Post by Better Than Johnny Noble on Dec 18, 2010 19:45:30 GMT -5
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Continued...
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The scene opens up outside JDP's flat/house/living quarters/place/thingy. Bob, Chris and Ken are all there and just knocking on the door as we speak. Or rather as you read this.
Ken: I'm sure he'll just be in here with a bit of a hangover and he'll be fine.
Chris: Yeah, probably. Sahnshine probably got back from tahn a mess and has been watching Silence matches ever since.
The door is opened by Kyle Parker, John's brother.
Kyle: Hello?
Kyle: Hello?
Bob: We were just wondering if John's in?
Kyle: He's not at the moment he never came home last night.
Kyle: He's not at the moment he never came home last night.
Ken: He probably got himself some clunge!
Chris: ...........this is John, m8.
Ken: Good point.
Bob: And he didn't contact you at all?
Kyle: No, not at all. My mum's actually called the police over it. They're coming round right now.
Kyle: No, not at all. My mum's actually called the police over it. They're coming round right now.
Bob: You don't seem too worried?
Kyle shrugs his shoulders.
Kyle: Ever since the new Harry Potter came out I've felt like a bit of a ghost to be honest. I haven't quite been the same. Anyway, I need to go and find my sock. You can come in if you'd like.
Kyle: Ever since the new Harry Potter came out I've felt like a bit of a ghost to be honest. I haven't quite been the same. Anyway, I need to go and find my sock. You can come in if you'd like.
Kyle heads inside but the three members of the cliCK turn to confer.
Bob: It can't hurt to go in can it?
Chris: Aren't we better off looking elsewhere tho m8?
Ken: Fuck that. I bet John's maw is well fit and dirty!
Bob: How about we find John before you start to work your charm?
Ken: All I'm saying is that she probably wants a bit of back door fun. You two can still worry about John if you'd like whilst I oblige.
Bob shakes his head in exasperation when he sees a cop car pull up. And, unfortunately, the cop from before gets out.
Bob: Shit! It's the same officer from earlier!
Chris: WOT?!
Ken: Leg it!
Bob and Ken sprint off away from the officer whilst Chris sprints towards him. Chris trips over a blade of grass and smashes his face on the floor - his grunt attracting the attention from the officer.
Ken: Chris! This way!
Chris this time gets up and runs off in the direction of the others.
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Fade out...
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Outside a gym just round the corner the three of them catch their breath.
Chris: Y DID U 2 LEABE ME BEHIND?!
Bob: Chris, you ran the wrong way.
Chris: BOLLSHIT!
Ken: SILENCE!
Ken jumps forward and bitchslaps Chris, knocking him to the floor.
Chris: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!
Bob: Hush up.
Ken: Anyway laddies. I reckon we should have a look in here.
Bob: Why?
Ken: Well it's clearly his local gym isn't it. He might be inside?
Bob: Then why wouldn't he have gone home first?
Chris: Lost track of time, perhaps?
Bob: No.
Ken: Look, Bob. Stop being such a bender. This is a gym. A GYM! There are more fit birds in these things than you can shake a stick at. Always wearing tight clothing as they work out. It's a wank bank goldmine!
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Fade out...
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Bob, Chris and Ken walk out of the gym in complete silence. Or rather, SILENCE.
Bob: W-Wh-What did we just see?
Chris: Not JDP.
Ken keels over and throws up on the sidewalk.
Bob: I thought you said there would be fit girls in there, Ken! I didn't want to see....that!
Ken: My bad.
Bob: You're bad? It's--
Bob is interrupted by his phone going.
Bob: Dad?
...
Oh shit. I forgot to say. Yeah, I just stayed at a mates.
...
Dad! Is it really that unbelievable that I'd get with a woman?
Bob pulls the 'Rob Face'.
Bob: Whatever, Dad. I'll be home later. I need to help find John.
...
No! We're not playing hide and seek! We--
Bob's dad clearly puts the phone down.
Bob: ARGH!
Chris: Your old man giving you grief?
