Post by Eddie Nash on Mar 23, 2011 14:22:06 GMT -5
Deep in Cookville, Tennessee, we're taken to the trailer park of which our hero Mr. Ed Nash called home. Feet up, beer in hand and with the television on The King of the Road was enjoying a quiet Monday night off. While the world around him was starting to go to sleep Nash was up watching his favourite genre of television, medical drama's at 11PM at night and would be damned if anyone was going to disturb him. Nash was tired, a little bit cranky and was sore as Hell after the events of the previous night. When Nash returned home from Survival of the Proud he slept for a good twelve hours, absolutely exhausted after wrestling for almost an hour with the aim of becoming number one contender to Josh Eagles Valiant title, a goal which he accomplished with amazing flourish.
Lying back on his bed, Nash's stomach heaved up and down slowly as he watched his television show transfixed with his hawk-like eyes. On screen a complex medical procedure was being performed, with Nash wrinkling his eyebrows ever so slightly at the great graphic detail of the surgery that was being performed. Nash's stomach growled as they removed a piece of the patient's gut, a symbolic reminder that Nash hadn't eaten a big enough dinner considering the amount of energy he'd burnt the night previously. Right at the critical moment of life or death in the operation, the feed cuts to advert breaks. Nash isn't amused, his eyebrows creased with frustration. He grits his teeth.
”And we'll be right back to Ether after a few messages from our sponsors...” announced the voiceover for the TV station as if only to mock The King of the Road. The Ether logo disappeared and was quickly replaced by a rather strange looking man in a multi pastel-coloured tracksuit in front of the world's cheapest set ever.
”HI! Are you fat?” the man announced, a massive grin on his face the size of The Great Wall of China. No punches were gonna' be pulled in this commercial, that much was apparent.
Eddie looked at himself, quickly tucking up his t-shirt to show his well-defined but not quite ripped abdomen. Six pack and all, Eddie simply nodded silently at the advert wanting to play along with the already irritating man in jogging pants that dominated his screen.
”Are you tired all the time?!” came the follow-up question from this increasingly irritating TV personality.
”Well, I can't argue with that one.” Eddie lamented, nodding his head knowing full well he wouldn't get responses from the screen. It was 11PM and it'd been an early start today so he was quite tired as it happened. Especially after fighting four other men for nearly three quarters of an hour.
”Are you tired of being a loser?” rang that especially patronizing tone now which was starting to cut a nerve with Nash but instead of getting angry he simply decided to mock the television with an equally patronizing and sarcastic tone.
”Most definitely. I can't handle life any more what with me not achieving any success as a wrestler..” Ed sulked, his bottom lip protruding as he pulled his shirt back down.
”Well then YOU should try my diet programme that promises to give you the kick in the ass you really need! Hi, I'm a jumped up personal fitness instructor that's getting paid double the minimum wage to sell my crap to you through informercials! I have been working for years on developing my fitness foods products to help you make the slimmer, healthier, sexier you. While you losers wasted away on degrees and high-rise fancy jobs I made the important discovery that taking acid makes you run faster! So, I come to you here today selling you my secret for a kings ransom so you can have a body like mine! At what cost? Probably the cost of an eye and a liver in a backalley operation with a completely unqualified Chinese doctor but meh, it's worth it to look like me right?” beamed this self-styled health guru, holding up a big stick of “Beef Jerkey”. Nash was chuckling now, this couldn't be serious could it? Could it?
”What? This has to be a joke...” Nash laughed in total disbelief, his eyes wide with amusement.
”So, I spent all my time working on a way combining your favourite snacks with copious amounts of barely legal chemicals and today I present to you to my fine line of fitness foods. Milkshakes, Cream Cakes, Beef Jerkey, Protein Powder, Gammon Steak, Hell, I might as well just sell you crack cocaine the stuff I've got in here! By paying extortionate sums of cash for my products you can have the results you want, WHEN you want. What's that I hear you ask? What products are they? These my friend are the Greg Lombardo F3 range of delicious sports snacks to get you running like my grandma's bowels!” spat the wonder jock with a disgusting simile to close it off. His eyebrows were unnaturally trimmed and his side-burns were mighty. This guy was a royal prick.
”These assholes are ALWAYS called Greg...” Eddie observed watching as now the camera panned out on the little close shot of Greg Lombardo and his products on a table. Now we could see a painfully thin blonde woman lying on the floor doing sit-ups just to get across the point that even with the best dieting products in the world you'll only be sexy and thin, or in the case of this girl, just thin if you put the work in.
