Post by Kid Flanagan on Feb 19, 2011 10:14:24 GMT -5
Oh I hate life, why couldn’t I had gotten some pussy when I was fourteen. Why, couldn’t my mother let the leash she had me go. Why did she have to be so protective. Why, couldn’t she let me be wild. Get some girl pregnant at the age of fourteen. Oh fuck yeah. Sure, probably would have sucked at that time, but hell things would have turned out a helluva lot better then what my life has turned out so far. Damn right it would have. I probably be living with that chick I would’ve knocked up if my mother wasn’t so strict, so protective over me. I be a father, with an eleven year old son right now. Damn, I be teaching him how to throw a nasty curveball, I watch him headshot zombies on Xbox live. Oh fuck that would be great to see. However, instead of what could’ve been, I am an twenty five year old man who still lives at home with his parents. I live upstairs, I pay 450 bucks for rent every month which includes my meals and such. So, I guess it likes renting an apartment, however I am still living with my parents which is just ruining my life, like if I don’t move out of here I am surely going to be in the sequel for the Forty year old virgin. Like I am almost sealed the deal last month but…..Well….I was well…Cock blocked by my mother….Don’t Believe me…Let’s rehash this memory that will haunt me forever, together shall we?…
“So, shall we go back to my parents place and tangle?” Yeah not the greatest pickup line I have ever used, but for some reason it slipped right out. Ok, I was nervous. I am not a very confident person, I bail under the pressure. But instead of running away from this chick, I blurted that line past her which made her laugh her ass off then she asked if I was for real. I pinched my skin, then replied with “Yes Madame, I am a real boy!”. After I blurted my second Faber gassed line out, I was instantly yelling at my Casanova self. This chick though must have had several drinks or was severely dizzy because she didn’t blow me off. She just smiled, then grabbed my hand. She then pulls me close, then whispers into my ear. “So, let’s go sneak into mommy and daddy’s house”. Fucking Christ…Almost blew my load on right there as she then grabbed my wing wong that went stiff hard through my jeans. I quickly nod my head, I paid her bar tab then we got the fuck outta there. As, I was going to finally lift this virginity tag off my fucking forehead.
We got to my place, we quietly made it into my parent’s house. We crept up the stairs, well ok not really. The busty blonde who was way outta of my league was so damn blitz or ditzy or both was just to god damn giddy. I thought for sure she was going to wake one or both my parents but no there door kept close as we finally reached upstairs. I guide the woman that was finally going to be the first kooch that my penis had ever touch to my room. I closed the door to my room. The busty blonde who I had all intentions to penetrate into late morning jumped on my bed. She then stuck her index finger in the air then with this say index finger signalled to me to make my way to her. Oh Fucking yes, I for some fucked up reason looked down at my wing wong, then say to it “Fucking yes, we made it to graduation big boy”. The blonde busty blonde just winks at me then says so seductively “ Come on big boy, the graduation party is waiting for you to attend”. Oh fuck yeah, I says to myself.
I don’t hesitant any longer as my virgin body jumps at this bimbo chick, we mess around with the lips. Then the clothes start to fly off her body. My eyes then come upon the bimbo’s exposed breasts. OH MY BLEEPING GOD! THOSE NIPPLES….My jaw dropped, I reached out to touch them but being the damn tease she is she leaps off the bed she then has her back to me. Then she starts to waggle that bodacious ass of hers for me. Damn, I have waited long enough, I have waited for this for too fucking long already in my pathetic life. I was ready to enter the poon. I get off my bed I then grab the bimbo. She turns around with a huge smile on her face. “You want to fuck my v jay right now!?”. I bobble my head yes so hard it was like I was a little kid at a local fair signalling “I want the cotton candy now“. She spreads her legs. “Come on big boy you gotta undress to reach the next level”. Oh fuck yes, I am gonna hit the level cap right now…
I am about to rip my pants off when the door to my room opens up…I almost go super sayian as I see my mother’s face enter my room. She looks at the bimbo, who sees my mother and waves at her….The rest of this fucked up memory is a blank.
CUT!