Ken: He find your gay porn stash?
Bob: Har-har.
No sooner has he put his phone away that his pocket rings again. He angrily reaches into his pocket and snatches the vibrating phone. A different phone this time, though.
Bob: WHAT?!
Chris: Hello?
Bob: Chris?
Chris: Bob?
Bob: ................oh shit.
Bob hangs up.
Chris: Wot was it m8?
Ken: Why were you two on the phone?
Chris: I called John m8. Thought he might pick up.
Bob: As good an idea as that was. This...this is John's phone. I didn't notice when they gave it me back at the police station.
Ken: Smashing. So now we can't even call him!
Bob: What? Don't blame me! It could have been one of you two who took it off him for all we know!
Chris: WOT? I knew all along he had a match to prepare for, m8. I would have never done anything to hurt that!
Something suddenly dawns on Ken.
Ken: No way.
Bob: What? You spotted some 'MILF' who you're off to get a blowjob from?
Ken: Chris, you remember in John's locker room? And you all made us drink something for pre-lash?
Chris: Yeah m8?
Ken: Did you put something in those drinks?
Chris: No sahn.
Ken: You sure? This is important!
Bob: What, you think this is the Hangover? You think that we all forgot everything last night because of drugs and John is going to turn up massively sunburnt on top of a rooftop? It doesn't work like that!
Ken: SILENCE!
Ken jumps forward but this time Bob sidesteps the bitchslap and trips Ken up. All this does, though, is send Ken head first into Chris'..........groin.......region..........Either way it's ended up with Chris keeling over so much that shit has started to fall out of his pocket.
Bob steps away from the two of them and grabs JDP's phone again.
Ken: What are you doing?
Bob: I'm going to call Kurt Noble. Explain what's happened and warn him in advance that John might not be able to compete this week against Silence. At least that way it won't be a surprise and he'll be less likely to fire John.
Chris: Oh, did Ken give him your number?
Bob: Whose? Nobles? Not likely.
Bob shoots Ken a look that could kill before stepping away from the two. They sit glum on the floor whilst Bob runs his hand through his hair.
Bob: Hello, Kurt Noble?
...
No, it's not John. It is his phone, but it's Bob. I work backstage and hang around with JDP a lot.
...
He's done nothing bad. Well. Errr. We just don't know. It might be best if you pull his match from the card.
Suddenly Chris spears Bob off the pavement and into the middle of the road! The phone gets dropped onto the floor and is crushed by a car swerving to avoid them.
Bob: WHAT THE FUCK? YOU TRYING TO GET ME KILLED?!
Chris: CALM DAHN M8! I'VE JUST REMEMBERED SUMMIN! Look at this receipt.
Chris pulls out a receipt that had fallen out of his pocket.
Bob: The 'Pour House'?
Ken: Of course! It's on the way from the arena to the clubs! We must have stopped off there!
Chris: Maybe they can tell us more of what happened last night!
---
Fade out...
---
Bob: I still don't know why you had to tackle me to the floor though.
Chris shrugs.
Chris: Had to be done m8.
The three walk into the pub and look around.
Bob: ...why is everyone staring at us?
Ken: God forbid a man wants to come in and have a drink, eh.
Bob: Hush up, Ken. I'm serious.
The glaring eyes freaks Chris out and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a knife!
Chris: WHO R U LOOKIN' @ BITCHES?! I'LL DO YOU IN! THE LOT OF YA! I'LL FAHKIN SLASH YER UNTIL YOUR MAWS DON'T RECONGIZE YA!
Ken: CHRIS!
Bob: WTF MAN?!
Ken: He doesn't mean that.
Ken says holding his arms up innocently.
Bob: No, sorry.
Chris: 'Sorry'.
Ken: Not the time, Chris.
Bartender: Haven't you three caused enough trouble?
Ken: Trouble?
Bartender: Sure, the little one you were with was the worst. But I don't think you should come here again. Ever!
Bob: If you don't mind me asking...what did we do exactly?
