Oblivion Results - 11.21.10

[Kirk Noble]

Oblivion opens with Ike Rose standing in the middle of the ring, a microphone in his hand.

Kike Rose: The following match-up is a singles match scheduled for one-fall! At this time, I’d like to introduce a man who is making his return to wrestling…hailing from Long Island, New York…Rich Hamilton!

The crowd gives a very mixed reaction. All of the lights in the Arena go dark as one single spotlight shines in front of the entrance curtain. As “Not Going Away” by Ozzy Osbourne begins to start up, Rich Hamilton appears out of the curtain and steps into the vicinity of the spotlight. Rich looks around and scans the crowd a bit. The crowd is booing loudly as Rich Hamilton arrogantly walks to the ringside area. Rich walks up the ring steps slowly and then enters the ring via the middle rope. He quickly runs up to the middle rope of the nearest turnbuckle and raises his arms above his head. He flips off the crowd before jumping down and running the ropes a bit.

Keith Oswalt: Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to Oblivion! As always, I’m Keith Oswalt, and this is Eric Witz. Tonight, we’re starting off Oblivion with a bang, as Rich Hamilton makes his return to the wrestling ring. It has been well over a year since he last stepped into any ring at all, and we’re excited to have him.

Eric Witz: He’s a big man…but he’s about to face a big connection here…

*As "Digital Get Down" hits, Misty prances out wearing a hot little bra and pantie number. Mark follows, checking out her fine behind and licking his giant chops. Frank shuffles out and waves to the fans, the situation a little too awkward for him. Misty grabs both of their junk and leads them to the ring for the match.*

Ike Rose: And his opponent, weighing in at 400 pounds…Mark!

Keith Oswalt: This look to be an interesting developmental team. Says here that they’re the team called…Mark, Misty, Frank…

Ike Rose: It’s a Craigslist thing. You wouldn’t understand the joy of an cyber hook-up.

Keith Oswalt: I’m not interested in your masturbation, thanks.

The bell rings, and both men go to lock-up, but Rich easily moves to the side, and hits a few punches on Mark. He then drives his knee into Mark’s face, sending the big man staggering. Rich then runs off the ropes, and levels Mark with a spear! He begins to pound Mark into the canvas, as the crowd, along with Misty, boo the sexual deviant. Rich gets up, and hops on the turnbuckle, before jumping off with an elbow drop…but Mark moves, and Rich hits the canvas! Rich grabs his arm, and as both men get up, Mark lifts up Rich and slams him with a scoop slam. Mark then goes off the ropes, and goes for a leg drop, but Rich moves. Gaining momentum, Rich then jumps forward, hitting a neckbreaker on Mark. He pins him…

1…

2…

Kickout by Mark!

Keith Oswalt: Seems like Rich Hamilton hasn’t lost a step. He’s showing off his veteran experience by using his agility against Mark.

Eric Witz: We’ve had a lot of losers here in Pride…lets hope this guy isn’t one of them.

Rich tries to pull up Mark, but he’s too heavy. So, instead, Rich runs off the ropes…but gets nailed with a big clumsy punch from Mark! Rich falls, and Mark stumbles, before lifting up Rich. He shoves him into the corner, and Irish Whips him. Rich bounces off the turnbuckle, but dodges a Mark clothesline, and hits him with a Queens Cutter ‘03 (RKO)! Rich seems proud of himself, and as he looks over, Misty flashes him! He smiles, and yells “I’ve seen, and felt better bitch.” Misty gets offended, and Frank tries to calm her down (what a wuss). Rich then lifts up Mark, and hits him with a few quick knees, before locking him in position for The Headliner (Pedigree). However, Mark moves upward, sending Rich over him…but Rich lands on his feet! Mark turn around, and Rich nails him with a high kick to the head, sending him down!

Rich takes the time to get on the turnbuckle, and as Mark gets up, he moonsaults…but Mark catches him! Rich then wiggles out, and by the time Mark turns around, Rich kicks him and nails him with the Headliner! He pins Mark…

1…

2..

3!

Ike Rose: Here is your winner, with a time of 3 minutes and 22 seconds…Rich Hamilton!

Keith Oswalt: Impressive display of athleticism by Rich Hamilton. I have a feeling we’ve met a few force here in Pride.

Eric Witz: Maybe…I’m just upset the online establishment failed!

Rich quickly grabs a microphone, and speaks.

Rich Hamilton: Alright assholes, I’ll be quick about it. I’m here to rule Pride. Period. I don’t have to mask my intentions with crap about making this place, or coming back for “one last run.” I want to win. Actually, I will win. Why? I’m Rich Hamilton. I work less, get paid more, and have more control backstage than you. Next week, I’m going to prove it. I take this place by storm, and not that boring as Hell guy. I mean for real. Now fuck off.

Rich drops the microphone, and exits the ring.

Keith Oswalt: Strong, terse words by Rich Hamilton. Who could his newfound allies be?

Eric Witz: Rumors are saying Kurt Noble…but I like my job so I won’t say him…

The scene fades to black…

[Kirk Noble]

*Outside of the Kingdom of Pride Arena, Christian Kane and Dani are having a last minute brainstorming session. CK seems a little worried about his match later in the evening.*

Dani: “What’s wrong, Christian? You weren’t this worried this morning after we…”

CK: “Oh, get over yourself, bitch. Girls aren’t the only ones who can fake it.”

Dani: “Well...”

CK: “Yeah, ‘well’…For fuck’s sake, Dani, you never have anything to add to conversations.”

Dani: “What do you want me to say?”

CK: “Why don’t you come up with a way that prevents me from getting murdered in the ring tonight? It’s a little annoying to think that I’m in a No DQ match and I haven’t even got a plan yet…”

*Dani looks around until she spots the hobos from last week seated against the wall of the building.*

Dani: “Why don’t you rent a Gronk?”

CK: “What’s a Gronk?! I swear, Dani, if you’re just going to make shit up…”

Dani: “No, Christian…a Gronk!”

*Dani grabs CK’s head and turns it to face the Hobos. A sly smile quickly comes over CK’s face as he realizes how cheap the hobo can probably be bought.*

CK: “And this is why I fuck you, Dani.”

Dani: “I believe you were looking for the word love…”

CK: “Haha, believe whatever you want, babe.”

*Christian Kane walks over to the angry, homeless men. He clears his throat to get their attention, but both Weasel and Gronk ignore him. He clears it again, only louder. Finally, he uses his foot to nudge Weasel’s foot.*

CK: “Hey, I’m trying to talk to you, bum.”

*Annoyed by CK’s attitude, Weasel gets to his feet and stares into CK’s eyes, then at Dani’s cleavage, then back at Christian again.*

Weasel: “Oh, I’m sorry, Mr. Brown Roots…I just thought all that coughed was from the peroxide seeping into your brain and causing some form of cancer that only strikes bleached blonde idiots without any common courtesy.”

*CK turns to Dani, who gives a nervous chuckle.*

CK: “I’m just going to pretend you didn’t say that and get right to the point. I’d like to rent a Gronk for about an hour or so.”

Weasel: “Rent a Gronk?”

*Weasel turns around and looks down to his hetero lifemate, idly stroking his long, unkempt beard.*

Weasel: “Rent…?”

CK: “That’s what I said, isn’t it? I’ve got a match with those giant German bastards tonight…and as much as I’d love to go ten rounds with Kaja in the bedroom…”

*Dani scowls.*

CK: “…I’m a little apprehensive about taking on her boys without insurance. That’s where this Gronk comes in.”

Weasel: “So you want us to fight your little wrestling match for you, do you? Haha…Well, Goldilocks, Gronk and I could kindly like to ask you to GO FUCK YOURSELF! WE’RE NOT WHORES, YOU EGOTISTICAL BASTARD! YOU CAN’T JUST BUY WHOEVER YOU WANT IN THIS WORLD, WE’RE NOT ALL SLUTS LIKE THAT REDHEAD BY YOUR SIDE! TRUE, I MAY HAVE ONCE DONE A FAVOR OR TWO FOR JAMES BUCHANON IN ORDER TO GET KNIGHTED IN THIS COUNTRY…YEAH, I’M A HOMELESS KNIGHT, LAUGH IT UP! Just because we're a little down on our luck at the moment doesn't mean that we run around prostituting ourselves to the highest bidder! GRONK AND I THINK THIS WRESTLING THING IS A BUNCH OF HORSE SHIT, BUT WE MIGHT HAVE TO BUY A TICKET TO SEE THESE GERMANS RIP YOUR INSULTING, BRAINLESS HEAD RIGHT OFF YOUR BODY!”

*Shocked, CK’s mouth drops open as he looks to Dani. He looks back at the two hobos and shakes his head.*

CK: “At least I don’t sleep in a pile of trash and eat other people leftovers.”

Weasel: “Oh, there we go! HERE COMES THE JUDGEMENT! How can you honestly look down on Gronk and myself when you’re the one regularly putting his dick in the biggest piece of trash in this entire country!”

*Weasel looks at Dani and puts a hand on her shoulder.*

Weasel: “And yes, babe, I know that all these words can be hard for a woman to follow, but I’m talking about you…”

CK: “Okay, that’s enough of this crap! It looks like someone needs to teach you a lesson in how to talk to a bitch.”

*CK gets in Weasel’s face, prompting the Gronk to stand up. Christian looks up at the towering hobo and slowly begins to back away. He grabs Dani and begins to lead her off.*

CK: “Come on, Dani…These hobos aren’t even worth our energy. Maybe next time, they’ll piss off someone a little less self respecting than we are…”

*The Hobos laugh as CK and Dani briskly walk away. Weasel grabs a handful of old popcorn and begins throwing it at Dani.*

Weasel: “Have fun tonight against those Germans, you wannabe Chippendale.”

*He looks to Gronk and shrugs.*

Weasel: “Well, at least she seemed nice…”

[Kirk Noble]

"El Mudo - Chacarron Macarron" plays and the fans cheer. John Parker comes to the ring with a smile on his face, dancing atrociously to his music.