”This over here is my lovely assistant who's been enjoying my protein product for about five years. Far from a fitness buff, this bitch was a prostitute I paid twenty dollars to blow a load in with no questions asked but she worked out who I was and threatened to sell her story unless I kept her around and gave her work to do. Not too bad though is she? For a dirty whore. Just goes to show fella's, even if you're fat and ugly there's some fine young women working the streets but if you look like me and you find a blackmailing bitch you might just get the services for free.” he beamed enthusiastically, a monumentally huge grin on his face. This guy simply had no off button.
”So Jenna... tell me... how has MY fitness schedule helped you to overcome your whorish obsession with f-” the narcissistic, borderline insane infomercial guru Lombardo began to ask but he was interrupted. Not in the show, but Nash's interest was drawn from Greg and directed at his ringing phone which was buzzing and shaking in his pocket while playing a dinky eight-bit tune.
”Hello?”
”Hey baby. It's me.” rang the sultry voice of lawyer Martha Harrison. He hadn't seen the cuckold since the time they'd had mad, passionate, biker/lawyer inter-social status sex some month ago.
”Oh... hey Martha. How's it going? I-, oh shit. I'm getting another call. It's from my boss. I need to take this. Can I call you back?” asked Ed, hoping she wouldn't try and seduce him over the phone.
”Sure sugar. Speak to you soon.” she agreed, putting an extra slow emphasis on the “sugar”. Nash hung up on Martha and quickly accepted the call from David James, one of KoP's road agents.
”Hello?”
”Hey Eddie it's Dave. First of all, congratulations on your big win. Beating Obscene the way you did and then overcoming Pitbull, Kid Flanagan, Eric Valor and obviously Johnny Noble the way you did is gonna' was onlt only awesome but is gonna' be a massive kick for DVD sales. Everyone loves a good underdog story and you overcame the odds to become number one contender so I got told by management to personally thank you for that.” thanked Dave warmly. He had a lot of admiration for Nash and it came across in his voice. Dave was a big fan and like many of Nash's fans was inspired by his never-say-die attitude.
”Thanks Dave. I want to thank Pride for helping me to turn my life around though. Without the help and support I'd be right back into the way I used to live my life. Shooting and polluting neighbourhoods, hurting people and just being an ass. I owe the life I lead now to Pride and to my fans. Really. I would be nowhere without Noble, Sterling and The Wolfpack.” said Nash back to Dave. Nash sat up on the edge of his bed now, an elbow on his knee as he listened intently to his road agent.
”Don't be so modest Nash. You carried the brunt of the weight in your successes and will do once again when you face off against Josh Eagles. I'm sure you appreciate the magnitude of the situation you're in.” explained Dave.
”Of course. I've lost lost twice in nearly twenty matches and have only been pinned once. Who by? By the man we call the Kingdom of Pride Valiant Champion, my opponent Mr. Josh Eagles. I'm fully aware of the gravity of the situation and I'm fully aware of my own personal axiom that I don't make the same mistakes twice. He will be my greatest opponent to date in a match of epic proportions. When there's no villain that the hero needs to defeat, the heroes fight each other for superiority. That is what it has come to with me and Eagles. My entire future hinges on my next confrontation with Eagles. So yes, I DO appreciate the gravity that my win at Survival of the Proud brings.”
”It's the big time for you Nash. You're a star, and the people want to see more of you. However, Pride management has decided given all the trials and tribulations you've been through to prove your worth to the Wolfpack and to the other non-believers it would be a shame if you were anything short of one hundred percent definite as the head honcho, the guy to beat in the Kingdom of Pride. No expense is being spared in ensuring that you're the ultimate contender.”
”But surely, the part where I won the Survival of the Proud match and became the number one contender is the part where I became the ultimate contender, right?”
”There's a difference between number one contender and the ultimate contender. One is simply a clause in your contract that says you're going to face the champion. An ultimate contender is quite simply the greatest challenge that the champion will ever face. We need to make sure that no stone is left unturned in establishing you as beyond shadow of a doubt the person who has taken every measurable step to ensure that they are truly the most deserving of the title shot.”
”Right... and how do you plan on doing that?”