Bartender: Are you taking the piss?
Chris: No m8. We can't remember last night at all. We were just trying to find out what happened to our mate.
Bartender: Well if he kept telling that joke all night and you weren't around to pull him away I'd check the hospital.
Ken: What joke? I dunnae what you're talking about, ken.
Bartender: I'm not Ken.
Bob: He's Ken.
Bartender: Huh?
Bob: Best to ignore him.
Bartender: Well to get rid of you I'm willing to show you the CCTV from last night. Come through here.
The trio follow to a back room where the bartender hits a few buttons to get a split screen security footage of the previous joke. He selects one of them to put sound on, one at the bar, and fast forwards to the relevant section. He hits play and leaves them to it.
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Fade out...
---
With John at their side all of them, seemingly smashed already, are at a bar with a bottle of beer in hand each. John is talking rather loudly to a couple of big looking blokes at the bar. Ken is so pissed he looks like he's falling asleep.
JDP: Hey, do you two know all of the states of America?
Man: Most of them, why?
JDP: Y'see I was just wondering. I'm from the UK. Like, is there a state beginning with A?
Man: Arkansas
JDP: And what about M?
Man: Missouri.
Bob: Where are you going with this John?
JDP: Hush up, sheepshagger. Or should I say...SILENCE!
JDP bitchslaps Bob and chuckles to himself.
JDP: Anyway, what about a couple of states which have two words in them?
Man: North Carolina and South Carolina.
JDP: You're good. He's gooooooooood. But now I think I'll have you stumped.
John leans forward on his stool and hiccups.
JDP: What state with two words has the first word start with a P and the second with an H?
As John thought the man is stumped. He even confers with his mate.
Man: There isn't one.
John: There is! Pearl Harbour! *to the barman* Another drink please, mate. On this fella here.
Man: Pearl Harbour isn't a state you daft bastard!
John: Oh. Well it was after the Japs were through with it!
Chris (there on the video): LMAO!
Chris (watching the CCTV): ROFL!
Everyone else at the bar: ...............................
They all get to their feet and stare at John and Chris who are cackling away.
Bob: Errr, guys. Guys. I think we should get going here!
Bob nudges Ken hard to wake him up. People advance on them.
Bob: Guys. RUN!
The four of them leg it from the bar before anyone can catch them.
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Fade out...
---
Back watching the CCTV Ken, Chris and Bob exchange glances.
Ken: Smashing. So he's pissed off the entire country.
Chris: Look! There's more!
Chris points at a different section of the split screen which shows the outside of the pub. It shows the foursome sprint out of the pub and Chris trip up and land face first on the concrete!
Involuntarily Chris, watching the video, reaches out to his head.
Chris: Owww. I wondered why this hurt so much. I assumed we made so many Silence jokes last night that I got a migraine.
Bob: Did you go to hospital?
Chris: I don't know. That's the point of last night m8. We don't know what's gone on.
Bob: But did your pockets have anything from the hospital!
Ken: Why would w--OH! We can see exactly where we lost him!
Bob: Exactly!
Chris: I do actually sahn. I have this.
Chris holds up some sheet of paper. Ken and Bob high five.
---
Fade out...
---
Practically as soon as they walk into the hospital a nurse runs over to the three of them
Nurse: There you are! We were wondering when you three would be back.
Ken: Huh?
Nurse: You said you'd be back in the morning to pick your mate up. You know, the one with the broken leg?
Chris: WOT?!
Bob: Broken leg!
Nurse: Yeah. Right this way...
The nurse leads them down a couple of corridors to a ward. She motions for them to go in and as they do so they look on their right to see someone in a bed with a cast...
Chris: That's not our m8.
Ken: That's just a fucking nigger!
The nurse looks offended. Horribly.
Ken: It's alright. I have a paki/black mate. I'm allowed to say it.
He pats her on the back and gives her a cheeky wink.
Nurse: I didn't mean him anyway. Next one along!
Sure enough the next one along has JDP in with his leg in a cast.
Bob: John!