Ike Rose: The following is a singles match-up scheduled for one-fall! Introducing first, weighing in at 130 pounds, and hailing from Nottingham, England…John Parker!

Keith Oswalt: JDP quickly needs a way to get back on track. He seems to have been out of funk lately, and being attacked by the man labeled “Silence” may not have helped him.

Eric Witz: Yeah, I don’t know how having your brains mashed in helps. Great commentating as always…

A red carpet is rolled out all the way to the ring. The fans stand in anticipation wondering who is getting this kind of treatment. Suddenly Rhianna's voice begins to play over the arena's sound system.

"Feel it coming in the air (Yeah)
Hear the screams from everywhere (Yeah)
I'm addicted to the the thrill (I'm ready)
It's a dangerous love affair (Wassup, c'mon)
Can't be scaring nickel's down
Got a problem tell me now (Wassup)
Only thing that's on my mind
Is who gon' run this town tonight (Uh, wassup)
Is who gon' run this town tonight (Yeah, wassup, yeah)
We gon' run this town..."

As Jay-Z's music fills the air the crowd explodes into cheers as The Legend emerges from behind the curtain wearing sunglasses and black wrestling gear. The Legend looks over the crowd slowly with his trademark smile before walking down the aisle bobbing his head to the beat of his music.

The Legend climbs the steps into the ring and climbs the nearest turnbuckle as the flashbulbs all over the arena go off. Legend raises his arm confidently in the air before climbing down and preparing for his match.

Ike Rose: And his opponent, weighing in at 275 pounds, and hailing from Hollywood, California…The Legend!

Keith Oswalt: I absolutely cannot say I’m happy having this man on the roster. Did you know he makes more money than anyone on the roster?!?

Eric Witz: He can have my paycheck too for an autograph!

Chris Owens signals for the bell, and it rings. The crowd begins to cheer The Legend, who slyly shakes his head, as JDP preps himself. The two men lock-up, and The Legend quickly locks in a headlock on the much smaller JDP. He moves himself behind JDP, before smacking the back of his head! However, JDP then stomps on Legend’s foot, and locks in his own headlock on Legend. The Legend pushes him off, and JDP rebounds off the ropes, running right into a shoulder-block from Legend! Legend then runs off the ropes, and JDP kips up, before leaping over a rebounding Legend. JDP runs off the ropes, and runs right into a spinning uppercut, taking him right down. The Legend then locks in an armlock, and as JDP tries to pull himself up, Legend drives his elbow into JDP’s arm. JDP gets up, and rolls forward, before trying to break free…but Legend nails him down with a clothesline!

Keith Oswalt: Despite being a relative rookie to the wrestling business, The Legend is holding himself nicely here. He’s countered two reversals by JDP already, and seems to be able to take the smaller JDP down with little effort.

Eric Witz: Hell-O! He’s The Legend! Besides, he’s gained all-sorts of training. Fun fact: He beat Chuck Norris in a deleted scene of one of his movies. Oh, it happened. You better edit it into Wikipedia right now.

Legend gets a few cheers, before stomping down on JDP. He lifts up JDP, and Irish Whips him, before catching JDP and drilling him with a belly to belly suplex! The Legend starts to show off, pausing for a photo, before lifting JDP up. However, JDP responds with a flurry of punches to Legend’s stomach. Legend goes for a punch to stop him, but JDP dodges it, and hits a jawbreaker on Legend! Legend stumbles, before walking right into a dropkick from JDP! JDP then gets up, and begins to stomp Legend, who covers himself up in the corner of the ring. Legend tries to get up, yelling for the referee’s help, but he receives none. Legend then fires back with a knee, before running off the ropes…and right into a drop toe hold from JDP!

The Legend crawls towards the ropes, trying to exit the ring, but JDP pulls him back by the foot! He then goes to stomp Legend, and runs off the ropes, hitting a shining wizard on Legend! He makes a pin…

1…

2…

Kickout by Legend!

Eric Witz: Thank the Lord the match didn’t end there!

Keith Oswalt: Good Lord, this man crush is turning into an obsession, and it’s only been two weeks…

Eric Witz: YOU SHUT YOUR MOTUH WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT THE LEGEND LIKE THAT!

JDP gets up, and continues to stomp Legend, before lifting him up. However, The Legend breaks the hold, and begins to punch JDP, before hitting him with some chops. He runs off the ropes, and JDP goes for a clothesline, but Legend dodges it and hits JDP with his own clothesline! JDP gets up, but instantly falls victim to a float over DDT! The Legend gets up quickly, and motions towards all his fans, before grabbing JDP and trying for the Legendary Pain (Grapevine Ankle Lock). JDP squirms, before kicking him off! The Legend bounces off the ropes, and JDP gets up, going for a clothesline, but Legend ducks it, and grabs JDP for the Hollywood Nights (Rock Bottom). However, as he’s lifted up in mid-air, JDP turns the move into a roll, followed by a quick pin…

1…

2…

3-Kickout by The Legend!

The Legend gets up, but is quickly brought down from a Superkick by JDP! He then climbs the ropes, and jumps off for a frog splash…but The Legend moves! JDP meets the canvas face first, and as he’s recovering, The Legend reaches out, and locks in The Legendary Pain! JDP writhes about in pain, but after a few moments, can’t fight it anymore and taps out!

Ike Rose: Here is your winner, with a time of 4 minutes and 34 seconds…The Legend!

Keith Oswalt: Well, it wasn’t the most impressive win in the world, but The Legend pulled out a victory over JDP. Can’t say I’m happy…

Eric Witz: Not impressive?!? What backyard, gutter trash match were you watching?

Keith Oswalt: He has an impressive technique, but something about this man just hits a wrong chord in me.

The Legend stands up, and yanks his arm away as Chris Owens holds it up in congratulations. Suddenly, The Legend looks down the ramp, as “The Voice” begins to walk down the ramp, with a rather sinister look on his face.

Keith Oswalt: Oh boy…that’s the man that confronted Justin Kaard last week, and brought that monster with him!

Eric Witz: RUN LEGEND, RUN!

The Voice slowly gets into the ring, and is handed a microphone, as he looks over at JDP. He turns his attention back towards.

The Voice: It would be in your best interests, young man, to exit the ring immediately. I'm not out here to grace your prescence.

The Legend: See, I don't like some scraggly old used sock coming out here, and taking up MY air time! You know who I am, son? I'm The Legend! My movies have made more money than you and your family have ever made! Women flash so me just to say The Legend has caressed their breasts with his eyes! I-

The Voice: If you insist of flaunting your nonsensical "success," than I suppose you should be the one staying as well...

The Legend looks confused, and after a few moments, the lights go out! The crowd goes into a panic, and after a few moments, they come back on...and Silence is standing in the middle of the ring! The Legend sees him, and instantky freaks, jumping over the top rope to the floor below! Silence merely stares at him, before looking over at JDP! He walks over, and lifts up JDP, before slamming him into the turnbuckle. He then begins to choke JDP with one hand, as The Voice watches on from a distance.

Keith Oswalt: This is sick! What a coward!

Eric Witz: Shit, if Silence was trying to kill me, I'd bail out too!

Legend watches on, shaking his head, while yelling "They don't pay me enough for this!" He begins to exit the ring area, as Silence continues to pummed JDP, who cannot even defend himself. Silence lifts him up, and drops him face first onto a turnbuckle, before slamming a Big Boot right into his face! JDP falls, a bit of bllood gushing from his mouth. However, The Voice stops him momentarily.

The Voice: Recently, your peers have questioned this man, the man known as Silence. Why has he attacked this man, or Alex Avice? The reasoning is simply, yet profound in itself: You, and many others, waste the natural voices you were given with your obscenities and disgraceful comments. Mr. Avice, a man of the media, has payed for his wastefulness as well. But you...you are the first target of a Silence. You continue to abuse language, while Silence is not capable of it. So...allow the silencing to continue...

The Voice motions for Silence to continue, and he does. Silence uses his boot to grind JDP's head into the canvas. He presses his boot into JDPs' throat, as the blood continue to flow. After a few moments, Silence stops, and The Voice stands over him.

The Voice: In the end, you will no longer speak...just as Silence intends...

The Voice motions for Silence to follow him, and the two exit the ring, as JDP struggles to even get up.

Keith Oswalt: I don't like the look of this at all! These two, The Voice and Silence, seem to think that they're above everyone else for some ;righeous cause." I make me sick!

Eric Witz: I don't know about you, but I'm going to be a bit quieter from now on...

The two exit the ring, as the scene fades to black...

[Kirk Noble]

"Through The Fire and Flames" by DragonForce begins playing over the loud speakers while at the same time, red flames spray out of cannons on either side of the entrance ramp. Across the stage area from large cannons on either side. Around the same time, the lights go dim and the crowd begins to boo with rabid obsession. The curtains leading to the backstage area slowly open up and a cloud of smoke fills the now revealed doorway.

Two shadowy figures emerge from the backstage area, the first one, a rather large man, standing about 6'6 and weighing close to 350 pounds, his large upper body is muscular, and can be easily seen through the black tank top he wears. His legs are also rather large but are covered with green camouflage pants, on his face he wears a pair of black sunglasses, and his head is bald. As he comes out onto the rampway a little further the fans notice it is S’ven Swanson the Swedish Bomber, Orge Lambart’s right hand man.

Following behind him is another man, dressed in a long black robe. The robe is tied off with a blood red rope, the man has his head lowered and he slowly walks out from behind the curtain, as he exits the backstage area he stops on top of the ramp and raises his head, slowly looking out at the crowd. S’ven stops at the top of the ramp way and looks out at the booing crowd. S’ven begins to raise his arms into the air; he flexes them up and down a few times.

The first man slowly begins to remove the robe, as the robe begins to come off he lets it slip to the floor. Once the robe is completely off the crowd finally lays eyes on the "The Beastmaster" Orge Lambart, his face is horrible burned and scarred. His blue eyes glow in the darkened arena. His mouth is covered in a red liquid which appears to be blood. Orge wears a black velvet shirt, and a pair of baggy black pants.

