Post by Better Than Johnny Noble on Dec 17, 2010 17:51:34 GMT -5
In what looks to be a run down, shitty parking lot we find Bob on the phone. He is running his hand through his hair whilst he thinks. Behind him Chris and Ken sit on the floor – clearly distraught over something. Finally the person he's calling picks up.
Bob: Hello, Kurt Noble?
...
No, it's not John. It is his phone, but it's Bob. I work backstage and hang around with JDP a lot.
...
He's done nothing bad. Well. Errr. We just don't know. It might be best if you pull his match from the card.
---
Fade out...
---
We open up to find JDP walking backstage after his match with Esix Cordero. He reaches his locker room and hears some banging inside. Odd, I know. Before he can open the door though Alex Avice walks over to him, clearly not particularly happy to be doing so.
Avice: Err, John. I was hoping for a few words about you and Silence ahead of your 'I Quit' match after everything escalated again this week?
JDP: Who?
John opens his locker room door and walks in, shutting it behind him.
On the outside Alex just sighs.
Avice: I don't even know why I bother. It's like he has no idea what's even going on in his own life. Guy’s a fucking clown. I hope Silence wipes the floor with him.
As Alex walks off we cut inside to John, who is staring as Chris, Ken and Bob seem pretty dressed up. And have been playing with a bouncy ball inside - causing the banging.
JDP: What's going on?
Bob: Needed to kill some time.
JDP: But what's with the dressing up?
Ken: God forbid a man wants to dress up in some new threads to look good, eh.
Bob: Hush up.
Chris: Yeah m8. We're dressing up cause we're going out on the town!
JDP: But we don't have anything to celebrate...
Ken: Oh yes we do. Chris said his first english word today.
Chris: U WAT?!?!?! I'LL FAHKIN SLASH U M8!!!!!!111!!!!one!1!!!
Ken: But seriously. The reason we're going out again is that everyone knows that this is the night when all the fit clunge comes out. It's just our mission to go out there and find it!
Bob: Oh really? /sarcasm
Ken: Yeah. Like it was on this night that I had that threesome last week. Two genuine 10/10s. And I even had to knock a couple back! You remember me saying, Chris?
Chris: Oh yeah m8. You dropped me a text to ask if I wanted any of them. But as you knew I was doing a greek for beginners course and couldn't get out of it.
Ken: Exactly! I didn’t remember that you were on that course though.
Bob: Why didn’t you invite me then?
Ken: Because I thought you were gay?
Bob: ..........
Ken: Look. Trust me, it's a guaranteed shag when you go out tonight.
Bob: I'm still not convinced.
JDP: Then why are you dressed up as well?
Bob: It doesn't matter if he's telling the truth or not. There are still gunna be girls out tonight.......................that and he offered me some weed.
Ken smiles and nods smugly.
Ken: So you coming out as well, John?
JDP: Yeah, sure, whatever. Just let me go and shower and get changed.
Ken: We don't have the time. I've already called the cabs!
JDP: You've done WHAT? I have to go and see Kurt Noble about next week anyway!
Chris: CAHLM DAHN M8!
JDP: This is my job you tards. If the boss comes calling I have to go and see him. Not sure why he wants to talk to me. He doesn’t normally...
Ken: It's fine, John. Seriously. Me and Kurt, we go way back. He's the reason I actually work here - not Sterling. I'll simply drop him a text saying that you've got a family emergency and it'll be fine.
Bob: You and Kurt, friends?
Chris: It's true. I saw them playing tag once.
JDP: Tag?
Chris: Yeah - I saw Kurt chasing Ken around outside not long after Pride re-opened. He was getting really into it. Couldn't quite catch Ken though.
Bob and John stare sceptically at Ken who just shrugs.
Ken: Well he DOES have a bad leg. But that's besides the point. Get your stuff, John, and we'll be heading out.
JDP: Dressed like this?