--------------------------------------------------------
If I had known that an golf cart gone rogue would be the reason why me and Kimberly would get back together, hell I would have called bullshit. However, after saving Kimberly from the dangerous golf cart we got back together. She instantly forgot the past, she instantly rewarded me for my bravery. Awww, makeup sex…Gotta love it! I now sit on my favourite red couch sitting beside my lovely girlfriend watching the number one contender fatal four way match that happened at the January 9th Oblivion. Kimberly suggested we watch it, so we could nick pick at what Esix’s strengths and weaknesses are.
As, we watch the damn match it begins to bore me. To be honest watching wrestling isn’t my cup of tea. Kimberly glances over at me to see the boredom glowing off my face.
Kimberly: You know this is a must, if you want to retain the syndicate championship.
I didn’t agree with her , I had won the syndicate championship without scouting my opponents by watching their previous matches. No, Kimberly’s job was to do that for me then get back to me on what I had to do yo win. However, for some reason for this match with the crazy Mexican Esix Cordero, Kimberly wanted me to relive the experience of what happened on January 9th. That night as a whole never went down right for me, to start with I ran out of Dr Pepper. So, I didn’t have my pre Dr Pepper drink before the match which just threw my night right off. So, I go into that fourway match with no Dr Pepper in my system, which makes me vulnerable. Like….Real vulnerable as John Parker was more crisp in that ring then I was. Sure, he’s a great athlete, I got like tons of respect for the guy but well….I think…I know I got more to offer in that ring then him. So, anyhow I end up getting pin then Esix eventually wins the match to become the new contender for my title. That’s alright with me but then Kimberly like goes all super bitch on me…Then well I go all super sayian then BAM…We break up…Then I go on huge mutta futting losing streak…Which takes me to this moment watching that match that has gotten me on this horrid losing streak.
Kimberly knows a lot is on my mind as when she is facing me, I am not glancing at her boobs but at her eyes. Big tell that I am not feeling too good.
Kimberly: Are you nervous about this match Kid?
Damn right I am, but shit I couldn’t admit it to Kimberly. I had to lie. So, with a straight face….I lie…
Kid: Hell no, I have seen what Esix has to offer. He wont catch me off guard in this match like he did on January 9th.
Alright so I don’t have a poker face. As, Kimberly reads that I am lying. She puts her arm on my cheek.
Kimberly: It’s ok Kid. This match is the biggest one of your career. You are defending your title against someone who arguably should be in the valiant title match. Esix Cordero is riding the hottest streak in KoP right now going into this super card. He has all the momentum going into this match leaving you with none going into this match. But, Kid don’t worry this isn’t WWE, momentum doesn’t mean jack shit…. You might have lost what…Five matches in a row, but it just takes this match to keep on top of the KoP mountain. It doesn’t matter how many matches Esix has won leading up to this Syndicate championship match has none of them will mean anything when he gets denied the most important win. You will shock KoP in this match by retaining the Syndicated championship against Esix Cordero.
Retaining the title sounded real good to me. Although all the KoP fan sites out there have me predicted to lose the title then end up dying in a dumpster outside the local seven eleven. Hearing Kimberly’s speech, hearing the confidence she had in me made me want to believe I could walk out The Knighting still Syndicate Championship but deep down I knew Esix Cordero wasn’t an Obscene or The Legend. Esix Cordero was an Hybrid Mexican who wasn’t going to go away in this match quietly. I then smiled at Kimberly acknowledging I appreciated her vote of confidence.
Kid: The last month has just been one helluva roller coaster for the both of us. Defending the title successfully against Esix at The Knighting would cap off this month as one that started poorly but ended so Awesome.
Kimberly nods at what I just finished saying. She then removes her hand from my cheek then grabs my left hand.
Kimberly: This match is just a whole lot of awesome Kid! This match can easily be billed “Winner becomes KoP’s Best”. I know it’s for the secondary championship belt but really to be honest you have easily made the Syndicated championship gain more prestige then the Valiant championship. You have held your title for like…Well, since like what September, you have defended it what twice? The Valiant championship since you have been here has been defended once successfully and has had three different champions over that span. The trend of having a different Valiant championship every month continues at The Knighting as a guaranteed new champ will be crowned.