The two men walk towards the ring area in a menacingly slow walk. When they finally reach the ring, S’ven pulls himself up on the ring Apron and than climbs over the top rope. While, Orge slides under the bottom rope and than moves toward the center of the ring, once there Orge reaches down his pants and proceeds to flip off the crowd.

Ike Rose: The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a fifteen minute time limit. Introducing first, from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, weighing in at 265 pounds, Orge Lambart!

The fans begin to boo as "Never Understand" by The Jesus and Mary Chain hits. Obscene walks out from behind the curtain shortly after, wearing a plain white t-shirt and black jeans. Ignoring the fans and focusing his eyes on the ground below him, he walks down to the ring and then up the steps. He climbs into the ring and backs up into a corner, giving a sly nod to his small following of fans way back in the arena.

Ike Rose: And his opponent, from Monterrey, Mexico, weighing in at 190 pounds, Obscene!

Eric Witz: Great, a match between two crazy guys. I’m not even going to try to call this one.

Keith Oswalt: You mean you actually try to call matches normally?

Eric Witz: I normally make the matches more entertaining with my ever so clever comments, but you know what, this time, I’m going to let you do it all yourself. See how fun it is without me, jerk.

Keith Oswalt: Finally, KoP will have actual commentary, not bickering as so often is the case.

As the bell rings, Obscene sprints at Orge Lambart, charging and attempting to take him down with a spear. However, despite hitting the spear, as Obscene gets back up, Orge Lambart immediately gets up as well, seemingly unaffected by the spear. Stomping Orge as he gets up, tries to take him down, but as he does this, Orge continues to get up, and finally as Orge comes to a full standing, he delivers a stiff punch to Obscene’s stomach before grabbing his arm and whipping him to the ropes. As Obscene runs back at Orge, Obscene throws a huge clothesline at him, but Obscene ducks underneath this and turns around immediately. As Orge does so, Obscene leaps into the air and nails him with a dropkick, taking him off of his feet.

Following the dropkick, Obscene gets back to his feet, pulling Orge Lambart along with him. Kicking Orge in the stomach to double him over, Obscene quickly wraps his arm around Orge’s neck before getting leverage and snapping his body back and hitting a snap suplex on Orge Lambart. Following up on the suplex, Obscene goes for a quick cover on Orge,

1...

Kick out! Using his great power advantage, Orge launches Obscene across the ring as Orge gets back up to his feet.

Keith Oswalt: Incredible display of power shown by Orge Lambart as he tosses Obscene across the ring!

As Orge rises to his feet, Obscene sprints towards him, but as he does this, Orge levels Obscene with a huge boot to his face. Not letting Obscene remain on the mat for long, Orge quickly lifts Obscene back up from the mat and throws him into the corner. With Obscene in the corner, Orge nails him with several body shots before grabbing behind Obscene’s arms and throwing him to the mat with a hiptoss.

Firing back up off of the mat, Obscene sprints towards Orge again, attempting to take him off of his feet, but instead of taking him off his feet, Orge catches Obscene as he goes for a crossbody and instead cracks Obscene’s back over his knee with a backbreaker! After hitting the backbreaker, Orge keeps Obscene locked in with the hold and pulls him back up to a standing position before hitting him with a flatliner, driving Obscene’s face into the mat. After hitting this, Orge goes for a cover almost instantly,

1...

2...

Kick out!

Keith Oswalt: Huge backbreaker flatliner combination move by Orge Lambart!

Despite the kick out, Orge Lambart keeps his emotions in check as he pulls Obscene back up to his feet before whipping him off to the ropes. As Obscene comes back Orge grabs his legs before flipping out and slamming Obscene into the mat with a monstrous double leg spinebuster. Throwing two elbows into Obscene’s face, Orge finally backs away from him, letting Obscene pull himself up to his feet as he stalks him. As soon as Obscene raises to a knee, Orge Lambart charges towards him, but as Orge does this, Obscene is able to drop Orge with a drop toe hold, letting Orge’s face slam into the mat!

Pivoting around, Obscene locks in a side headlock, pulling Orge’s face before being pulled back up to his feet by the overpowering Orge Lambart. Throwing Obscene off to the ropes, Orge walks towards the middle of the ring as Obscene leaps onto the second rope and jumps off before spinning out, catching Orge’s head and hitting him with a huge springboard DDT!

Planting Orge’s face into the mat after the DDT, Obscene quickly ascends to the top rope before leaping off and hitting a huge 450 splash on Orge Lambart, instantly going into a cover after hitting the incredible move!

1...

2...

Kick out!

Keith Oswalt: Good lord! Obscene’s starting to pick up the pace, that can’t be any good for Orge Lambart!

Furious that Orge Lambart was able to kick out, Obscene pulls him up to a seated position as he backs away from him and as Orge continues to climb to his feet, Obscene finally sprints towards Orge Lambart and nails him with a huge shining wizard! Having knocked Orge Lambart down to the ground again, Obscene finally climbs to the top rope again before leaping off of the top rope and nailing Orge Lambart with a picture perfect shooting star press! Hooking into a cover after hitting this, Obscene covers Orge,

1...

2...

3!

Ike Rose: Here is your winner, at 7 minutes and 3 seconds, Obscene!

Keith Oswalt: Obscene was finally able to pick up the pace at the end of the match and clearly in a battle of speed, Obscene had no problem wrestling quicker than Orge Lambart.

Eric Witz: Yep.

Keith Oswalt: Well, I guess since the match is over, you’re done with the silent treatment?

Eric Witz: Damn right I am, I bet the ratings absolutely dropped during this match. My voice makes this show work, without me, you’d be out of a job!

Keith Oswalt: Yeah, I’m sure.

[Kirk Noble]

*Knock Knock Knock*

*Guillermo Gonzales and Fred Feinstein wait patiently outside of the door labeled “JEREMY STERLING: OWNER.” The two mammoth accountants exchange knowing glances while waiting for Jeremy to answer his door.*

Gonzales: “I’ve been in this place for less than ten minutes and I can already tell you the books are going to be a mess. If I see flood insurance listed under ‘sunk costs’ from one more of these backwoods wrestling promotions, I’ll beat the owner’s ass myself.”

Feinstein: “I know what you mean. What is it about southern companies and writing checks that bounce more than strippers on a trampoline?”

*The CPAs share a perverse chuckle as Sterling finally opens the door. He looks the two men over, confused by their presence.*

Sterling: “I’m sorry…we’re not interested in giving try-out matches at the moment…”

Feinstein: “And I’m not interested in being judged just because I work out a little bit…”

Gonzales: “What he said. Mr. Sterling, we’ve been ordered by the United States Government to audit your financial records here at Kingdom of Pride. We understand that you do not have a full time accountant on staff and thus, the government just wanted to make sure that everything is in order.”

Sterling: “Oh…”

*Jeremy stands back and waves them into his office. He pulls a manila folder from his desk drawer and drops it onto the desk top.*

Sterling: “We didn’t really see a need for an accountant, honestly. The expenses and revenue seem fairly straight forward…and you can google practically anything these days.”

*He gives a nervous chuckle and slides the envelope towards the two giant men as they take a seat. The accountants don’t seem amused at Sterling’s joke.*

Gonzales: “We’ll see about that…”

*They open the folder and take one look at the balance sheet.*

Feinstein: “Sir, you’re aware that a sunk cost does not refer to things involving water, aren’t you?”

Sterling: “Actually, no…so flood insurance isn’t a sunk cost?”

*The accountants both groan and put their palms on their foreheads.*

Gonzales: “Sir, a sunk cost refers to expenditure that you’re unable to prevent, yet get no use out of. Perhaps, a roster member that you’re paying despite them being no longer employed by the company. Do you have any of those?”

*Sterling ponders the question, then remembers the team that they signed to jump start the tag division with a yearlong contract.*

Sterling: “Los Sexys! Such a mistake…but in their case, wouldn’t it be more of a suck cost?”

*He chuckles to himself as the accountants exchange an annoyed glance.*

Feinstein: “I’m sorry, Mr. Sterling. I was unaware that you’re operating a comedy club and a wrestling federation. We’re here to do a damn job and we’d appreciate if you acted accordingly.”

Gonzales: “And for the record, you’re the 43rd person to make that joke…really original.”

*As Sterling withdraws to let the men get to work, the looks on their faces grow increasingly worried.*

Feinstein: “So, you used…Google, am I right?”

Sterling: “Well…”

Gonzales: “Mr. Sterling, these financial records…well…”

Feinstein: “They’re shit.”

Gonzales: “Extremely shit. I’m afraid we’ll have to confiscate these records and work on them over the course of the next week.”

*The men stand up and begin to leave. Before they depart to head to a local strip club, Feinstein decides to leave a parting remark.*

Feinstein: “If you can think of anymore suck costs, feel free to contact us.”

*He takes a business card from his pocket and tosses it on Sterling’s desk. The name ACCOUNTANTS WITH ATTITUDE takes up the entire front of the card. As the men leave, Sterling looks at the card with a quizzical look in his eye.*

Sterling: “I’ll…um…I’ll keep that in mind.”

[Kirk Noble]

The live feed switches to backstage where a locker room door comes into focus. A young man, possibly in his early twenties, knocks on the door and speaks.

"Mr. Hunter…it's time."

The crowd begins to respond loudly as Jaden walks through the door way, slamming the door closed behind him. He glances at the now obviously frightened man with disdain, before shoving him out of the way effortlessly. The camera feed follows Jaden from behind now as he makes his way through the backstage hallway, arriving at a short flight of steps.

"Cryin' like a Bitch" by Godsmack begins to play..

The crowd's screams are deafening as Jaden steps out onto the stage, coming to a stop at the top of the rampway. He slowly looks from left to right, his eyes deeply focused on the fans around him. Casually, he spits off to the side of him before beginning to slowly walk towards ringside. Arriving at the ring, Jaden glances at the fans once again. They respond with a hail of boos in his direction. Satisfied, he then rolls under the bottom rope and heads towards a corner of the ring. With a few quick tugs of the nearby ropes and a couple of mock punches, Jaden turns to face the referee as his theme song fades out…

Ike Rose: The following is a singles match-up, scheduled for one-fall! Introducing first, weighing in at 272 pounds, and hailing from San Francisco, California…Jaden Hunter!