Ken: Of course! Chicks dig wrestlers. The fanny'll be all over you. I've seen it happen before when I went out with AJ Styles, Triple H and Ric Flair. They were fighting the clunge off with a stick!
JDP: I'm not even going to ask more about that...
John heads off to grab a couple of things whilst Ken grabs a piece of paper and starts to write on it.
Chris: M8! You never told me you saw those three! They're my idols!
Bob: Hush up, Chris. What you writing anyway, Ken?
Ken: A message for Noble.
Bob: I thought you said you were going to text him?
Ken: Errrrr.....his number was in my old phone. And I haven't asked him for it again since I got my new one.
Chris: Must be why he never comes out with us. We should fahkin facebook him to get it again.
Ken: Yeahhhhhhhhhh.
JDP: We heading off then?
Ken: Yes! Think of it as celebrating your victory!
JDP: What victory? I lost to Felix Cordoba and hadn't competed for weeks.
Ken: Your future one. Against Silence.
JDP: Mute Boy?
Ken: Yeah!
JDP: Wait, when am I facing him?
Ken: ......................
Bob: ................................................
Chris: ...........................................................................................................u joking m8?
JDP: No.
Bob: You've been feuding with him?
JDP: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Ken face palms.
Ken: Sometimes your stupidity amazes me, Ken.
JDP: But you're Ken.
Ken: Oh, yeah.
Chris: Anyway, pre-lash is needed sahnshine! Everyone take a glass!
JDP: What the hell is it?
Chris: SILENCE!
JDP: Errr, no.
Chris: Just drink m8.
They all down their drinks. Just then Ken's phone rings.
Ken: The taxi's here boys! Let's get going!
Ken turns to smile at JDP.
Ken: Good job on making Silence quit, laddie.
---
Fade out...
---
Bob, Chris and Ken are all in a police cell. Chris is totally passed out in the corner, Ken is just stirring whilst Bob is shivering in the corner. For some reason he doesn't have a shirt anymore.
Ken: What the fuck? What the hell happened last night?
Bob: I have no idea. I was hoping you could fill me in.
Ken scratches his head.
Ken: I dunnae.
Officer: Messers Cock, Wanker and EdFag we're ready to process you.
Ken leans over to Bob.
Ken: Haha, who the hell said that was their names?
Officer: You did.
Ken: ...........o
Officer: Now come with me.
Ken looks like he's absolutely shit a brick. Bob nudges Chris and tries his best to wake him up before trying to carry him.
Ken: I DIDN'T DO NOTHING, OFFICER, I SWEAR!
Officer: We'll see.
The officer picks up a bottle of water and takes the top off before walking over and emptying the contents over Chris - waking him up in the process.
Chris: Wot? Huh? AHHHHH! I'LL FAHKIN SLASH U M8!!!!1!!one!!!1!!!
Officer: Will you now?
Ken: No he won't, officer, sir. He was just joking. Weren't you Chris.
Ken delivers a hard kick to Chris's shin.
Chris: OWWWWWW! No, sir.
Officer: Good. Now come with me.
The officer leads the way to an interview room.
Officer: So then. What do you have to say for yourselves?
Bob: About what?
Officer: Don't play dumb.
Ken: Yeah, Bob. Don't play dumb! But seriously...about what?
Bob: That's what I just asked!
Ken: But in a stupid way!
Chris: I CAN SHOUT TOO!
Officer: SILENCE!
Bob: You mean JDP’s opponent?
Officer: No. No one gives a shit about him. I mean shut the fuck up.
Ken: ...
Bob: ...
Chris: ... sorry.
Officer: So then. What do you have to say for yourselves?
Bob: That we're...sorry?
Ken: Very sorry, sir. So sorry. You don't know how sorry we are. /mimicking Bob.
Bob: Hush up.
Officer: Couldn't have said it better myself! Now then, you Mr. Cock *he points at Chris* have been arrested for indecent exposure. After you paused for a toilet break in the middle of a still crowded high street.
