So I know this fed ain't good for feedback... <_<

[Eddie Nash]

www.pridewrestling22.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=oblivionroleplays&action=display&thread=2499&page=1

But I was trying to write something a little more emotionally invested than "I'm gonna' beat you up Wrestler B, so suck mah dick". Did it work? What did work? What didn't?

[Nick Pickle$]

Ill give this a shot with a review. Let me first say that I haven't read a whole lot of Nash's work, maybe only one or two rp's before. I do like the Biker gang story though, always a million ways it could go overall.

But onto this one. I think you got what you were shooting for in this certain rp. Was very "invested" in the scene and what it was trying to portray. Goes along with the theme of things just not going Eddie's way. The writing and descriptions of what was going on and what was happening was very well done. Could actually see the bruises showing up as he kept getting hit lol.

Again, I dont know if this is a series of rp's that inner-connect, so you'd have to correct me if im wrong (which is possible)...but the obvious thing this was lacking was match relevance. I am always a big stickler with that when it comes to rp's. And by that, I dont mean the whole thing be about the match. Im just sayin....see this rp, was very very good...but if it just coulda tied more into what was going down this week, woulda been a level or two above what it already was.

-Though perhaps you saying how the match might not go Eddie's way because of his partner not being a friend of his plus fighting two people who might want to kick his ass was it, then I got ya. Just saying the scene coulda talked more on the upcoming match after the emotional scene.

-Or perhaps the match doesn't really tie into Nash's current feud or storyline, and thus I can understand not having much to say on it.

Again, that's just my personal preference, I always try to do as much talking on the match as I do with the other story going on in my rp's. But in closing, very very good writing man. I did enjoy it and think you achieved what you were looking for.

[Obscene]

Domestic abuse, tasty. Compared with the RPs dealing with the issue that I've written/read, that was definitely one of the better ones. It's hard to write quality stuff and make sure it reads well when your character is only passively involved, but you did it perfectly. It was just as good when it exploded halfway through, and then a nice twist.

I liked the realism and the detail. There wasn't an individual part I didn't like because nothing you wrote fell flat. There was room for more quality but that's hardly a complaint - you seem to know when not to go overboard which is generally a good thing. The only problem I had with it was that it didn't totally work as a whole. The last part was anti-climatic and sort of out of place - which could have been what you were going for, I don't know - but still well written.

The match relevance was minimal, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. I liked the insights into Eddie's character, which you could argue is appropriate with the face-or-heel thing going on.

Feedback on my feedback? The topic title sounded like a challenge >_>

[Niles Markie]

Eddie, Eddie, Eddie... Do I have to tell you what I tell everyone?

Women are trouble son. Too much trouble for their own good, and I'm not even sure what a woman's own good is. That was an interesting promo though. Damn good. Has the whole mistaken identity situation. Makes me want to do a joint promo with you in some epic buddy-street-banger sort of thing.

It's good to read something that has nothing to do with wrestling once and a while, yet finds itself somehow coming back to wrestling. Only negative commentary I can offer, if it even is negative commentary is... I want to know the fate of Sarah. Will we see her again?