Keith Oswalt: Here is a man that purely resembles the driving force against Kurt Noble in this promotion. He is, to my knowledge, the only man to have ever stood up against Storm here in Pride, and you know he wants a fight. You can see it in his eyes, definitely.

Eric Witz: I don’t spend too much time staring at Jaden’s eyes, but I’ll agree. He’s tough…if not a little crazy. Apple never falls far from the tree, right?

Before the music starts, the voice of Johnny Noble echoes throughout the arena:

The Kingdom of Pride has hundreds of stories to tell. This one makes the definitive impact...

The instrumental version of “Cells” plays throughout the arena. The fans waste no time giving an overall appropriate reaction to Johnny Noble just as he slowly walks through the curtain and down the ramp. He gives the occasional group of fans a calm glance, but he does not lose focus as he walks to the ring and climbs the stairs. Johnny flashes a few more fans a calm glance as he steps into the ring and stands near the ropes, putting his hands on his hips and looking around the ring with intensity.

Keith Oswalt: And his opponent, weighing in at 230 pounds, and hailing from Ontario, Canada…Johnny Noble!

Keith Oswalt: You can’t help but draw the similarities between these two. Both come from a wrestling family that they can’t stand, both are extremely aggressive in the ring, and both men have won a majority of their matches here in Pride. Impressive.

Eric Witz: Someone’s gotta lose here. My money’s on neither, because I value m neck, unlike you.

Chris Owens signals for the bell, and both men begin to circle about the ring, not wanting to take their eyes off one another. They finally lock-up, and Noble quickly responds with a knee to the stomach of Jaden, before hitting him with some shots to the back. The shots seem to be hurting more than usual, being the abusive Jaden has taken from Storm recently. Noble backs Jaden into the corner, and begins to kick him, before laying into Jaden with a few chops. He Irish Whips Jaden, but Jaden reverses it, and drops Noble with a huge clothesline! Noble gets up quickly, but falls victim to another powerful clothesline. Jaden grabs Noble, and Irish Whips Noble off the ropes, hitting him with Big Boot off the rebound! Noble gets up, stumbling against the ropes, and Jaden hits him with some hard shots to the face. He then Irish whips Noble, and ducks, anticipating a clothesline, but Noble kicks him in the face, and then charges him, but gets flung clear over the ropes!

Keith Oswalt: Nice power moves coming early on in this match-up, especially from Jaden. It takes major tactical skills to out-wit a Noble brother.

Eric Witz: Well, Johnny always was the more “special” of the two…

Noble rolls, hitting the announcing table, before Jaden grabs him, lifts him up, and slams him back first into the table! Jaden then grabs Noble, and throws him over into the steel steps, causing him to go flying over them. As Noble gets up, Jaden goes to Big Boot him, but Noble dodges it and Jaden ends up slamming hit foot right into the announcer’s table! Jaden grabs his foot instantly, and Noble begins to pound him, but Jaden fires back, before slamming Noble into the guard rail. Jaden quickly resets the high count by rolling by into the ring, before limping over towards Noble. He pulls him back, and goes to Irish Whip him into the guard rail again, but Noble reverses, sending Jaden back first into the steel rail. Jaden stumbles, walking right into a clothesline from Noble, taking him down!

Noble gets up to a slight cheer, before throwing Jaden back into the ring. Noble stalks Jaden in the corner, and as he gets up, Noble charges him, but misses a clothesline, causing Jaden to respond with a spear, taking Noble down! He begins to pound the younger Noble brother into the canvas, but Chris Owens pulls him off. He throws Noble into the corner, and begins to kick him, wincing with each kick. He tries to Irish Whip Noble, but Noble reverses it, and then charges Jaden, only to meet his boot! Jaden charges Noble, but Noble catches Jaden, and drops him with a double underhook DDT! He pins Jaden…

1…

2..

Kickout by Jaden Hunter!

Keith Oswalt: Close fall! Eric, it’s becoming visually obvious that even though Jaden can physically match Storm, that it’s taking a toll on his body. He’s been slow to respond to so many of Johnny Noble’s strikes.

Eric Witz: Yeah, that’s what happens when a drunk Irish Bastard decides to meet a train head-first. You’re seeing the negative effects of alcohol, presented by Pride!

Noble kicks Jaden into the corner, and begins to kick him ferociously, taking advantage of Jaden’s worn physical state. However, Jaden gets up, and responds with a weak kick towards Noble, hitting his stomach. Noble fires back, hitting a European Uppercut on Jaden, causing him to fall to his knees. Noble Irish Whips Jaden off the ropes, but Jaden reverses, and drills Noble with a DDT! Both men are now down, and Jaden isn’t able to capitalize with a pin attempt. Both men groggily get up, and Jaden goes for a clothesline, but Noble ducks, and responds with a German suplex! He lifts Jaden back up, and hits second, and is about to hit a third, but Jaden responds with an elbow, knocking Noble off balance. He goes for a clothesline, but Noble ducks it and nails Jaden with a modified backbreaker! Jaden falls to the canvas, and Noble goes to pin him, but Jaden wisely puts his foot on the ropes.

Noble lifts up Jaden, and shoves him into the corner, hitting him with even more aggressive shots than before. He lifts up Jaden, and slams him with a northern lights suplex, but before going for the pin…Jaden uses his strength to pull himself up. He goes to strike Noble, but Noble dropkicks him back into the corner. He begins to chop Jaden, and Jaden fires back with a few shots of his own. Jaden then Irish Whips Noble, and he bounces off the turnbuckle, but dodges a boot from Jaden, before going for a clothesline…but Jaden dodges it, and nails Noble with a spinebuster! Both men are slow to get up, and Jaden fires back with some rough punches. He Irish Whips Noble, and slams him with a running knee off the rebound. Jaden falls, and pins Noble…

1…

2…

3-Kickout by Johnny Noble!

Keith Oswalt: What we’re seeing here is perhaps the most offensive we’ve seen Jaden yet. He and Noble are both throwing incredibly hard shots at one another, some of the hardest we’ve seen tonight!

Eric Witz: Johnny Noble needs to end this. Slap on a submission and let Jaden wear himself out.

Jaden lifts up Noble, and pounds his back, before throwing him into a corner. Jaden the backs up, and charges Noble, but Noble moves and Jaden slams shoulder first into the steel post! He manages to pull himself out, and Noble dropkicks him, sending him out of the ring. Feeling risky, Noble hops up on the turnbuckle, and as Jaden gets up, moonsaults off, crashing right into Jaden! Both men are now down, totally exhausted by the physicality of their match. As the count gets high, Noble gets up, and barely manages to roll into the ring. Right before the count hits 9, Jaden is up, and barely gets back in the ring. As Jaden tries to get up, Noble jumps forward, and locks in the Crippler Crossface! Jaden squirms about, and manages to roll it voer for a pin...

1...

2...

3-KICKOUT by Noble!

Keith Oswalt: What a Hell of a close pinfall!

Eric Witz: Show him how the Nobles do it Johnny!

Both men get up, and Jaden kicks Noble in the gut. He goes for the Hangman's Noose (Death Valley Driver), but Noble wiggles out, and hitd Jaden with a This Shit Hurts! He pins Jaden...

1...

2...

3!

Ike Rose: Here is your winner, with a time of 11 minutes and 59 seconds...Johnny Noble!

Immediately, "Dance with the Devil" plays, and out walks Kurt Noble. Jaden stands up, glaring at Noble.

Kurt Noble: Jaden...I've got some news for you.Last week, you attempted to attack a non-wrestler, and that is not something I take lightly here in Pride. Because of your aggressive actions, I've spoken to the Board of Directors...and they've agreed that you are mentally unfit to participate here in Pride. As of right now, you are indefinitely suspended, and will receive mental counseling!

Keith Oswalt: WHAT?!? What is this?!? Jaden doesn't need mental counseling! This is clearly a ploy by Storm, Nicole Morera, and Noble to get rid of Jaden!

Eric Witz: I don't know...he does seem pretty angry right now...

Jaden looks beyond furious, and security begins to come down to the ring to restrain Jaden!

Kurt Noble: In fact, next week will be the first ever Pride Psychological Evaluation Week. I've designed a list of mentally unfit superstars, and next week, they're going to be evaluated. Those deemed unstable will be fired immediately. Hope you enjoyed your time in Pride Jaden...because it's over.

The security gets in the ring, and the instant they do, Jaden jumps them! Bodies begin to go flying, and Jaden pummels anyone near him. However, they eventually begin to consume him, and take the big man down. They get him in handcuffs.

Keith Oswalt: This "psychological evaluation week" sounds like another Noble power-ploy. How did this get sanctioned?

Eric Witz: Money!

They take Jaden away, as the scene fades to commercial.

[Kirk Noble]

The scene switches to backstage, where Johnny Noble is walking, minutes after his match. He seems a bit tired, and moves past anyone that tries to speak to him…but a voice stops him.

Kurt Noble: Johnny.

The younger Noble brother turns towards his older brother, who is walking, having just made the “Psychological Evaluation Week” decision. The younger Noble does not seemed pleased to see his older brother.

Kurt Noble: Just wanted to congratulate you. Jaden Hunter is Hell of a guy, if not a little unstable. But that’s alright. He’s being handed off right now to a counseling facility, and we won’t see him again oro some time.

Johnny Noble: Yeah, seems like a really great way to get rid of your enemies Kurt. Just ship them off. Seems like a great strategy…except it isn’t.

Kurt Noble: Excuse me? What did you just say to me?

Johnny Noble: Actually Kurt…there’s a lot of things I want to say to you.

Johnny Noble seems to gain some hatred in his eyes, and he speaks very passionately.

Johnny Noble: I think it’s a disgrace what a power hungry asshole you’ve become. You literally think you’re the King of this Kingdom, and instead, you’re the Joker. You act on impulse, and generally just piss me off with everything you do. Jaden Hunter doesn’t deserve this. YOU do. In fact…go fuck yourself Kurt.