Bob: Chris, that's disgraceful!
Officer: And you Mr. EdFag then got your own dick out and hit me with it like it was a baton when I began to arrest your friend!
Bob: ............sorry.
Ken: Haha. You're both muppets.
Officer: And you, Mr. Wanker. You're in here for running around and telling everyone "SILENCE" and then giving them a bitchslap if they indeed DID shut up.
Ken: Th--
Officer: SILENCE
The officer bitchslaps Ken and he flies off his chair and onto the floor.
Officer: That's for when you did it to me. Now then. As it stands I'm fairly confident that whilst two of you might get off with a fine and a warning, that you Mr. EdFag could get a custodial sentence for assaulting a police officer.
Chris: LMAO!
Officer: Did he just--
Ken: Yes, he did.
Bob: Shut up, Chris. This isn't funny!
Chris: .......................it is m8.
Bob: Look, officer. I'm really sorry for what happened. But the truth of it is that I honestly can't remember what happened last night. I'm sure you can appreciate that?
Officer: How old are you three anyway?
Bob: 22
Ken: 22
Chris: 18 I mean. errrrrrrrrrr. 21 m8
Officer: So you're all new to the drinking sessions. And you have yet to know your limits. And this is going to teach you to learn them. Fast. Because you're being charged.
Ken: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I'm too pretty for prison!
Chris: I wouldn't go that far m8.
Bob: Look, officer. You know how sorry we all are. But you have to think of how this looks on you.
Officer: Huh?
Bob: An officer finds a group of lads on a night out. He goes to arrest them for the stupidity that their drunken antics are causing. Fair enough. I'm sure that's fairly standard practice.
Officer: Yes.
Bob: So how will it look if you, before managing to arrest the offenders, got attacked by one of their dicks? I'd presume you'll become the laughing stock of the force. Humans can be pretty cruel with nicknames...
Chris: Yeah m8. I was once called Nick the Greek.
Bob: Precisely.
Chris: Or Princess.
Bob: Errr, or that.
Chris: I was even called Small Dick.
Bob: That's enough Chris. But you get my point, officer.
The officer stares long and hard at the three of them.
---
Fade out...
---
We open up again to find Bob, Ken and Chris all grimacing as they clear the inside and outside of a police car all over. Chris is on his knees cleaning the wheels with a toothbrush, Ken is picking up the shit from under the seat and Bob is cleaning the outside with water.
Ken: I can't believe I have to do this as well. You were the one who was in fear of going to jail!
Bob: You were the one shitting yourself about being in trouble.
Ken: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck up. I wasn't the one saying 'Sorry' all the time.
Chris: 'Sorry'
Ken: 'Sorry'
Chris: 'Sorry'
Ken: 'Sorry'
Chris: 'Sorry'
Ken: 'Sorry'
Chris: 'Sorry'
Ken: 'Sorry'
Chris: 'Sorry'
Bob: HUSH THE FUCK UP!
Ken: SILENCE!
Ken jumps up and bitchslaps Bob, knocking him over.
Bob: WTF!
Ken: Had to be done.
Bob: Get back to the cleaning. The sooner we get this done the sooner we can go and check that John is ok. Ever think about where he might have got to?
Chris: Oh shit.
Bob: Exactly. Especially as he's a lightweight.
Ken: All fucking midgets are.
Chris: And he's the smallest of the small.
Ken: He’s so small Chris’ cock has a bigger gravitational pull.
Chris: U WOT?!
Bob: Anyway, we need to check he's ok. He's got Silence in a fucking I Quit match! The poor lad struggles in normal matches and being such a stubborn bastard he could suffer some real damage in this match before he quits if he's not fully prepared.
Chris: And if he was injured and out of the fed.......
Ken: .....we'll be out of a job!
Bob: Exactly. We need to find that pint sized pegleg and make sure he's capable of winning or we could be signing on!