Chris: Where've you been?!
JDP: Clearly here, you idiot.
Chris: ..............o. Good point m8.
Ken: So any fit nurses in here feeling your groin up then?
The nurse gives Ken evils and he sheepishly smiles back.
JDP: How did I do this anyway? I don't remember shit.
Bob: Neither can we. It's why we've been so long!
Chris: But yeah sahn. How'd you get it?
JDP: I woke up like this.
Nurse: He got it done whilst we bandaged your head.
Ken: Wait, they were treated at the same time?
Nurse: That's what I said, racist pig.
Ken sheepishly smiles, but the nurse keeps glaring.
Ken: Weird. People normally can't stay mad at me whatever I say...
Bob: Nurse, sorry to waste your time, but can you just x-ray John again? It's just. When we left to come here there was nothing wrong with him. And he's got an important wrestling match this week he needs to compete in.
Nurse: Fine, I can check. We were rushing around last night with an overflow of pissheads so double checking now won't hurt.
---
Fade out...
---
We return to see John sitting down, now with no cast on, glaring at the three of them.
JDP: You three could have had me in a cast for no reason for months FFS!
Ken: It was...for your own good!
Chris: Yeah m8..............................how?
Bob: We were worried that you'd damage your leg on the night out...so we got it covered in plaster by switching some x-rays...because we thought if you damaged your leg too bad you might get caught in a submission from Silence...and be forced to quit!
Chris: Nice recovery /whispers
Bob: Cheers /whispers back.
The two do a subtle high five behind their back whilst John keeps staring at them...like a turtle.
JDP: I'll let you off this time. Just because it was actually quite funny now I look back.
Ken: Yeah, it was haha!
JDP: But I still don't know what you mean about this 'I Quit' match with Mute Boy!
Ken: ...................................................
Chris: ..............................................................
Bob: ..............................................................................
JDP: CHECK YOUR Y-FRONTS, I'M ONLY PULLING YOUR PISSER! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Silence is going down. Ima make that bitch learn to speak the words ‘I Quit’!
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Fini!
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Continued...
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The scene opens up outside JDP's flat/house/living quarters/place/thingy. Bob, Chris and Ken are all there and just knocking on the door as we speak. Or rather as you read this.
Ken: I'm sure he'll just be in here with a bit of a hangover and he'll be fine.
Chris: Yeah, probably. Sahnshine probably got back from tahn a mess and has been watching Silence matches ever since.
The door is opened by Kyle Parker, John's brother.
Kyle: Hello?
Kyle: Hello?
Bob: We were just wondering if John's in?
Kyle: He's not at the moment he never came home last night.
Kyle: He's not at the moment he never came home last night.
Ken: He probably got himself some clunge!
Chris: ...........this is John, m8.
Ken: Good point.
Bob: And he didn't contact you at all?
Kyle: No, not at all. My mum's actually called the police over it. They're coming round right now.
Kyle: No, not at all. My mum's actually called the police over it. They're coming round right now.
Bob: You don't seem too worried?
Kyle shrugs his shoulders.
Kyle: Ever since the new Harry Potter came out I've felt like a bit of a ghost to be honest. I haven't quite been the same. Anyway, I need to go and find my sock. You can come in if you'd like.
Kyle: Ever since the new Harry Potter came out I've felt like a bit of a ghost to be honest. I haven't quite been the same. Anyway, I need to go and find my sock. You can come in if you'd like.
Kyle heads inside but the three members of the cliCK turn to confer.
Bob: It can't hurt to go in can it?
Chris: Aren't we better off looking elsewhere tho m8?
Ken: Fuck that. I bet John's maw is well fit and dirty!
Bob: How about we find John before you start to work your charm?
Ken: All I'm saying is that she probably wants a bit of back door fun. You two can still worry about John if you'd like whilst I oblige.
Bob shakes his head in exasperation when he sees a cop car pull up. And, unfortunately, the cop from before gets out.
Bob: Shit! It's the same officer from earlier!
Chris: WOT?!
