How I Got Here Feedback

[Adam Abel]

www.pridewrestling22.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=oblivionroleplays&thread=2042

So, this is a little different than my normal fare.

I wanted to establish all of my characters in one promo and let everyone get a little taste of what they are about.

Melanie and Adam are separated after his actions near the end of his last run in KoP and that is where we find him.

This is the start of a greater story featuring Abel and I would appreciate any feedback I can get. I will admit that sometimes I have some bad grammar so if you notice anything like that I will try to get better >_>

But anyway, I would appreciate any feedback/suggestions you guys have. I'm so happy to be back and writing for you all, I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it!

["The Divine Chaos" Galen Ronan]

The entire thing flows really naturally, even through the scene breaks - there's no place where you really go 'wow the tone switched there,' or anything like that. High quality, lots of variation in the characters, actual development and somewhat of an emotional connection to Ad/Mel...

Me likies. Only problems I have are that the match relevance is pretty tacked-on seeming (it honestly seemed like a character development RP with a couple of added lines about a match) and my personal preference is to more scene-describing shtuffs, though that's just me. I really enjoyed reading it and hope to see more from you in the future.

~Gay-len

[Adam Abel]

Yeah, I am usually all about match revelance. This is more or less a debut RP however, so I thought it would serve me better to focus on characters bc Abel wouldn't have any beef/thoughts with either of his opponents. But you will definitely see me match related stuff in the future.

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment and I am glad you enjoyed it!

[chriswilliams]

Outside of the bright blue being a total bitch to read, I really enjoyed the promo! You really took the time to portray Abel exactly how you want him to look, as well as all of the other characters involved in his story.


tl;dr version - Great promo, change the blue.

[Dru Tha Merc]

So I remember reading your PWF stuff, and you really are more and all about match relevance. Please for the love of god change the blue as Chris said. Haha. Also the yellow a bit? I like personal back story promos. It really makes the character look and feel real. What I take notice of your promo is you are one of those guys who at times, your scenes play out like a movie, and at other times, like a sitcom you find on HBO.

Dramatic, entertaining.

The scene that sticks out the most is Melanie and Adam's "half-way reconciliation". It's like, "We love each other, but this ain't working out right now". So to speak. I think that is the very STRONGEST part of your promo, but that's just me and my eternal romantic self.

The most forgettable part I think, is with Greg Abel, and almost wish you switched the scene positioning, because the scene with Melanie feels like a perfect climax. Adam Abel gets a door closed on him in the cold. It's cold outside. Okay. Time to go to work.

[Adam Abel]

I can see what you mean about the scene positioning but I kinda wanted it to end on a bright note.

On this go around I am going to try to mix is all up more, more storyline while filling in with match relevance.

I appreciate you taking the time out to read it and post some comments, good luck this week!