Silence. Kurt stares at his younger brother, his nostrils flaring.

Kurt Noble: Oh…how dare you…

Johnny Noble: Tell the truth? It’s good someone finally is. You know, ever since you left home, you think you’re better than me, and that you can do whatever you want. But I haven’t forgotten what you were like before this “Common Man” horseshit. They didn’t see you for the person you really are….the greedy bastard that left home so he could-

Kurt Noble: THAT’S ENOUGH!

Kurt gets in his little brothers face, the very muscles in his face shaking.

Kurt Noble: I swear, if you say one more word, I will find a way to shut you up for good. How dare you speak about the past, like it’s your Goddamn toy to play with. Let me assure you, next week, you’re going to be one of the wrestlers under evaluation…and I have the perfect way to test you, with the perfect person…

Kurt snarls, and walks off, as Johnny smirks to himself.

Johnny Noble: That’s right bro, lose control. You’ll slip up one day, and then I’ll get you back…

The scene fades out to black.

[Kirk Noble]

"Just Like You" by Three Days Grace Blares over the PA system in the arena as Kid Flanagan makes his down to the ring holding a book bag, he gives some fans high fives before he gets into the ring. Finally he gets into the ring, he then starts going through his book bag, he then pulls out an two water pistols. He then yells "BOOM", then he leaps out of the ring and shoots some hot woman wearing an white t-shirt. Kid then yells "BOOBSHOT!". Kid Flanagan then gets back into the ring.

Ike Rose: The following is a singles match-up, scheduled for one-fall! Introducing first, weighing in at 185 pounds, and hailing from Saint Paul, Minnesota…he is the Kingdom of Pride Syndicate Champion…Kid Flanagan!

Keith Oswalt: Life must be confusing when you’re Kid Flanagan. For the past two months, he’s been attacked by Obscene, but now Obscene claims HE isn’t the one attacking Kid! It’s a drama with all kinds of twists…

Eric Witz: Obscene is a filthy liar. No one’s going to believe the little girl who cried wolf after she beats the wolf to fucking death and then rapes the village idiot.

Keith Oswalt:…

The lights in the arena completely cut out as a hushed silence born of anticipation falls over the crowd and spotlights scan the entrance ramp.
THERE WILL BE NO STOPPING (oohh-whee)
IT’S WHEN YOU GO HARDER THAN SOMEBODY, MAN
THIS RIGHT HERE (ha), IS DOMINATION (whoo)

The spoken words ring out over the PA system as “Roundtable Domination” begins to ring out throughout the arena and the crowd erupts in boos and the spotlights converge on the large figure of Storm, who has one arm reaching almost straight up and the other bent at a right angle. He then walks purposefully to the ring, ignoring the fans aside from perhaps an occasional insult to a front row audience-goer. Storm reaches the ring and climbs up the steps before stepping through the ring ropes and assuming his position in his corner, completely focused and ready to go.

Ike Rose: And his opponent, weighing in at 295 pounds, and hailing from Miami, Florida…Storm!

Keith Oswalt: I hope Storm is pretty damn proud of himself. If you’re just tuning in folks, Storm has just had Jaden Hunter removed from the Kingdom of Pride. It’s bullshit!

Eric Witz: On the bright side, now we get to see some of Pride’s psychopaths get straightened out…sure are a lot these days…

Before the match can start, however, “Run This Town” plays, and out walks The Legend! He gets a nice reaction, and as he walks out, Kid eyes him cautiously. The Legend smiles at him, before taking a spot at the commentating table.

Keith Oswalt: Oh Lord…

The Legend: Evening gentlemen. Hope you feel stunned that I, The Legend, have decided to grace you with my presence, and demonstrate my amazing play-by-play skills. I was voted “voice of the year” by People magazine last year, you know.

Keith Oswalt:…What is the sound I hear?

Eric Witz: …Uh, nothing. Nothing at all.

The bell rings, and the moment it does, Storm charges Kid, who slides under Storm, and rolls out of the ring. Storm jumps out of the ring and follows him, as Kid runs around the ring. He rolls back into the ring, and the second Stork gets back in the ring, Kid jumps up and slams him with a jumping knee strike! Storm stumbles, rolling out of the ring, before angrily facing Kid, who taunts him from inside the ring. Storm rolls back in, and Kid charges him, but this time, Storm catches Kid, and with one hand, throws him into the corner. Storm backs up, and charges Kid, but Kid runs and Storm slams against the turnbuckle! Kid then tries to roll-up Storm, but Storm swings his massive fist, barely missing Kid’s head as he rolls out of the ring. Kid runs, and Storm puts on a chase, but Kid eventually jumps over the steel steps, and hides behind them, as Storm looks around, vehemently wondering where Kid is!

Keith Oswalt: Kid Flanagan is demonstrating a tremendous use of speed early on in this match-up. He can hit a move out of nowhere, and can easily out-run the powerhouse known as Storm.

The Legend: He’s fast, but I’m definitely faster. I do all my own stunts, and trust me, it makes me stronger. That’s why I only drink Fresh spring water from Niagara Falls, only priced at $1000 dollars a bottle. The sweet, fresh feeling of every bottle is worth it.

Eric Witz: That was the great advertisement ever. EVER!

Keith Oswalt: Can we PLEASE get back to the match?

Storm mutters to himself, before seeing the stairs. He grins, and angrily kicks the stairs over…but Kid is gone! He’s shocked, and begins to look around, as Kid comes up on a nearby side of the ring. He hops on the turnbuckle, unbeknownst to Storm, and hops off, drilling Storm with a crossbody! He gets a huge applause from the crowd, but Storm isn’t amused as he quickly gets back up. He mutters an obscenity, before charging Kid who ducks under a huge clothesline. Kid goes for a Kid Kick (Superkick), but Storm grabs his foot, and effortlessly grabs Kid, lifts him up, and slams his head first into the steel post! Kid seems to have been nearly knocked out, and Storm lifts him up, throwing him into the ring. Storm uses his foot to kick Kid around, smirking as he does. Storm then lifts up Kid, putting him in the Cyclone position (Last Rites). Kid yells out in pain, before Storm drops him effortlessly, slamming the Syndicate Champion hard against the mats! Storm mocks Kid even further by standing over him, before lifting him up, and drilling Kid with a belly to belly suplex!

Keith Oswalt: Now here’s the opposite side of this equation. Storm is so, so powerful. He’s just throwing Kid Flanagan around like he’s nothing.

The Legend: You know, this kid has some talent. He could be a great stuntman. Of course, not mine. Too ugly, and not sexy enough.

Eric Witz: Can…Can I be your stuntman?

The Legend: Sure Ethan…

Keith Oswalt: Can we PLEASE get back to the match?!?

Storm continues to torture Kid with his foot, before lifting him up and pushing him into the turnbuckle. He begins to drive his shoulder into Kid’s midsection, each one taking the breath out of Kid. Storm backs up, and fully charges Kid…but Kid dodges, and Storm’s shoulder slams hard against the post! Storm pulls himself out, but walks right into a jumping cutter from Kid! Storm falls, and Kid begins to get some momentum. He grabs Storm’s legs, and goes to lock in Da Tapper (Walls of Jericho), but Storm uses his massive legs to kick Kid away, sending him through the middle rope, and to the floor below! Storm quickly follows him, and he grabs Kid, who tries to fight back. Storm grabs Kid, and slams him hard against the apron. He then lifts up Kid in a press style, and it about to throw him into the crowd…but Kid falls back, and as Storm turns, he gets nailed with a Kid Kick! Storm stumbles, and falls onto the announcer’s table, knocking over The Legend’s expensive water!

The Legend: Hey, that’s my gourmet water!

Eric Witz: SON OF A BITCH THAT KID IS!

Keith Oswalt: Yes, let’s all cry for your “gourmet” water…

The Legend: That’s okay. I mean, money isn’t an option for me. I’ll get three more, just to make up for it.

Storm seems dazed, and as Legend takes off his headset to speak to Kid, Kid ignores him! He grabs Storm, and throws him back into the ring. Kid then gets back in the ring, and stands over Storm. When he gets up, Kid lifts him up for a Kid Wins (FU), barely able to hold up his weight…but Storm is able to come off behind him. Storm backs up, and goes in for a Thunderbolt (Gore), but Kid moves, and Storm drills Chris Owens with the move! He goes down, not moving at all, and he turns around, and Kid lifts him up, nailing the Kid Wins!

Keith Oswalt: Storm knocked out referee Chris Owens, and Kid hits the Kid Wins! We need a new referee!

The Legend: I’ve got this one!

The Legend throws headset aside, and gets in the ring. He grabs Chris Owens, and pulls off his shirt, before throwing him to the side. Kid makes a pin, and cautiously eyes The Legend, who now has the referee shirt on! The Legend goes down, and begins to make the pin…

1…

2…

…He stops! Legend doesn’t drop his hand a third time, and Storm clearly doesn’t move. Kid is stunned, and gets up, yelling all sorts of obscenities at Legend, who is acting confused! Meanwhile, Storm is getting up, and spots his chance. Kid turns, and Storm drops him with the Thunderbolt! He pins, and Legend makes the count!

1…

2…

3!

Ike Rose: Here is your winner, with a time of 10 minutes and 33 seconds…Storm!

Keith Oswalt: What the HELL?!? Legend just screwed Kid out of a victory over Storm!

Eric Witz: And what a beautiful screw-job it was, wouldn’t you say?

Storm stands up, and eyes Legend, before walking off. Legend then stands over Kid, who isn’t moving, before grabbing a microphone.

The Legend: Ladies and gentlemen…I think it’s time to unveil my secret, and you can thank the Academy for this one. For weeks, Obtuse, or whatever this name is, has been claiming that I attacked this chump weeks ago. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Legend, you’re such a Hero. I think about you every night in the tub. You couldn’t possibly have done this!” Well, ladies and gentlemen, get ready for the twist of the year: I did! I attacked Kid Flanagan!