Chris: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-
Ken: Let's finish cleaning this fucking car then, Ken.
Chris: You're Ken.
Ken: Oh, yeah.
---
To be continued...
---
Bob: Hello, Kurt Noble?
...
No, it's not John. It is his phone, but it's Bob. I work backstage and hang around with JDP a lot.
...
He's done nothing bad. Well. Errr. We just don't know. It might be best if you pull his match from the card.
---
Fade out...
---
We open up to find JDP walking backstage after his match with Esix Cordero. He reaches his locker room and hears some banging inside. Odd, I know. Before he can open the door though Alex Avice walks over to him, clearly not particularly happy to be doing so.
Avice: Err, John. I was hoping for a few words about you and Silence ahead of your 'I Quit' match after everything escalated again this week?
JDP: Who?
John opens his locker room door and walks in, shutting it behind him.
On the outside Alex just sighs.
Avice: I don't even know why I bother. It's like he has no idea what's even going on in his own life. Guy’s a fucking clown. I hope Silence wipes the floor with him.
As Alex walks off we cut inside to John, who is staring as Chris, Ken and Bob seem pretty dressed up. And have been playing with a bouncy ball inside - causing the banging.
JDP: What's going on?
Bob: Needed to kill some time.
JDP: But what's with the dressing up?
Ken: God forbid a man wants to dress up in some new threads to look good, eh.
Bob: Hush up.
Chris: Yeah m8. We're dressing up cause we're going out on the town!
JDP: But we don't have anything to celebrate...
Ken: Oh yes we do. Chris said his first english word today.
Chris: U WAT?!?!?! I'LL FAHKIN SLASH U M8!!!!!!111!!!!one!1!!!
Ken: But seriously. The reason we're going out again is that everyone knows that this is the night when all the fit clunge comes out. It's just our mission to go out there and find it!
Bob: Oh really? /sarcasm
Ken: Yeah. Like it was on this night that I had that threesome last week. Two genuine 10/10s. And I even had to knock a couple back! You remember me saying, Chris?
Chris: Oh yeah m8. You dropped me a text to ask if I wanted any of them. But as you knew I was doing a greek for beginners course and couldn't get out of it.
Ken: Exactly! I didn’t remember that you were on that course though.
Bob: Why didn’t you invite me then?
Ken: Because I thought you were gay?
Bob: ..........
Ken: Look. Trust me, it's a guaranteed shag when you go out tonight.
Bob: I'm still not convinced.
JDP: Then why are you dressed up as well?
Bob: It doesn't matter if he's telling the truth or not. There are still gunna be girls out tonight.......................that and he offered me some weed.
Ken smiles and nods smugly.
Ken: So you coming out as well, John?
JDP: Yeah, sure, whatever. Just let me go and shower and get changed.
Ken: We don't have the time. I've already called the cabs!
JDP: You've done WHAT? I have to go and see Kurt Noble about next week anyway!
Chris: CAHLM DAHN M8!
JDP: This is my job you tards. If the boss comes calling I have to go and see him. Not sure why he wants to talk to me. He doesn’t normally...
Ken: It's fine, John. Seriously. Me and Kurt, we go way back. He's the reason I actually work here - not Sterling. I'll simply drop him a text saying that you've got a family emergency and it'll be fine.
Bob: You and Kurt, friends?
Chris: It's true. I saw them playing tag once.
JDP: Tag?
Chris: Yeah - I saw Kurt chasing Ken around outside not long after Pride re-opened. He was getting really into it. Couldn't quite catch Ken though.
Bob and John stare sceptically at Ken who just shrugs.
Ken: Well he DOES have a bad leg. But that's besides the point. Get your stuff, John, and we'll be heading out.
JDP: Dressed like this?
Ken: Of course! Chicks dig wrestlers. The fanny'll be all over you. I've seen it happen before when I went out with AJ Styles, Triple H and Ric Flair. They were fighting the clunge off with a stick!