Ken: Leg it!
Bob and Ken sprint off away from the officer whilst Chris sprints towards him. Chris trips over a blade of grass and smashes his face on the floor - his grunt attracting the attention from the officer.
Ken: Chris! This way!
Chris this time gets up and runs off in the direction of the others.
---
Fade out...
---
Outside a gym just round the corner the three of them catch their breath.
Chris: Y DID U 2 LEABE ME BEHIND?!
Bob: Chris, you ran the wrong way.
Chris: BOLLSHIT!
Ken: SILENCE!
Ken jumps forward and bitchslaps Chris, knocking him to the floor.
Chris: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!
Bob: Hush up.
Ken: Anyway laddies. I reckon we should have a look in here.
Bob: Why?
Ken: Well it's clearly his local gym isn't it. He might be inside?
Bob: Then why wouldn't he have gone home first?
Chris: Lost track of time, perhaps?
Bob: No.
Ken: Look, Bob. Stop being such a bender. This is a gym. A GYM! There are more fit birds in these things than you can shake a stick at. Always wearing tight clothing as they work out. It's a wank bank goldmine!
---
Fade out...
---
Bob, Chris and Ken walk out of the gym in complete silence. Or rather, SILENCE.
Bob: W-Wh-What did we just see?
Chris: Not JDP.
Ken keels over and throws up on the sidewalk.
Bob: I thought you said there would be fit girls in there, Ken! I didn't want to see....that!
Ken: My bad.
Bob: You're bad? It's--
Bob is interrupted by his phone going.
Bob: Dad?
...
Oh shit. I forgot to say. Yeah, I just stayed at a mates.
...
Dad! Is it really that unbelievable that I'd get with a woman?
Bob pulls the 'Rob Face'.
Bob: Whatever, Dad. I'll be home later. I need to help find John.
...
No! We're not playing hide and seek! We--
Bob's dad clearly puts the phone down.
Bob: ARGH!
Chris: Your old man giving you grief?
Ken: He find your gay porn stash?
Bob: Har-har.
No sooner has he put his phone away that his pocket rings again. He angrily reaches into his pocket and snatches the vibrating phone. A different phone this time, though.
Bob: WHAT?!
Chris: Hello?
Bob: Chris?
Chris: Bob?
Bob: ................oh shit.
Bob hangs up.
Chris: Wot was it m8?
Ken: Why were you two on the phone?
Chris: I called John m8. Thought he might pick up.
Bob: As good an idea as that was. This...this is John's phone. I didn't notice when they gave it me back at the police station.
Ken: Smashing. So now we can't even call him!
Bob: What? Don't blame me! It could have been one of you two who took it off him for all we know!
Chris: WOT? I knew all along he had a match to prepare for, m8. I would have never done anything to hurt that!
Something suddenly dawns on Ken.
Ken: No way.
Bob: What? You spotted some 'MILF' who you're off to get a blowjob from?
Ken: Chris, you remember in John's locker room? And you all made us drink something for pre-lash?
Chris: Yeah m8?
Ken: Did you put something in those drinks?
Chris: No sahn.
Ken: You sure? This is important!
Bob: What, you think this is the Hangover? You think that we all forgot everything last night because of drugs and John is going to turn up massively sunburnt on top of a rooftop? It doesn't work like that!
Ken: SILENCE!
Ken jumps forward but this time Bob sidesteps the bitchslap and trips Ken up. All this does, though, is send Ken head first into Chris'..........groin.......region..........Either way it's ended up with Chris keeling over so much that shit has started to fall out of his pocket.
Bob steps away from the two of them and grabs JDP's phone again.
Ken: What are you doing?
Bob: I'm going to call Kurt Noble. Explain what's happened and warn him in advance that John might not be able to compete this week against Silence. At least that way it won't be a surprise and he'll be less likely to fire John.
Chris: Oh, did Ken give him your number?
Bob: Whose? Nobles? Not likely.
Bob shoots Ken a look that could kill before stepping away from the two. They sit glum on the floor whilst Bob runs his hand through his hair.
