Adam Abel
New Pride Poster
Former PWF World Heavyweight Champion & 2009 Advent Cup Champion
Posts: 77
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Post by Adam Abel on Jul 16, 2010 0:24:03 GMT -5
Well, its my first KoP roleplay. I was just wondering what everyone thought. I wanted to give everyone a quick glance of my side characters/locations plus introduce Adam Abel to those who don't know him Any advice or feedback is always appreciated! Thanks for reading!
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Post by tommyhargrove on Jul 16, 2010 19:50:46 GMT -5
Hello Adam
I'm not sure how much stock you can put in my opinion after all I'm still fairly new to roleplaying, but figured I'd toss my hand into saying what I enjoyed about your roleplay.
I liked the initial interactions between Adam and Melanie it conjured up images of a tender scene between two people who care about each other.
I can't find much fault with you're roleplay, although the date breaks seemed to detract from the immersion, although that could be a personal issue and probably not really negitive in the grand scheme of things.
Anyway, hope my feedback helps,
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____
Veteran Pride Poster
Posts: 408
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Post by ____ on Jul 16, 2010 22:17:33 GMT -5
Hey Andy,
First things first, glad to see you out of a certain cesspool of a fed and in Kingdom of Pride where you belong.
As for the role play, I think it was a solid effort, definitely showed why you had the strap in PWF. The introductory scene was great, it allowed you to convey a lot about Adam without so many words. He’s proud of his heritage as evidenced by Fenway, showed that he was of some importance by being allowed into the hallowed grounds.
I didn’t mind the time breaks, in fact it would’ve felt weird without them. The scene with Melanie served it’s purpose, showing the devotion between the Abel’s. The one thing I didn’t like was the ending as it sounded very corny. Maybe it’s just me or that I’m young and not an old fogey such as yourself (<3) but I couldn’t see saying something like “Well, it’s beauty pales in comparison to yours.” I get the idea behind it and it was good, it just ended on a bad note because that seemed incredibly forced instead of natural. It also in a way made Abel seemed a tad bit whipped, and that Melanie was with him solely because of the things that came with it which was different to the beginning.
The scene with Greg was alright, very basic and served solely to move the scene into the meat of it, the interview. The interview was exceptional and felt like a classic eighties wrestling promo. The emotion shown by Abel in running down Eagles using there history went along with the general theme of the role play in explaining Abel so it didn’t seem out of place. It makes it pretty easy to tell that Abel is going to be family first, fans second and that he’s going to do it all through wrestling. I also like the way you brought it back around to respecting Josh, keeping him truer as a face as well. Too many people leave their face opponents looking heel in RP’s and it ruins it for me.
A few downsides to the promo, and this goes for a lot of them is that colors are “harder” to read on the white. They’re still legible but the black stands out more. Simple bold and italics should work just as well for a role play. I seem to remember Noble going thirty and nothing doing just that. The other thing I noticed was the amount of long pauses … that really interrupted the flow as I’m reading. Most of them could have simply been comma’s, with a few periods. The only time I could see a long pause as Abel gathered himself was in the last block paragraph before he addresses Josh threatening his family.
There wasn’t a lot content wise and it built a good base for the second role play, which was also well done, but I won’t get detailed on that. It’s definitely been good work of Josh and yourself, worthy of the main event.
Good job Andy.
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Storm
Regular Pride Poster
Posts: 179
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Post by Storm on Jul 16, 2010 22:23:56 GMT -5
I think you did a perfect job of actually doing an "introduction" character and weaving in the relevant stuff from your past while still making it clear this is for a new promotion.
I'm jealous :-p
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Adam Abel
New Pride Poster
Former PWF World Heavyweight Champion & 2009 Advent Cup Champion
Posts: 77
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Post by Adam Abel on Jul 16, 2010 22:29:41 GMT -5
Thanks for all the feedback everyone. I value each and everyone's opinions and I will take some things into my plans for next week's promos.
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Post by Trav McBang! on Jul 16, 2010 22:50:24 GMT -5
Always a fan, Andy. Good job. If you want more constructive criticism, I'll be happy to oblige.
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Adam Abel
New Pride Poster
Former PWF World Heavyweight Champion & 2009 Advent Cup Champion
Posts: 77
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Post by Adam Abel on Jul 16, 2010 22:56:54 GMT -5
Go ahead man...and who are you >_>
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Post by Trav McBang! on Jul 16, 2010 23:30:48 GMT -5
Opening bit: Was it a little cheesy? Yes. But Hell, Abel even admitted it. It's fun to write a character who does it for the fans...I'd be lying if I said that Abel wasn't a bit of inspiration for James McBang's final month. You walk the line between nauseatingly cheesy and sincere well, Andy. Middle bit: Love the dynamic with Melanie and Adam. Liked how you mocked your own character. You can tell that Melanie's based on your wife because of how natural the dialogue between the two is. End bit: The Greg/Adam stuff comes off as two brothers would. Based on a real brother there, Andy? The match relevant portion was class. It was cool to see you bring the history of Eagles and Abel in a bit. Eagles was wrong, Abel still has something left and this proves it. Introduction RPs, by and large, suck donkey nuts. You managed to make it more enjoyable than most, Andy. Kudos and karma. <3
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Adam Abel
New Pride Poster
Former PWF World Heavyweight Champion & 2009 Advent Cup Champion
Posts: 77
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Post by Adam Abel on Jul 17, 2010 0:01:41 GMT -5
HOLY CRAP ITS MCBANG!?!?!?! Thanks man, I appreciate the kind words
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