”Well you've done most of the ground-work already. Your track record is outstanding, with a win and loss ratio of seven which alone screams contender. You've only truly been pinned once since you arrived here in Pride and that is of course by our humble champion. You're actually the number one contender which goes without saying given your amazing win at Survival of the Proud which only leaves you one more thing to do.”
”Oh, and that is?”
”Beat the last contender.”
”Right. I've already done that. Two weeks ago. Johnny Noble and Eddie Nash VS Jason Phoenix and Josh Eagles. I pinned him for the three count.”
”Nonono. Tag matches don't count. You need to prove that nothing can get in your way. That without distractions and flukes with stupid itty-bitty things like tag partners you can get the job done. You need to be focused and you need to dominate. That's why we're putting you one on one with Jason Phoenix this week. If you can beat him again, there will be absolutely no doubt in anyone's mind that you truly are the one person who deserves to face Josh Eagles and possibly even replace Josh Eagles as the top wrestler this company has.”
”I understand.”
”So will you face him?”
”I love competition. You didn't even need to ask. I'll drop the hammer right on Phoenix and show the world once again what I'm made of. No questions, no hesitations, no remorse, no distractions. I won't just show them what I'm made of, I'll prove just how tough I really am. Consider it booked.”
”Thanks man, you're awesome. Also, have you heard from Gemma since the split?”
”No. Why?”
”She seems mighty upset, is all.”
”Has she said anything?”
”No. She just seems really upset.”
”Well... listen, I gotta' go. I'm getting another call so I'll speak to you soon Dave.” said Eddie bidding his road agent farewell. He quickly redialled the number of Martha Harrison, curious as to what she wanted from him. His brow furrowed in puzzlement as he put the phone to his head once again.
”Hey honey. My husbands out of town for the next three days. How's about you get your sexy biker butt over to my house and we can have us a little fun?” cooed the sexy lawyer, sending shivers down Nash's spine. He could feel the desire dripping from her voice, causing the hairs on his skin to stand on edge.
”I'll be right over.” affirmed Eddie as he hung up the phone and picked up his keys. Throwing on his jacket with masterful casuality, he leapt onto his bike and roared off into the Tennessee sunshine down the long country roads from his new home in Cookeville all the way out to the large Knoxville home of Mortimer Harrison, the cities top personal injury lawyer.
It was there that Nash would proceed to relax and unwind and enjoy some time off from his rigorous training and hard work that was associated with his lifestyle as a professional wrestler. There were some perks to the job, that much was obvious and with Nash now officially on the right side of the law he was becoming more and more popular as a citizen. People in the street were recognizing him and The Sons of Anarchy who's reputation for violent crime was well documented were treated a lot better on the streets with Nash as their poster boy. This of course would continue and develop further with Nash's legitimisation. With his impending title match too his renown would only increase.
As Nash drove down the roads ready to commit the deadly sin of adding another set of digits to the cuckold lawyer's already beefy black book he began to ponder what other acts he could do to atone for his past. It was on the drive that the idea of a lifetime had struck him. More than just a stroke of genius, Nash had a bullet-proof plan to even the score with God and ensure that this bad ass in black could show the world his soft side and do some good. What was Nash's brilliant bright spark? Find out on this week's Oblivion, where Nash's masterminding shall all become apparent. Nash will defeat Jason Phoenix and prove to the world he deserves to be number one contender, that is a promise.
FADE
Lying back on his bed, Nash's stomach heaved up and down slowly as he watched his television show transfixed with his hawk-like eyes. On screen a complex medical procedure was being performed, with Nash wrinkling his eyebrows ever so slightly at the great graphic detail of the surgery that was being performed. Nash's stomach growled as they removed a piece of the patient's gut, a symbolic reminder that Nash hadn't eaten a big enough dinner considering the amount of energy he'd burnt the night previously. Right at the critical moment of life or death in the operation, the feed cuts to advert breaks. Nash isn't amused, his eyebrows creased with frustration. He grits his teeth.
”And we'll be right back to Ether after a few messages from our sponsors...” announced the voiceover for the TV station as if only to mock The King of the Road. The Ether logo disappeared and was quickly replaced by a rather strange looking man in a multi pastel-coloured tracksuit in front of the world's cheapest set ever.
”HI! Are you fat?” the man announced, a massive grin on his face the size of The Great Wall of China. No punches were gonna' be pulled in this commercial, that much was apparent.
Eddie looked at himself, quickly tucking up his t-shirt to show his well-defined but not quite ripped abdomen. Six pack and all, Eddie simply nodded silently at the advert wanting to play along with the already irritating man in jogging pants that dominated his screen.