She was right, every month a new valiant champion is crowned. Is it the competition is tough for that title or that no one that holds onto that title is worthy to be a true champion. “It’s one thing to win a championship but to truly be defined as a champion, you must defend that title against hungry contenders”. I have turned away hungry contenders the last two super cards. Now as I think about making it the third super card in a row where I walk out champ, Kimberly squeezes my hand. I snap out of my day dream state.
Kid: Yeah.
Kimberly grins at me.
Kimberly: What you thinking about?
Kid: Showgirls.
Kimberly giggles at my answer, which surprised me. As, first off she isn’t a fan of the movie, not cause of it’s awesome nudity either…No, Kimberly hates the movie cause it doesn’t make any sense…Oh come on, all the good movies make no sense! Like, Zombie Strippers for instance, No futting sense, but it was good movie. Kimberly then suddenly stops giggling.
Kimberly: Is Showgirls your new key word for Syndicated championship?
Good idea. I answer Kimberly’s awesome question with an awesome yes nod.
Kimberly: Well, I know your capable of slowing down the crazy Mexican Mixed Martial Artist. However, do you know your capable of walking out of The Knighting still holding your Showgirls over your head?
Awww, I seen what she did there…I love it. I then stand up from the couch then I grab my showgirls that is resting on the top of the couch.
Kid: Esix Cordero is my toughest challenge to date, he is so much better then my last challengers that the wrestling experts have chalked me up as the underdog in this match. The word on the street is I am not going to make it out of The Knighting being KoP’s Showgirl champion. Well, Kimberly with you along my side I will show the experts that they know nothing. I will walk into The knighting with my Showgirls around my waist, then after I make Esix tap to the greatest submission move ever…Da Tapper…I will raise my Showgirls in the air with satisfaction. As, retaining my Showgirls against Esix will be the greatest moment at The Knighting….Well, actually Stephen Callaway winning the Valiant championship will probably be the greatest moment….
Kimberly then gives me a look.
Kimberly: You really think a guy that has been beaten by you twice could beat a guy that has beaten you twice?
My eyebrow raised as she did give a good point but then again Josh Eagles two wins over me were cheap. He had help to win both of them. Without that help I made him look like a average Joe.
Kid: Absolutely, Callaway can beat Eagles. Not going to be a walk in the park for him but like me, Callaway will walk out of The Knighting a KoP champion.
Kimberly nods yes.
Kid: Yeah. The Knightling will be my fourth super card match in KoP. The previous three matches at super cards have been for my Showgirls championsip. I am 3-0 in those matches, I will keep that streak A LIVE! I will stay undefeated at super cards…Kid Flanagan will be 4-0 at super cards aftet The Knightling is all said and….DONE! WHEEE!
CUT!
“So, shall we go back to my parents place and tangle?” Yeah not the greatest pickup line I have ever used, but for some reason it slipped right out. Ok, I was nervous. I am not a very confident person, I bail under the pressure. But instead of running away from this chick, I blurted that line past her which made her laugh her ass off then she asked if I was for real. I pinched my skin, then replied with “Yes Madame, I am a real boy!”. After I blurted my second Faber gassed line out, I was instantly yelling at my Casanova self. This chick though must have had several drinks or was severely dizzy because she didn’t blow me off. She just smiled, then grabbed my hand. She then pulls me close, then whispers into my ear. “So, let’s go sneak into mommy and daddy’s house”. Fucking Christ…Almost blew my load on right there as she then grabbed my wing wong that went stiff hard through my jeans. I quickly nod my head, I paid her bar tab then we got the fuck outta there. As, I was going to finally lift this virginity tag off my fucking forehead.
We got to my place, we quietly made it into my parent’s house. We crept up the stairs, well ok not really. The busty blonde who was way outta of my league was so damn blitz or ditzy or both was just to god damn giddy. I thought for sure she was going to wake one or both my parents but no there door kept close as we finally reached upstairs. I guide the woman that was finally going to be the first kooch that my penis had ever touch to my room. I closed the door to my room. The busty blonde who I had all intentions to penetrate into late morning jumped on my bed. She then stuck her index finger in the air then with this say index finger signalled to me to make my way to her. Oh Fucking yes, I for some fucked up reason looked down at my wing wong, then say to it “Fucking yes, we made it to graduation big boy”. The blonde busty blonde just winks at me then says so seductively “ Come on big boy, the graduation party is waiting for you to attend”. Oh fuck yeah, I says to myself.