Bob: Hello, Kurt Noble?
...
No, it's not John. It is his phone, but it's Bob. I work backstage and hang around with JDP a lot.
...
He's done nothing bad. Well. Errr. We just don't know. It might be best if you pull his match from the card.
Suddenly Chris spears Bob off the pavement and into the middle of the road! The phone gets dropped onto the floor and is crushed by a car swerving to avoid them.
Bob: WHAT THE FUCK? YOU TRYING TO GET ME KILLED?!
Chris: CALM DAHN M8! I'VE JUST REMEMBERED SUMMIN! Look at this receipt.
Chris pulls out a receipt that had fallen out of his pocket.
Bob: The 'Pour House'?
Ken: Of course! It's on the way from the arena to the clubs! We must have stopped off there!
Chris: Maybe they can tell us more of what happened last night!
---
Fade out...
---
Bob: I still don't know why you had to tackle me to the floor though.
Chris shrugs.
Chris: Had to be done m8.
The three walk into the pub and look around.
Bob: ...why is everyone staring at us?
Ken: God forbid a man wants to come in and have a drink, eh.
Bob: Hush up, Ken. I'm serious.
The glaring eyes freaks Chris out and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a knife!
Chris: WHO R U LOOKIN' @ BITCHES?! I'LL DO YOU IN! THE LOT OF YA! I'LL FAHKIN SLASH YER UNTIL YOUR MAWS DON'T RECONGIZE YA!
Ken: CHRIS!
Bob: WTF MAN?!
Ken: He doesn't mean that.
Ken says holding his arms up innocently.
Bob: No, sorry.
Chris: 'Sorry'.
Ken: Not the time, Chris.
Bartender: Haven't you three caused enough trouble?
Ken: Trouble?
Bartender: Sure, the little one you were with was the worst. But I don't think you should come here again. Ever!
Bob: If you don't mind me asking...what did we do exactly?
Bartender: Are you taking the piss?
Chris: No m8. We can't remember last night at all. We were just trying to find out what happened to our mate.
Bartender: Well if he kept telling that joke all night and you weren't around to pull him away I'd check the hospital.
Ken: What joke? I dunnae what you're talking about, ken.
Bartender: I'm not Ken.
Bob: He's Ken.
Bartender: Huh?
Bob: Best to ignore him.
Bartender: Well to get rid of you I'm willing to show you the CCTV from last night. Come through here.
The trio follow to a back room where the bartender hits a few buttons to get a split screen security footage of the previous joke. He selects one of them to put sound on, one at the bar, and fast forwards to the relevant section. He hits play and leaves them to it.
---
Fade out...
---
With John at their side all of them, seemingly smashed already, are at a bar with a bottle of beer in hand each. John is talking rather loudly to a couple of big looking blokes at the bar. Ken is so pissed he looks like he's falling asleep.
JDP: Hey, do you two know all of the states of America?
Man: Most of them, why?
JDP: Y'see I was just wondering. I'm from the UK. Like, is there a state beginning with A?
Man: Arkansas
JDP: And what about M?
Man: Missouri.
Bob: Where are you going with this John?
JDP: Hush up, sheepshagger. Or should I say...SILENCE!
JDP bitchslaps Bob and chuckles to himself.
JDP: Anyway, what about a couple of states which have two words in them?
Man: North Carolina and South Carolina.
JDP: You're good. He's gooooooooood. But now I think I'll have you stumped.
John leans forward on his stool and hiccups.
JDP: What state with two words has the first word start with a P and the second with an H?
As John thought the man is stumped. He even confers with his mate.
Man: There isn't one.
John: There is! Pearl Harbour! *to the barman* Another drink please, mate. On this fella here.
Man: Pearl Harbour isn't a state you daft bastard!
John: Oh. Well it was after the Japs were through with it!
Chris (there on the video): LMAO!
Chris (watching the CCTV): ROFL!
Everyone else at the bar: ...............................
They all get to their feet and stare at John and Chris who are cackling away.