The crowd is in shock, and Legend continues on.

The Legend: I’m a big star in the world, people. I’m kind of a big deal…but this Kid, he thinks he’s better than me with his low-budget films and his crappy, “straight-to-DVD” acting. I saw it when I sat in on his match with Obliterate. He thinks that he’s better than me… I, The Legend, am the best in the business, and in every business, which is why I’m going to beat his scrawny ass and take the title from him!

Keith Osalt: This man CANNOT be a Champion here!

Eric Witz: So clearly against what’s good for you. I pity the fool…

Suddenly, “Never Understand” plays to a big pop! Obscene walks through the curtains, and gets in the ring, facing Legend angrily. He snatches his microphone!

Obscene: I fucking knew it! And all this time, you wanted me to take the blame for your actions! You know what…I don’t care about you. I don’t care about your “big money” attitude or your really fruity looking waxed chest. All I care about…is him.

Obscene points towards Kid, who is starting to stir.

Obscene: And YOU screwed me out of a chance to win the title from him at Death’s Desire. I don’t care if I have to go through him, you, or anyone else. You both make me sick, and I will KILL either of you to get the Syndicate title!

Obscene stares at Legend, and then pushes the microphone into his chest. Before Legend can react, Obscene kicks him in the stomach, and begins to hammer on him! Legend covers up, and Obscene pushes him against the ropes. He Irish Whips Legend, and as Legend rebounds off the ropes, he bails out of the ring! Obscene seems pissed, and lashes out at him…but as he turns around, Kid lifts up Obscene, and blasts him with a Kid Wins! Kid seems very angry, and he glares up at Legend on the ramp.

Keith Oswalt: This has become a three-way war Eric! All three of these men want to prove that they’re the best in this business, and all of them want the Syndicate Championship!

Eric Witz: But…there’s only one title! Give it to Legend…please?

Legend and Kid stare one another down as the scene fades out.

[Kirk Noble]

The scene switches to backstage, where Robbie Venom and Shawn Stevens are walking, about to head out to the ring for their match. However, before they do, they happen to see a friends of their walking around…Kurt Noble.

Robbie Venom: Hey look, it’s Kurt!

Shawn Stevens: Our good old pal!

Kurt Noble: Hi gentlemen. What can I do for you?

Both Venom and Stevens looks at one another, before turning towards Noble.

Shawn Stevens: We were actually just wondering if you could do that thing we asked you last week…you know, the whole thing with switching our match to a Scramble title match,

Robbie Venom: That would really be appreciated, you know.

Noble sighs, as both Venom and Stevens grin.

Kurt Noble: Look guys, I tried my best…but I couldn’t get your match switched. I’m already getting shit for this stuff with Jaden Hunter, and I’m buried in paper work. Sorry guys.

Shawn Stevens: Huh…never thought I’d hear Kurt Noble say he gave up…

Robbie Venom: Yeah, seriously, I thought you were a man of your word?

Kurt Noble: Look…I never said I would give you two a title match. I said I’d try. What the Hell do you want from me?

Shawn Stevens: Well, we’re getting nothing, apparently. Just remember Kurt…whatever happens is now on you. Don’t say we didn’t warn you…

Robbie Venom: We tried…

Both Renaissance members walk off, leaving Noble confused. The screen fades to the ring…

[Kirk Noble]

“Bad Medicine” by Bon Jovi begins to play, much to the crowd’s delight. Cheering wildly, Robbie Venom and Shawn Stevens walk out from behind the curtains, not in the usual cheerful mood that they are in. Instead, they have a stern look on their faces, walking with purpose to the ring. Sliding into the ring, they look at Ike Rose, before staring at the entranceway waiting for Epic Angle to come to the ring, the titles in tow.

Ike Rose: The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a thirty minute time limit! Introducing first, weighing in at a combined weight of 437 pounds, the team of Shawn Stevens and Robbie Venom…

Before Ike Rose can finish announcing The Renaissance, the team of Stephen Callaway and Bruce Hendrickson run in from behind the ring, holding the Kingdom of Pride Scramble titles and slamming them into the back of Robbie Venom and Shawn Stevens’s skull! Immediately stomping, Callaway and Hendrickson don’t allow Venom and Stevens to get up to their feet, taking every advantage as the bell rings, knowing that the match will be contested with relaxed rules.

Keith Oswalt: That’s ridiculous! How is this match going to be started after that!?

Eric Witz: You know as well as I do that this is the last match between these two teams, if the match hadn’t been started, we’d have an uproar from Robbie Venom, even if we’re acting in his best interest!

Keith Oswalt: The man just had a gold plat shoved into the back of his head and he’s still competing for Christ’s sake!

Eric Witz: I’m sure they’ll bounce back, and to be honest, they’ll probably have very relaxed rules for this to come to an end.

Following the stomps, Callaway and Hendrickson lift Venom up to his feet before dumping him to the outside, focusing their collective efforts on Stevens instead. Stomping him a few more times, the two men finally pick Stevens up before wrapping their arms around his head and lifting him up. Placing his feet on the top rope, Callaway holds him here before instructing Hendrickson to head to the top rope. Trying to regain control of the match, the referee tells Hendrickson to stay out of the ring, but not listening to the order, Hendrickson leaps off of the top rope before hitting a double stomp on Stevens as Callaway drops him off of the top rope with a spike DDT!

Following this, Callaway tells Hendrickson to start the match by going to the outside of the ring as he covers Stevens,

1...

2...

Robbie Venom pulls Callaway out of the ring and begins to slug him, furious that he had been blindsided. After several stiff punches, Venom finally kicks Callaway in the stomach before throwing his head into the steel barricade. Despite nearly busting Callaway open with this shot, Venom shows no remorse as he again slams Callaway’s head into the steel. Before he can do this a third time, Hendrickson leaps from the apron and hit’s a double axe handle on Venom, knocking him off of Callaway. Letting Callaway recover, Hendrickson begins to slug it out with Venom, Hendrickson able to get the best of the exchange. As the two continue to slug it out, Callaway finally runs in and begins to strike Venom with Hendrickson, again double teaming him. As the members of Epic Angle enjoy the advantage, they finally are caught off guard as Shawn Stevens leaps from off the top rope and hitting the Chicago Sault (Corkscrew Moonsault) on the two opponents!

Keith Oswalt: Good god! These men are going to kill each other, just look at that move!

Eric Witz: Even almost two years later after having seen that move for the first time, I still love it. Absolutely incredible, I do wish Shawn would find a better partner though.

Screaming as he gets up from the ground, Shawn Stevens celebrates with the crowd following the big move, pulling up Hendrickson as he does so. Now instructing Venom to get his act together the two men throw Hendrickson into the ring before getting in themselves. Stomping Hendrickson repeatedly, the two finally pull Bruce up to his feet where here they strike repeatedly with elbows before finally grinning at each other and nodding, Robbie Venom leaping up into the air and slamming Hendrickson with spinning leg kick while Stevens swipes Bruce’s legs out from underneath him, hitting him with a total elimination!

Keith Oswalt: Total Elimination! Brings me back to the old days!

Eric Witz: Every team and their mothers did that move, have to love it. Definitely a signature move in Pride history. Maybe Robbie is starting to respect Pride’s history.

Keith Oswalt: It’s about time you started to give Robbie some credit!

Eric Witz: Don’t get me wrong, I still hate that son of a bitch.

After hitting the historic move, Robbie Venom and Shawn Stevens grin at each other as they pull Hendrickson back to his feet and finally get the match started in a traditional fashion as the referee regains control and sends Shawn Stevens out as Venom and Hendrickson begin to wrestle alone. Taking advantage of the worn down Hendrickson, Venom stomps him repeatedly before lifting Hendrickson up to his feet and quickly snapping him down with a snap suplex. After hitting this, Venom shakes his head before tagging in Shawn Stevens, letting Stevens get into the ring and lift Hendrickson up to his feet, kicking him in the stomach before hitting him with a Silver Shot (side effect). Covering Bruce after hitting this, Stevens hooks the leg,

1...

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Stephen Callaway breaks the pin up. Despite the break up, Callaway is hit with a high dropkick by Robbie Venom as Venom comes off of the top rope, hitting Callaway in the upper chest and taking him out. After hitting this on Callaway, Venom pulls him back, shaking his head before pulling him out of the ring and brawling with him as Stevens focuses on Hendrickson.

Kicking Hendrickson, Hendrickson finally fires back and hit’s a quick European uppercut. Despite being caught off guard, Stevens fires back with a right hand, then another, before he finally is able to whip Hendrickson off to the ropes and as soon as Hendrickson reaches Stevens again, Stevens fires Hendrickson over his head with a belly-to-belly suplex!

On the outside of the ring, as Stevens hit’s the suplex, Venom drops Callaway across the barricade. After doing this, Venom looks back to the inside of the ring before grabbing a table from underneath the ring and sliding it into the ring! Despite the referee protest, Venom pushes him out of the way before setting the table up while Stevens pulls Hendrickson to his feet. Whipping Hendrickson to the ropes, Venom and Stevens beal Hendrickson into their arms before finally throwing Hendrickson into the air and Stevens sitting him out with a powerbomb while Venom hits him with a reverse knee-assisted face buster! All while doing this, Hendrickson awkwardly slams through the table and despite the use of the weapon, Stevens covers Hendrickson,

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3!

Ike Rose: Here is your winners, at 14 minutes and 23 seconds, Shawn Stevens and Robbie Venom!

Following their victory, Shawn Stevens and Robbie Venom spit on Bruce Hendrickson before finally getting out of the ring and retrieving their stolen property, the Kingdom of Pride Scramble championships! As they look at their belts, the walk past a recovering Stephen Callaway, and unfortunately for him, they both slam the titles into his skull, knocking him down in the process! Finally, the duo heads to the back, proud of their actions and having finally put down their enemies.

Keith Oswalt: Brutal match, and the way Bruce went through that table, I don’t see him returning any time soon, likely having been injured with the way he went through that table.

Eric Witz: Robbie and Shawn sure do seem to always be present when ever somebody is hurt going through a table.