”Are you tired all the time?!” came the follow-up question from this increasingly irritating TV personality.
”Well, I can't argue with that one.” Eddie lamented, nodding his head knowing full well he wouldn't get responses from the screen. It was 11PM and it'd been an early start today so he was quite tired as it happened. Especially after fighting four other men for nearly three quarters of an hour.
”Are you tired of being a loser?” rang that especially patronizing tone now which was starting to cut a nerve with Nash but instead of getting angry he simply decided to mock the television with an equally patronizing and sarcastic tone.
”Most definitely. I can't handle life any more what with me not achieving any success as a wrestler..” Ed sulked, his bottom lip protruding as he pulled his shirt back down.
”Well then YOU should try my diet programme that promises to give you the kick in the ass you really need! Hi, I'm a jumped up personal fitness instructor that's getting paid double the minimum wage to sell my crap to you through informercials! I have been working for years on developing my fitness foods products to help you make the slimmer, healthier, sexier you. While you losers wasted away on degrees and high-rise fancy jobs I made the important discovery that taking acid makes you run faster! So, I come to you here today selling you my secret for a kings ransom so you can have a body like mine! At what cost? Probably the cost of an eye and a liver in a backalley operation with a completely unqualified Chinese doctor but meh, it's worth it to look like me right?” beamed this self-styled health guru, holding up a big stick of “Beef Jerkey”. Nash was chuckling now, this couldn't be serious could it? Could it?
”What? This has to be a joke...” Nash laughed in total disbelief, his eyes wide with amusement.
”So, I spent all my time working on a way combining your favourite snacks with copious amounts of barely legal chemicals and today I present to you to my fine line of fitness foods. Milkshakes, Cream Cakes, Beef Jerkey, Protein Powder, Gammon Steak, Hell, I might as well just sell you crack cocaine the stuff I've got in here! By paying extortionate sums of cash for my products you can have the results you want, WHEN you want. What's that I hear you ask? What products are they? These my friend are the Greg Lombardo F3 range of delicious sports snacks to get you running like my grandma's bowels!” spat the wonder jock with a disgusting simile to close it off. His eyebrows were unnaturally trimmed and his side-burns were mighty. This guy was a royal prick.
”These assholes are ALWAYS called Greg...” Eddie observed watching as now the camera panned out on the little close shot of Greg Lombardo and his products on a table. Now we could see a painfully thin blonde woman lying on the floor doing sit-ups just to get across the point that even with the best dieting products in the world you'll only be sexy and thin, or in the case of this girl, just thin if you put the work in.
”This over here is my lovely assistant who's been enjoying my protein product for about five years. Far from a fitness buff, this bitch was a prostitute I paid twenty dollars to blow a load in with no questions asked but she worked out who I was and threatened to sell her story unless I kept her around and gave her work to do. Not too bad though is she? For a dirty whore. Just goes to show fella's, even if you're fat and ugly there's some fine young women working the streets but if you look like me and you find a blackmailing bitch you might just get the services for free.” he beamed enthusiastically, a monumentally huge grin on his face. This guy simply had no off button.
”So Jenna... tell me... how has MY fitness schedule helped you to overcome your whorish obsession with f-” the narcissistic, borderline insane infomercial guru Lombardo began to ask but he was interrupted. Not in the show, but Nash's interest was drawn from Greg and directed at his ringing phone which was buzzing and shaking in his pocket while playing a dinky eight-bit tune.
”Hello?”
”Hey baby. It's me.” rang the sultry voice of lawyer Martha Harrison. He hadn't seen the cuckold since the time they'd had mad, passionate, biker/lawyer inter-social status sex some month ago.
”Oh... hey Martha. How's it going? I-, oh shit. I'm getting another call. It's from my boss. I need to take this. Can I call you back?” asked Ed, hoping she wouldn't try and seduce him over the phone.
”Sure sugar. Speak to you soon.” she agreed, putting an extra slow emphasis on the “sugar”. Nash hung up on Martha and quickly accepted the call from David James, one of KoP's road agents.
”Hello?”