I don’t hesitant any longer as my virgin body jumps at this bimbo chick, we mess around with the lips. Then the clothes start to fly off her body. My eyes then come upon the bimbo’s exposed breasts. OH MY BLEEPING GOD! THOSE NIPPLES….My jaw dropped, I reached out to touch them but being the damn tease she is she leaps off the bed she then has her back to me. Then she starts to waggle that bodacious ass of hers for me. Damn, I have waited long enough, I have waited for this for too fucking long already in my pathetic life. I was ready to enter the poon. I get off my bed I then grab the bimbo. She turns around with a huge smile on her face. “You want to fuck my v jay right now!?”. I bobble my head yes so hard it was like I was a little kid at a local fair signalling “I want the cotton candy now“. She spreads her legs. “Come on big boy you gotta undress to reach the next level”. Oh fuck yes, I am gonna hit the level cap right now…
I am about to rip my pants off when the door to my room opens up…I almost go super sayian as I see my mother’s face enter my room. She looks at the bimbo, who sees my mother and waves at her….The rest of this fucked up memory is a blank.
CUT!
--------------------------------------------------------
If I had known that an golf cart gone rogue would be the reason why me and Kimberly would get back together, hell I would have called bullshit. However, after saving Kimberly from the dangerous golf cart we got back together. She instantly forgot the past, she instantly rewarded me for my bravery. Awww, makeup sex…Gotta love it! I now sit on my favourite red couch sitting beside my lovely girlfriend watching the number one contender fatal four way match that happened at the January 9th Oblivion. Kimberly suggested we watch it, so we could nick pick at what Esix’s strengths and weaknesses are.
As, we watch the damn match it begins to bore me. To be honest watching wrestling isn’t my cup of tea. Kimberly glances over at me to see the boredom glowing off my face.
Kimberly: You know this is a must, if you want to retain the syndicate championship.
I didn’t agree with her , I had won the syndicate championship without scouting my opponents by watching their previous matches. No, Kimberly’s job was to do that for me then get back to me on what I had to do yo win. However, for some reason for this match with the crazy Mexican Esix Cordero, Kimberly wanted me to relive the experience of what happened on January 9th. That night as a whole never went down right for me, to start with I ran out of Dr Pepper. So, I didn’t have my pre Dr Pepper drink before the match which just threw my night right off. So, I go into that fourway match with no Dr Pepper in my system, which makes me vulnerable. Like….Real vulnerable as John Parker was more crisp in that ring then I was. Sure, he’s a great athlete, I got like tons of respect for the guy but well….I think…I know I got more to offer in that ring then him. So, anyhow I end up getting pin then Esix eventually wins the match to become the new contender for my title. That’s alright with me but then Kimberly like goes all super bitch on me…Then well I go all super sayian then BAM…We break up…Then I go on huge mutta futting losing streak…Which takes me to this moment watching that match that has gotten me on this horrid losing streak.
Kimberly knows a lot is on my mind as when she is facing me, I am not glancing at her boobs but at her eyes. Big tell that I am not feeling too good.
Kimberly: Are you nervous about this match Kid?
Damn right I am, but shit I couldn’t admit it to Kimberly. I had to lie. So, with a straight face….I lie…
Kid: Hell no, I have seen what Esix has to offer. He wont catch me off guard in this match like he did on January 9th.
Alright so I don’t have a poker face. As, Kimberly reads that I am lying. She puts her arm on my cheek.
Kimberly: It’s ok Kid. This match is the biggest one of your career. You are defending your title against someone who arguably should be in the valiant title match. Esix Cordero is riding the hottest streak in KoP right now going into this super card. He has all the momentum going into this match leaving you with none going into this match. But, Kid don’t worry this isn’t WWE, momentum doesn’t mean jack shit…. You might have lost what…Five matches in a row, but it just takes this match to keep on top of the KoP mountain. It doesn’t matter how many matches Esix has won leading up to this Syndicate championship match has none of them will mean anything when he gets denied the most important win. You will shock KoP in this match by retaining the Syndicated championship against Esix Cordero.