Keith Oswalt: Must just be bad luck to be around them with tables.

[Kirk Noble]

The scene switches back to the ring, as another match is about to begin.

Keith Oswalt: You know, things never seem to slow down here in Pride. One minute people are being hauled off in stretchers, and the next, we’ve got crazy movie stars trying to control the company!

Eric Witz: Oh, you speak so ill of what you don’t understand…

Suddenly, “King of the World” plays over the PA to a huge amount of cheers! After a few moments, Josh Eagles walks out, the Valiant title belt over his shoulder. He smiles at the crowd, and begins to walk down to the ring, slapping the hands of a few fans.

Keith Oswalt: Now, here’s a man that arguably has garnered more attention than anyone in Pride, and he did it in about ten seconds. For those of you who aren’t aware, Josh Eagles showed up at a certain…competitor’s celebration show, interrupting the final few moments. Allow me to go on the record ladies and gentlemen and say that was NOT planned, and-

Eric Witz: Oh, shut up Keith. We all know he was at the 5th Year Celebration show hosted by the Universal Wrestling League. The question I’m curious about is why…

Eagles hops up the stairs, and is handed a microphone. He waits for the music to die down, before speaking into the microphone.

Josh Eagles: Everybody here, in this audience, knows who I am. You all know what I’m about, and how I choose to go about my business. I strive for success, and never aim for second place. That’s why I stand here as your Valiant Champion, and that’s why is should come as no surprise that I was at the Universal Wrestling League’s 5th Year Celebration last night.

Josh lowers the microphone, and lets his words sink into the crowd, before continuing.

Josh Eagles: But I disagree with the rumors circulating about me, even in this company’s newsletter. I didn’t “interrupt” anything. I didn’t steal their show, despite having done it multiple times throughout my tenure in UWL. In fact, right now, let’s replay the footage for all of you who may not the Universal Wrestling League…

Eagles points towards the 52 inch TV above the ramp, and the following plays…

“Everyone is standing in the ring, as Tic Tic places the UWL World Title belt over his shoulder. Josh Eagles jumps over the security railing. He looks around with a smile on his face, as everyone stands around in shock.

Gene Anderson: The winner of this match and NEW!!!!!!!…….

Josh Eagles pushes the microphone out of Gene Anderson’s hand stopping him from giving Tic Tic his moment of hearing his name as World Champion, as the lockeroom empties, and security quickly rush around Josh, and try to get him out of the building, as the show ends.”

Eric Witz: Yeah, because we can all see that…

Keith Oswalt: Now I want to hear. Quiet!

Josh Eagles: Now, I see where such impressions would be drawn. Arguably, it looks bad, but allow me to explain it before all the UWL fans cry about it. See, I was actually invited to the 5th Year Celebration, on Jay Jefferson’s behalf. As you all know, I was involved with the UWL for many, many years. So, being a prominent competitor, I showed up at the event. I thought I would sport this company, as I’ve very proud of my accomplishments, so I brought my Valiant Title with me…and that’s where it got ugly from UWL’s perspective, the things you didn’t see. I showed up in the parking lot, and was instantly told I wasn’t allowed to park in the section specifically reserved for me. No biggie. It was probably a little thing Jay Jefferson overlooked. So, I just parked in the local lot…

Eagles begins to pace about, as he recalls the event.

Josh Eagles: Let it be known, I was harassed at every stop. Security, the lobby, even getting backstage proved impossible! I ended up having my title temporarily taken from me by security! I mean, it seemed like I was at an airport, about to have my junk groped! It was the last straw when I was denied backstage entrance, and Jay Jefferson refused to speak to me. So, I went out and took a seat, in the back…but I was angry. UWL had betrayed me, for one simple reason: I work for the Kingdom of Pride.

The crowd goes ecstatic, as a sign saying “The Best of 5 Years? Josh Eagles” is shown on the screen.

Josh Eagles: So, I’ll admit, when Tic Tic was crowned Champion, it made me upset. Not because I like Jerry McClean, but because UWL was so willing to flaunt themselves, and ignore me…so I took action. I jumped the rail, and tried to grab the microphone. To be honest, I wanted to congratulate Tic Tic, but you can tell how it came off. Gene Anderson never has been very firm with a microphone. Anyway, it was never my intention to totally embarrass Tic Tic, or the company…but I wanted revenge. After all my hard work for Jay Jefferson, he snubbed me, and being that I represent the Kingdom of Pride, I wasn’t willing to let that happen.I'm the Champion of Kingdom of Pride, and I plan on being representing this place to the best of my ability.

The crowd cheers, and Eagles goes on.

Josh Eagles: It's become clear to me that Pride has become what UWL will never be: An intense, competitive environment. I left UWL because they treated me poorly, and things haven't changed. UWL may have been going for 5 years, but the Kingdom of Pride is still the best wrestling promotion...period.

Eagles drops the microphone, and "King of the World" plays again, as Eagles gets a great ovation!

Keith Oswalt: Strong words from our Valiant Champion. You know, maybe it's a good thing UWL snubbed Josh Eagles. He;s here, and he's our Champion, right where he needs to be...but let's hope Josh Eagles words haven't come with consequences...

Eric Witz: Hey, if UWL wants to treat our Champion like crap, they deserve a verbal lashing. Josh Eagles stands up for Pride, and this surely is okay with me!

Eagles exits the ring, as the scene fades to commercial.

[Kirk Noble]

The camera switches back to the ring, where Ike Rose is standing with a microphone in his hand.

Ike Rose: The following is a no-disqualification handicap match!

I wanna taste those lips, why don't you shake those hips?
I wanna taste those lips, why don't you shake those hips?
I wanna taste those lips, why don't you shake those hips?
I wanna taste those lips! Why don't you shake those hips!?

"I Know You Are But What Am I?" plays through the speakers and the crowd boos as Christian Kane walks through the curtain with Dani Clarke at his side. CK stops just a few inches from the curtain and looks around the arena as several small barely audible anti-CK chants start up. Dani slowly rubs Kane's abs before he pulls her head back by the hair and they exchange a sloppy french kiss.

After several seconds of this, he pushes her away and begins to walk down to the ring. The music keeps going and CK rushes down to the ring, moves around the side of it, then slides onto the hot apron. CK stands and raises his arms up by his side with a smirk on his face before stepping into the ring.

Dani climbs into the ring as CK ascends to the top of the closest turnbuckle. He looks around at the fans before spotting a pretty girl. He puts a hand to his lips and blows a mocking kiss as her boyfriend stands at the side, becoming enraged by the gesture. CK laughs and looks around some more before stopping at a rather chubby girl. He immediately waves a disgusted hand and jumps off the turnbuckle.

He and Dani meet up in the middle of the ring once more and give each other another french kiss. Christian hands Dani his jacket before telling her to leave 'his' ring, smacking her ass on the way out. The fans keep booing as CK walks to the ropes and blows another patronizing kiss at them. The music dies down as Kane smiles arrogantly in the ring.

Ike Rose: Introducing first, weighing in at 220 pounds, and hailing from Ontario, Canada…being accompanied by Dani Clarke…Christian Kane!

Keith Oswalt: Talk about cruel irony, Eric. Last week, Christian Kane truly made a bastard out of himself by attacking a handicapped man, and this week, thanks to Valiant Champion Josh Eagles, CK must face both members of The Krieg in a handicap match!

Etic Witz: It’s cruel and unusual punishment! Jeremy Sterling shouldn’t allow Christian Kane, a Pride Original, to be subjected to this!

”Now, I am become Death. The destroyer of Worlds.”

The the words of Oppenheimer finish and the slow, melodic beat of “Warriors of the World” fills the arena, the giants Somba and Balraj enter through the curtain. Their manager and trainer, Kaja Reinhardt is in tow, drilling the men with their game plan in her native German tongue. The crowd watches in awe as the two behemoths enter the ring, and CK bails!. They waste no time taunting. They don’t acknowledge the crowd. They’re ready to brutalize the opposition…Christian Kane.

Ike Rose: And his opponents, weighing in at a combined weight of 730 pounds…accompanied by Kaja Reinhardt…Somba and Balraj, Der Krieg Maschinen!

Keith Oswalt: Let us remind the viewers at home that this is a no-disqualification match. Let’s hope CK remembers that. If he’s going to win this match-up, he absolutely needs to outsmart and outgun both members of The Krieg.

Eric Witz: Someone get him a coffin for Christmas. He’ll need it…

The bell rings, and both members of The Krieg stare at Christian Kane outside the ring. CK looks reluctant to get in the ring, and begins to argue with Dani…that is, until both members of The Krieg exit the ring, and begin to go after CK! Like lightening, CK moves, pushing Dani out of the way. CK begins to run around the ring, but The Krieg aren’t fooled by the basic trick. Both men head in opposite directions, and before they can corner CK, he rolls in to the ring. As both Somba and Balraj get into the ring, CK begins to stomp them both savagely, both neither is affected much by his stomps. CK goes for a punch, but it’s deflected by Somba, and followed up by a huge palm strike to the chest of CK! He falls, and rolls out of the ring, holding his chest in pain. He begins to crawl outside the ring, and Somba follows him, He grabs CK, and slams him back first into the steel post. Somba backs up, and charges CK, but he’s able to nimbly move, causing Somba to slam into the post! He stumbles, and CK grabs him, before slamming his head into the steel steps…but Somba is unaffected! He grabs CK and slams his head against the steps, before throwing him back into the ring. CK desperately tries to crawl away, but Balraj grabs him, pulling him to his knees in one thrust!

Keith Oswalt: These two men are just so powerful. They’re totally immune to any offense the #1 Contender is throwing at them.

Eric Witz: It’s called no-selling, and it makes them horrible people!

