My Official thread

[kida]

Someone Great is up. Any thoughts?

[Storm]

Ok, I'll be the first to have a go.

I wasn't quite sure what you were going for with the beginning part of it; I'm assuming its a larger scale, thematic thing you'll be developing so I'll have to wait and see. However, putting it as part of the same RP as the part you have labeled as "The Promo" kind of threw me off cause I spent a lot of time reading the monologue trying to find the link to the opening, which I couldn't figure out. Might be I'm just dumb or something though.

I also had to do a few double takes on that first part since you used "Rodrigo" instead of Rage or Rodriguez, and I also was kind of confused with whether you were supposed to be going to the airport and then changed your mind, or if the CCC was the plan from the beginning.

As for "The Promo" itself, obviously you have a different style than most people's script or narratives. I think the monologue worked well, especially since you the character's voice well. The different style will stand out and can work to your advantage, and since it was done well I can't complain about it. I'd just say don't fall into it too much since, as I'm sure you recognize, not every promo for every situation can be written that way. Still, like I said, when you can do it you've shown you can do it well.

Consistent tone and stuff, so the character feels "real." I'm personally not crazy about the over the top shoot and heavy, non-kayfabe violence stuff, but that's just my personal taste.

[kida]

Jul 16, 2010 19:40:05 GMT -5 Storm said:

Ok, I'll be the first to have a go.

I wasn't quite sure what you were going for with the beginning part of it; I'm assuming its a larger scale, thematic thing you'll be developing so I'll have to wait and see. However, putting it as part of the same RP as the part you have labeled as "The Promo" kind of threw me off cause I spent a lot of time reading the monologue trying to find the link to the opening, which I couldn't figure out. Might be I'm just dumb or something though.

I also had to do a few double takes on that first part since you used "Rodrigo" instead of Rage or Rodriguez, and I also was kind of confused with whether you were supposed to be going to the airport and then changed your mind, or if the CCC was the plan from the beginning.

As for "The Promo" itself, obviously you have a different style than most people's script or narratives. I think the monologue worked well, especially since you the character's voice well. The different style will stand out and can work to your advantage, and since it was done well I can't complain about it. I'd just say don't fall into it too much since, as I'm sure you recognize, not every promo for every situation can be written that way. Still, like I said, when you can do it you've shown you can do it well.

Consistent tone and stuff, so the character feels "real." I'm personally not crazy about the over the top shoot and heavy, non-kayfabe violence stuff, but that's just my personal taste.

All address this just a bit. I appreciate the feedback though.

Rodrigo is a nickname for Rodriguez.

Going to the airport means I'm flying out to the arena for my match.

I'm having dreams about having a family and etc. That's the missing link for Rage's happiness.

The promo is considered the 'on-camera' segment of the roleplay. Just pure trash talk really about the match, background of Rage, and problems that he felt needed to be addressed.

And I'll try to cut back even more on the usage of vulgarity, but that is sorta the purpose of 'Rage's' gimmick. But if it's really wanted for a better read, I'll make it happen.

Anyways, the feedback is much appreciated.

[Silence]

I'm with Storm, I had a hard time following it at first but after rereading it I think I got the jist of it. You're style is very different than what a lot of us are used to but that's not a bad thing at all. I look forward to what happens with Senor Rage down the line.