swing a flaming 2x4 at my head. Got a nice little hit, as I’ve already said, but that’s it. That is all there is to document and all there is to know about Orge’s career in the Kingdom of Pride. That’s all there is for the last couple of months too. Then, when you look at my career so far in Pride, you’ll find I have beaten and gone toe-to-toe with every man they’ve thrown my way. Big, small, guys at the top, guys at the bottom. It’s not even a question of overconfidence when I say that I have stuck to the rules and made my performances matter.

Avice: I don’t think anybody would disagree that you have had an impressive showing in this company since your debut back in August.

Johnny shakes his head, not interested in the sucking up of Avice, let alone what he has to say period.

Johnny: And I haven’t had to fall to a level where 2x4s and fire are my biggest tools. What I’ve got is the fact that I’ve trained each and every day and wrestled with a different sparring partner in a ring every day. Even before coming to Pride, that’s what I did. I stay competitive and I stay in the best shape possible. There will not be a five month break from me that sees me allowing my wrestling body and mind go to waste, crumble until it’s mush. And unlike Orge, I will never find a reason to try and off myself just so I can come back later on and try and pick up where I left off. With Orge’s state, he hindered himself more than anything else. He’s not gonna suddenly get some physical advantage being a burn victim who’ll bleed out of every pour if you twist him a bit. He’s not gonna gain some mental advantage, play any sort of mindgames, when his skin looks like the skin off a piece of Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Avice: Ha!

Avice snickers a bit more as Johnny himself finds a little bit of humor in that image, but not enough where he suddenly wants to break out laughing like the interviewer did. Avice coughs to stop his laughter while Johnny casually looks out into the street.

Johnny: But I challenged the guy and now I’m gonna set out to do what my intent was when I called him out.

Avice: And what was that, Johnny?

Johnny chuckles as he looks back toward Avice.

Johnny: I’m gonna wrestle him and I’m gonna beat him down a peg. What else? The guy wants to walk around burning people alive, speaking in cryptic Hell-loving tongues, chanting “666!” and worshipping demons and devils, then he’d better be ready to face the nobility of the wrestling world. I’m scared of monsters like Orge, and I’m sure as hell not scared of what he’ll bring to the Halloween Hardcore Match at Death’s Desire. After all, Orge already tried to kill himself before…and he failed. But “The Beastmater’s” eventually going to understand that there are worse things than death.

Avice: And what makes you believe that he will realize that, John…?

Johnny takes the microphone from Avice’s hand and stares into the camera intensely.

Johnny: Because I’m gonna be the one who makes him realize that. Come Sunday at Death’s Desire, Orge Lambart, you ARE going to wake up from your dreams of Hell on earth and realize what I’m really all about.

Johnny turns back to Avice, starts to hand him back the mic, but he then has a change of thought and instead places the mic behind the interviewers ear.

Johnny: There. Wear a mechanical flower in your ear, eh?

With that, Johnny walk off-screen and into the gym as Avice stands there looking at the camera awkwardly with the mic still nestled behind his ear like a flower.

Avice: Umm…that was Johnny Noble and I’m Alex Avice…with a mechanical flower in my ear, signing off…

He awkwardly shifts around and starts to pull the mic from his ear as the scene fades to black.