CK looks up at Balraj…and begins to beg! He prays, and Balraj stares at him, before grabbing him by the hair. Thinking quickly, CK brings his hands up, low blowing Balraj! Balraj falls over, and CK begins to hit him with various shots to the head, before grabbing him, kneeing him right in the face! He turns around, and Somba comes rushing at him, taking him down with a running headbutt! CK goes down, and grabs his head in pain, as Somba begins to stomp him. He lifts CK up, and pushes him against the ropes. He Irish Whips CK, and CK hands onto the opposite set of ropes. Somba charges him, but CK brings down the ropes, and Somba goes over them to the floor below! CK then exits the ring, and runs over, pushing the timekeeper out of his chair and taking his steel chair! He turns towards Somba, and he gets up, CK nails Somba in the head! Somba goes down on one knee, and CK yells “SUCK IT, BITCH!” before slamming him in the back! CK now appears to be getting arrogant, and he swaggers about, before swinging the chair again…but this time, Somba moves his head towards, and headbutts the chair! CK nearly falls, and Somba grabs him, throwing him over the announce table!

Keith Oswalt: Jesus Christ!

Eric Witz: Someone get Christian Kane’s head out of my lap!

Both commentators abandon their posts, and Somba gets closer to CK…but as CK stands up, he grabs a monitor, and throws it at Somba’s face! The big man catches it, and merely throws it aside, as CK jumps forward and tries to take Somba down with a crossbody…but Soma catches him! CK tries to wiggle about, but Somba holds on, and throws CK effortlessly on the table, almost breaking it in half! Somba then gets on the table himself, and tries to lift CK up for a Samoan Driver (Tiger Frosion), but CK rakes his eyes like crazy! Somba nearly falls off the table, but CK grabs, and drops him with a DDT, breaking the table in half on impact!

The crowd begins to chant “HOLY SHIT” as both men are down. CK begins to crawl away, and manages to pull himself up. He grabs the chair, and gets back in the ring, where Balraj is finally getting up. He walks over, and slams the chair against the back of Balraj…but it does zero good! CK is in shock, and goes to slam the dented chair into him again, but Balraj responds with a brain chop! CK goes down like a sack of bricks, not moving at all. Balraj then lifts him high into the air, getting the crowd into a frenzy…before walking forward, and throwing CK INTO the crowd!

Keith Oswalt: OH MY GOD! Balraj just tossed Christian Kane over ten feet, right into the crowd itself!!!

Eric Witz: Oh, I’m still more upset about the table than anything, to be honest. I’m writing an angry blog as we speak…

CK lands clean on the front row, taking down at least four people! He appears nearly dead, and the crowd disperses around him, looking quite irritated. CK groggily gets up, as Balraj gets out of the ring, and reaches for him. Suddenly, CK grabs a nearby child, pushing the mother away, and holding the child in front of Balraj! The mother becomes hysterical, and Balraj looks at her for a moment, before bringing back his hand to strike…but CK throws her aside, grabs a soda from a fan’s hand, and chucks it into the eyes of Balraj! He’s blinded, but before CK can take advantage of the situation, he’s slapped aggressively by the mother! While sobbing, she begins to attend to her child, but CK clearly has bigger matters to attend to. He gets on the guard rail, and jumps on Balraj’s back, locking in a choke hold on the big man!

Keith Oswalt: Of all the lowest things…Christian Kane used a child as protection from Balraj! I don’t know what’s worse…CK using her, or the fact that Balraj was ready to strike!

Eric Witz: Oh, c’mon. As far as we, and CK knows, that girl could have been his offspring! Clearly, she’s his property to be used to fight off the German killing machine!

CK locks in the hold tight, and Balraj begins to struggle about, but CK’s grip is firm. Balraj writhes about…before backing up, and slamming CK against the apron! It’s all he can do to hold on, but Balraj isn’t finished. He then turns, and backs up, slamming CK into the steel post! He lets go, his back now blood red from the impact. Balraj turns , and goes for a chop, but CK ducks it, and Balraj hits the steel steps, his hand leaving a clear dent. CK then dropkicks Balraj, and he falls over the steps. Trying to move quickly, CK grabs Balraj’s head, and moves it onto the steel steps. He kicks Balraj a bit, before rolling into the ring. CK gets onto the turnbuckle, and stands up…before jumping over the railing, going for a leg dop..but Balraj dodges, and CK lands leg first onto the steel steps!

Instantly, CK grabs his leg, gritting his teeth in pain. Balraj wastes no time, and sees Somba finally up. Balraj throws CK into the ring, and follows him. CK desperately begins to crawl away…but bumps into the legs of Somba! CK stands up, and begins to face both men, who are on both sides of him. CK chuckles a bit, before making a run for it! However, both men grab him, and lift CK up for a Blitzkrieg Bomb, but outside the ring, Dani Clarke begins to yell “Kaja is in trouble!” Instantly, Somba leaves his position, and exits the ring, and begins to chase after Dani! Balraj then drops CK, who slams headfirst on the canvas. Balraj bends down and picks up the lifeless Christian Kane. As the crowd watches, the Punjabi Giant locks CK’s arms in a double underhook. He lifts CK off the mat and slams him down with a thunderous Punjabi Bomb. Just as he begins to go for the pin, a mammoth black man hops over the railing near Kaja Reinhardt. Distracted, Balraj turns to see his manager in danger.

Keith Oswalt: Who in the Hell is that?!?

Eric Witz: Whoever they are, maybe Kaja really is in danger! RUN KAJA RUN!

The black man grabs a handful of Kaja’s hair and glares into her eyes. As she screams, both of the Maschinen stop what they were doing and turn to see their endangered manager. Nadya Golikova hops over the rail and begins insulting Kaja in Russian. She slaps the Krieg’s manager hard across the face, jarring both of the Maschinen into action. The large man, Nadya’s partner Gahiji Irakoze, lifts Kaja Reinhardt up and falls to his knees with a hellacious over-the-shoulder backbreaker! As the Otbet smile and begin to walk away, Balraj exits the ring and begins to attend to Kaja.

Throughout the assault, Christian Kane has slowly gotten to his feet. Not knowing what happened, or even caring, Kane looks over, and sees Somba has gotten into the ring. He launches forward and hits the Samoan square in the jaw with a SuperSexyKick (Superkick)! The Maschinen falls like a giant redwood, shaking the ring on impact. With Balraj distracted, CK makes the cover as the audience boos loudly…

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2…

Keith Oswalt: NO, GODDAMIT!

Eric Witz: He’s done it!

3!

Ike Rose: Here is your winner, with a time of 13 minutes and 14 seconds…Christian Kane!

Keith Oswalt: Christian Kane has done the impossible…Good God, he’s beaten The Krieg. But the real story here is…who are those people that attacked Kaja? Could that have been the woman that attacked Kaja last month?

Eric Witz: CK just won the match of a lifetime, and you’re thinking about the the Nazis? Nice to see where your priorities are…

Balraj turns to see his partner out in the ring. As CK takes a moment to realise he's actually won The Punjabi Giant looks first to his fallen manager, then to his fallen partner, and back. He reaches one of his giant clamp like hands into the ring and drags Somba out of the ring to the mat outside. He lets out a guttural scream as he advances towards the retreating Russians, Somba and Kaja following behind him gingerly. Christian stumbles over to the ropes and asks for a microphone as his valet, Dani Sandstrøm gets into the ring. CK is handed the microphone and walks into the center of the ring, grinning.

Christian Kane: WOO!

The crowd boos.

Christian Kane: What? What you booing at!? You are looking at the interim Valiant Champion dammit!

The crowd once again boos.

Keith Oswalt: What? Interim? Whatever does he mean!?

Christian Kane: Alright alright simmer down! Psychic CK is telling me that Keith Oswalt is asking why I said Interim Valiant Champion, so let me explain. The Krieg beat Josh Eagles. I beat The Krieg. Thus I am better than Josh Eagles, which means I am your Interim Valiant Champion!

CK looks in the camera and winks.

Eric Witz: I FOR ONE WELCOME OUR NEW ALIEN OVERLO- OUR NEW INTERIM VALIANT CHAMPION!

Christian Kane: But anyway anyway anyway, in my first act as Interim Valiant Champion, I shall pick the *ahem*FAKE*ahem* Valiant Champion's opponent next week. So without further ado, let me introduce him.

CK clears his throat.

Christian Kane: He stands at 6 feet 3 inches...he weights 230 pounds of which are pure perfection, he hails from Ontario, Canada and is THEEEEEEE SEEECOND BEST WRESTLERRRRRR to have ever...EEEEEEEEEEEEVER, come from Ontario...I'm the first, obviously, he is also the better of the two Noble brothers, he is the one...the only...JOOOOOOHHHHHNYYYYY NOBLEEEEEE!!!!!

Keith Oswalt: That is a huge match!

Christian Kane: That's right Eagles! You're facing my boy Johnny Noble next week - now come out here like a 'real' champion and accept the challenge! I'll wait for ya!

The Canadian Sensation hands his microphone to Dani before jumping up and lying on the turnbuckle, awaiting Eagles' arrival. "King of the World" soon plays, and out walks Eagles. He looks somewhat amused as he takes a microphone.

Josh Eagles: Clever CK. Make me face arguably the toughest guy I've faced in Pride. I'll admit, you've impressed me tonight...but you've also disgusted me. Using a child as a shield, running from your opponents...it sickens me....so I've decided that next week, your opponent will also be a man that sicks me. Next week, you're going to face...Orge Lambart!

The crowd cheers, as CK looks somewhat pissed at the decision.

Keith Oswalt: Oh Lord. CK is in for it now...

Eric Witz: Eew. Just...ew....

Christian Kane:I'm tired of facing your shit opponents, Eagles! How about you get in here, and we finish this!

Eagles smiles, and begins to walk down to the ring, as the crowd cheers! Eagles gets in the ring, and the second he does, CK jumps him! He begins to pound on him, but Eagles kicks him in the stomach. He goes to clothesline him, but CK ducks out of the ring, and Eagles nearly hits Dani! He stops, and looks at her...before giving Dani a way out of the ring!

Keith Oswalt: See, that's classy. These two men are so different, and I can't wait to see them finally fight. Goodnight ladies and gentlemen!

Dani leaves as Eagles request, and Eagles smiles at CK, as the scene fades to black, ending Oblivion...