JDP: I'm not even going to ask more about that...
John heads off to grab a couple of things whilst Ken grabs a piece of paper and starts to write on it.
Chris: M8! You never told me you saw those three! They're my idols!
Bob: Hush up, Chris. What you writing anyway, Ken?
Ken: A message for Noble.
Bob: I thought you said you were going to text him?
Ken: Errrrr.....his number was in my old phone. And I haven't asked him for it again since I got my new one.
Chris: Must be why he never comes out with us. We should fahkin facebook him to get it again.
Ken: Yeahhhhhhhhhh.
JDP: We heading off then?
Ken: Yes! Think of it as celebrating your victory!
JDP: What victory? I lost to Felix Cordoba and hadn't competed for weeks.
Ken: Your future one. Against Silence.
JDP: Mute Boy?
Ken: Yeah!
JDP: Wait, when am I facing him?
Ken: ......................
Bob: ................................................
Chris: ...........................................................................................................u joking m8?
JDP: No.
Bob: You've been feuding with him?
JDP: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Ken face palms.
Ken: Sometimes your stupidity amazes me, Ken.
JDP: But you're Ken.
Ken: Oh, yeah.
Chris: Anyway, pre-lash is needed sahnshine! Everyone take a glass!
JDP: What the hell is it?
Chris: SILENCE!
JDP: Errr, no.
Chris: Just drink m8.
They all down their drinks. Just then Ken's phone rings.
Ken: The taxi's here boys! Let's get going!
Ken turns to smile at JDP.
Ken: Good job on making Silence quit, laddie.
---
Fade out...
---
Bob, Chris and Ken are all in a police cell. Chris is totally passed out in the corner, Ken is just stirring whilst Bob is shivering in the corner. For some reason he doesn't have a shirt anymore.
Ken: What the fuck? What the hell happened last night?
Bob: I have no idea. I was hoping you could fill me in.
Ken scratches his head.
Ken: I dunnae.
Officer: Messers Cock, Wanker and EdFag we're ready to process you.
Ken leans over to Bob.
Ken: Haha, who the hell said that was their names?
Officer: You did.
Ken: ...........o
Officer: Now come with me.
Ken looks like he's absolutely shit a brick. Bob nudges Chris and tries his best to wake him up before trying to carry him.
Ken: I DIDN'T DO NOTHING, OFFICER, I SWEAR!
Officer: We'll see.
The officer picks up a bottle of water and takes the top off before walking over and emptying the contents over Chris - waking him up in the process.
Chris: Wot? Huh? AHHHHH! I'LL FAHKIN SLASH U M8!!!!1!!one!!!1!!!
Officer: Will you now?
Ken: No he won't, officer, sir. He was just joking. Weren't you Chris.
Ken delivers a hard kick to Chris's shin.
Chris: OWWWWWW! No, sir.
Officer: Good. Now come with me.
The officer leads the way to an interview room.
Officer: So then. What do you have to say for yourselves?
Bob: About what?
Officer: Don't play dumb.
Ken: Yeah, Bob. Don't play dumb! But seriously...about what?
Bob: That's what I just asked!
Ken: But in a stupid way!
Chris: I CAN SHOUT TOO!
Officer: SILENCE!
Bob: You mean JDP’s opponent?
Officer: No. No one gives a shit about him. I mean shut the fuck up.
Ken: ...
Bob: ...
Chris: ... sorry.
Officer: So then. What do you have to say for yourselves?
Bob: That we're...sorry?
Ken: Very sorry, sir. So sorry. You don't know how sorry we are. /mimicking Bob.
Bob: Hush up.
Officer: Couldn't have said it better myself! Now then, you Mr. Cock *he points at Chris* have been arrested for indecent exposure. After you paused for a toilet break in the middle of a still crowded high street.
Bob: Chris, that's disgraceful!
Officer: And you Mr. EdFag then got your own dick out and hit me with it like it was a baton when I began to arrest your friend!