Retaining the title sounded real good to me. Although all the KoP fan sites out there have me predicted to lose the title then end up dying in a dumpster outside the local seven eleven. Hearing Kimberly’s speech, hearing the confidence she had in me made me want to believe I could walk out The Knighting still Syndicate Championship but deep down I knew Esix Cordero wasn’t an Obscene or The Legend. Esix Cordero was an Hybrid Mexican who wasn’t going to go away in this match quietly. I then smiled at Kimberly acknowledging I appreciated her vote of confidence.
Kid: The last month has just been one helluva roller coaster for the both of us. Defending the title successfully against Esix at The Knighting would cap off this month as one that started poorly but ended so Awesome.
Kimberly nods at what I just finished saying. She then removes her hand from my cheek then grabs my left hand.
Kimberly: This match is just a whole lot of awesome Kid! This match can easily be billed “Winner becomes KoP’s Best”. I know it’s for the secondary championship belt but really to be honest you have easily made the Syndicated championship gain more prestige then the Valiant championship. You have held your title for like…Well, since like what September, you have defended it what twice? The Valiant championship since you have been here has been defended once successfully and has had three different champions over that span. The trend of having a different Valiant championship every month continues at The Knighting as a guaranteed new champ will be crowned.
She was right, every month a new valiant champion is crowned. Is it the competition is tough for that title or that no one that holds onto that title is worthy to be a true champion. “It’s one thing to win a championship but to truly be defined as a champion, you must defend that title against hungry contenders”. I have turned away hungry contenders the last two super cards. Now as I think about making it the third super card in a row where I walk out champ, Kimberly squeezes my hand. I snap out of my day dream state.
Kid: Yeah.
Kimberly grins at me.
Kimberly: What you thinking about?
Kid: Showgirls.
Kimberly giggles at my answer, which surprised me. As, first off she isn’t a fan of the movie, not cause of it’s awesome nudity either…No, Kimberly hates the movie cause it doesn’t make any sense…Oh come on, all the good movies make no sense! Like, Zombie Strippers for instance, No futting sense, but it was good movie. Kimberly then suddenly stops giggling.
Kimberly: Is Showgirls your new key word for Syndicated championship?
Good idea. I answer Kimberly’s awesome question with an awesome yes nod.
Kimberly: Well, I know your capable of slowing down the crazy Mexican Mixed Martial Artist. However, do you know your capable of walking out of The Knighting still holding your Showgirls over your head?
Awww, I seen what she did there…I love it. I then stand up from the couch then I grab my showgirls that is resting on the top of the couch.
Kid: Esix Cordero is my toughest challenge to date, he is so much better then my last challengers that the wrestling experts have chalked me up as the underdog in this match. The word on the street is I am not going to make it out of The Knighting being KoP’s Showgirl champion. Well, Kimberly with you along my side I will show the experts that they know nothing. I will walk into The knighting with my Showgirls around my waist, then after I make Esix tap to the greatest submission move ever…Da Tapper…I will raise my Showgirls in the air with satisfaction. As, retaining my Showgirls against Esix will be the greatest moment at The Knighting….Well, actually Stephen Callaway winning the Valiant championship will probably be the greatest moment….
Kimberly then gives me a look.
Kimberly: You really think a guy that has been beaten by you twice could beat a guy that has beaten you twice?
My eyebrow raised as she did give a good point but then again Josh Eagles two wins over me were cheap. He had help to win both of them. Without that help I made him look like a average Joe.
Kid: Absolutely, Callaway can beat Eagles. Not going to be a walk in the park for him but like me, Callaway will walk out of The Knighting a KoP champion.
Kimberly nods yes.
Kid: Yeah. The Knightling will be my fourth super card match in KoP. The previous three matches at super cards have been for my Showgirls championsip. I am 3-0 in those matches, I will keep that streak A LIVE! I will stay undefeated at super cards…Kid Flanagan will be 4-0 at super cards aftet The Knightling is all said and….DONE! WHEEE!
CUT!
center]