Bob: Errr, guys. Guys. I think we should get going here!
Bob nudges Ken hard to wake him up. People advance on them.
Bob: Guys. RUN!
The four of them leg it from the bar before anyone can catch them.
---
Fade out...
---
Back watching the CCTV Ken, Chris and Bob exchange glances.
Ken: Smashing. So he's pissed off the entire country.
Chris: Look! There's more!
Chris points at a different section of the split screen which shows the outside of the pub. It shows the foursome sprint out of the pub and Chris trip up and land face first on the concrete!
Involuntarily Chris, watching the video, reaches out to his head.
Chris: Owww. I wondered why this hurt so much. I assumed we made so many Silence jokes last night that I got a migraine.
Bob: Did you go to hospital?
Chris: I don't know. That's the point of last night m8. We don't know what's gone on.
Bob: But did your pockets have anything from the hospital!
Ken: Why would w--OH! We can see exactly where we lost him!
Bob: Exactly!
Chris: I do actually sahn. I have this.
Chris holds up some sheet of paper. Ken and Bob high five.
---
Fade out...
---
Practically as soon as they walk into the hospital a nurse runs over to the three of them
Nurse: There you are! We were wondering when you three would be back.
Ken: Huh?
Nurse: You said you'd be back in the morning to pick your mate up. You know, the one with the broken leg?
Chris: WOT?!
Bob: Broken leg!
Nurse: Yeah. Right this way...
The nurse leads them down a couple of corridors to a ward. She motions for them to go in and as they do so they look on their right to see someone in a bed with a cast...
Chris: That's not our m8.
Ken: That's just a fucking nigger!
The nurse looks offended. Horribly.
Ken: It's alright. I have a paki/black mate. I'm allowed to say it.
He pats her on the back and gives her a cheeky wink.
Nurse: I didn't mean him anyway. Next one along!
Sure enough the next one along has JDP in with his leg in a cast.
Bob: John!
Chris: Where've you been?!
JDP: Clearly here, you idiot.
Chris: ..............o. Good point m8.
Ken: So any fit nurses in here feeling your groin up then?
The nurse gives Ken evils and he sheepishly smiles back.
JDP: How did I do this anyway? I don't remember shit.
Bob: Neither can we. It's why we've been so long!
Chris: But yeah sahn. How'd you get it?
JDP: I woke up like this.
Nurse: He got it done whilst we bandaged your head.
Ken: Wait, they were treated at the same time?
Nurse: That's what I said, racist pig.
Ken sheepishly smiles, but the nurse keeps glaring.
Ken: Weird. People normally can't stay mad at me whatever I say...
Bob: Nurse, sorry to waste your time, but can you just x-ray John again? It's just. When we left to come here there was nothing wrong with him. And he's got an important wrestling match this week he needs to compete in.
Nurse: Fine, I can check. We were rushing around last night with an overflow of pissheads so double checking now won't hurt.
---
Fade out...
---
We return to see John sitting down, now with no cast on, glaring at the three of them.
JDP: You three could have had me in a cast for no reason for months FFS!
Ken: It was...for your own good!
Chris: Yeah m8..............................how?
Bob: We were worried that you'd damage your leg on the night out...so we got it covered in plaster by switching some x-rays...because we thought if you damaged your leg too bad you might get caught in a submission from Silence...and be forced to quit!
Chris: Nice recovery /whispers
Bob: Cheers /whispers back.
The two do a subtle high five behind their back whilst John keeps staring at them...like a turtle.
JDP: I'll let you off this time. Just because it was actually quite funny now I look back.
Ken: Yeah, it was haha!
JDP: But I still don't know what you mean about this 'I Quit' match with Mute Boy!
Ken: ...................................................
Chris: ..............................................................
Bob: ..............................................................................
JDP: CHECK YOUR Y-FRONTS, I'M ONLY PULLING YOUR PISSER! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Silence is going down. Ima make that bitch learn to speak the words ‘I Quit’!
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Fini!
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