Bob: ............sorry.
Ken: Haha. You're both muppets.
Officer: And you, Mr. Wanker. You're in here for running around and telling everyone "SILENCE" and then giving them a bitchslap if they indeed DID shut up.
Ken: Th--
Officer: SILENCE
The officer bitchslaps Ken and he flies off his chair and onto the floor.
Officer: That's for when you did it to me. Now then. As it stands I'm fairly confident that whilst two of you might get off with a fine and a warning, that you Mr. EdFag could get a custodial sentence for assaulting a police officer.
Chris: LMAO!
Officer: Did he just--
Ken: Yes, he did.
Bob: Shut up, Chris. This isn't funny!
Chris: .......................it is m8.
Bob: Look, officer. I'm really sorry for what happened. But the truth of it is that I honestly can't remember what happened last night. I'm sure you can appreciate that?
Officer: How old are you three anyway?
Bob: 22
Ken: 22
Chris: 18 I mean. errrrrrrrrrr. 21 m8
Officer: So you're all new to the drinking sessions. And you have yet to know your limits. And this is going to teach you to learn them. Fast. Because you're being charged.
Ken: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I'm too pretty for prison!
Chris: I wouldn't go that far m8.
Bob: Look, officer. You know how sorry we all are. But you have to think of how this looks on you.
Officer: Huh?
Bob: An officer finds a group of lads on a night out. He goes to arrest them for the stupidity that their drunken antics are causing. Fair enough. I'm sure that's fairly standard practice.
Officer: Yes.
Bob: So how will it look if you, before managing to arrest the offenders, got attacked by one of their dicks? I'd presume you'll become the laughing stock of the force. Humans can be pretty cruel with nicknames...
Chris: Yeah m8. I was once called Nick the Greek.
Bob: Precisely.
Chris: Or Princess.
Bob: Errr, or that.
Chris: I was even called Small Dick.
Bob: That's enough Chris. But you get my point, officer.
The officer stares long and hard at the three of them.
---
Fade out...
---
We open up again to find Bob, Ken and Chris all grimacing as they clear the inside and outside of a police car all over. Chris is on his knees cleaning the wheels with a toothbrush, Ken is picking up the shit from under the seat and Bob is cleaning the outside with water.
Ken: I can't believe I have to do this as well. You were the one who was in fear of going to jail!
Bob: You were the one shitting yourself about being in trouble.
Ken: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck up. I wasn't the one saying 'Sorry' all the time.
Chris: 'Sorry'
Ken: 'Sorry'
Chris: 'Sorry'
Ken: 'Sorry'
Chris: 'Sorry'
Ken: 'Sorry'
Chris: 'Sorry'
Ken: 'Sorry'
Chris: 'Sorry'
Bob: HUSH THE FUCK UP!
Ken: SILENCE!
Ken jumps up and bitchslaps Bob, knocking him over.
Bob: WTF!
Ken: Had to be done.
Bob: Get back to the cleaning. The sooner we get this done the sooner we can go and check that John is ok. Ever think about where he might have got to?
Chris: Oh shit.
Bob: Exactly. Especially as he's a lightweight.
Ken: All fucking midgets are.
Chris: And he's the smallest of the small.
Ken: He’s so small Chris’ cock has a bigger gravitational pull.
Chris: U WOT?!
Bob: Anyway, we need to check he's ok. He's got Silence in a fucking I Quit match! The poor lad struggles in normal matches and being such a stubborn bastard he could suffer some real damage in this match before he quits if he's not fully prepared.
Chris: And if he was injured and out of the fed.......
Ken: .....we'll be out of a job!
Bob: Exactly. We need to find that pint sized pegleg and make sure he's capable of winning or we could be signing on!
Chris: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-
Ken: Let's finish cleaning this fucking car then, Ken.
Chris: You're Ken.
Ken: Oh, yeah.
---
To be continued...
---