”Hey Eddie it's Dave. First of all, congratulations on your big win. Beating Obscene the way you did and then overcoming Pitbull, Kid Flanagan, Eric Valor and obviously Johnny Noble the way you did is gonna' was onlt only awesome but is gonna' be a massive kick for DVD sales. Everyone loves a good underdog story and you overcame the odds to become number one contender so I got told by management to personally thank you for that.” thanked Dave warmly. He had a lot of admiration for Nash and it came across in his voice. Dave was a big fan and like many of Nash's fans was inspired by his never-say-die attitude.
”Thanks Dave. I want to thank Pride for helping me to turn my life around though. Without the help and support I'd be right back into the way I used to live my life. Shooting and polluting neighbourhoods, hurting people and just being an ass. I owe the life I lead now to Pride and to my fans. Really. I would be nowhere without Noble, Sterling and The Wolfpack.” said Nash back to Dave. Nash sat up on the edge of his bed now, an elbow on his knee as he listened intently to his road agent.
”Don't be so modest Nash. You carried the brunt of the weight in your successes and will do once again when you face off against Josh Eagles. I'm sure you appreciate the magnitude of the situation you're in.” explained Dave.
”Of course. I've lost lost twice in nearly twenty matches and have only been pinned once. Who by? By the man we call the Kingdom of Pride Valiant Champion, my opponent Mr. Josh Eagles. I'm fully aware of the gravity of the situation and I'm fully aware of my own personal axiom that I don't make the same mistakes twice. He will be my greatest opponent to date in a match of epic proportions. When there's no villain that the hero needs to defeat, the heroes fight each other for superiority. That is what it has come to with me and Eagles. My entire future hinges on my next confrontation with Eagles. So yes, I DO appreciate the gravity that my win at Survival of the Proud brings.”
”It's the big time for you Nash. You're a star, and the people want to see more of you. However, Pride management has decided given all the trials and tribulations you've been through to prove your worth to the Wolfpack and to the other non-believers it would be a shame if you were anything short of one hundred percent definite as the head honcho, the guy to beat in the Kingdom of Pride. No expense is being spared in ensuring that you're the ultimate contender.”
”But surely, the part where I won the Survival of the Proud match and became the number one contender is the part where I became the ultimate contender, right?”
”There's a difference between number one contender and the ultimate contender. One is simply a clause in your contract that says you're going to face the champion. An ultimate contender is quite simply the greatest challenge that the champion will ever face. We need to make sure that no stone is left unturned in establishing you as beyond shadow of a doubt the person who has taken every measurable step to ensure that they are truly the most deserving of the title shot.”
”Right... and how do you plan on doing that?”
”Well you've done most of the ground-work already. Your track record is outstanding, with a win and loss ratio of seven which alone screams contender. You've only truly been pinned once since you arrived here in Pride and that is of course by our humble champion. You're actually the number one contender which goes without saying given your amazing win at Survival of the Proud which only leaves you one more thing to do.”
”Oh, and that is?”
”Beat the last contender.”
”Right. I've already done that. Two weeks ago. Johnny Noble and Eddie Nash VS Jason Phoenix and Josh Eagles. I pinned him for the three count.”
”Nonono. Tag matches don't count. You need to prove that nothing can get in your way. That without distractions and flukes with stupid itty-bitty things like tag partners you can get the job done. You need to be focused and you need to dominate. That's why we're putting you one on one with Jason Phoenix this week. If you can beat him again, there will be absolutely no doubt in anyone's mind that you truly are the one person who deserves to face Josh Eagles and possibly even replace Josh Eagles as the top wrestler this company has.”
”I understand.”
”So will you face him?”
”I love competition. You didn't even need to ask. I'll drop the hammer right on Phoenix and show the world once again what I'm made of. No questions, no hesitations, no remorse, no distractions. I won't just show them what I'm made of, I'll prove just how tough I really am. Consider it booked.”
”Thanks man, you're awesome. Also, have you heard from Gemma since the split?”
”No. Why?”
”She seems mighty upset, is all.”
”Has she said anything?”
”No. She just seems really upset.”
”Well... listen, I gotta' go. I'm getting another call so I'll speak to you soon Dave.” said Eddie bidding his road agent farewell. He quickly redialled the number of Martha Harrison, curious as to what she wanted from him. His brow furrowed in puzzlement as he put the phone to his head once again.
”Hey honey. My husbands out of town for the next three days. How's about you get your sexy biker butt over to my house and we can have us a little fun?” cooed the sexy lawyer, sending shivers down Nash's spine. He could feel the desire dripping from her voice, causing the hairs on his skin to stand on edge.
”I'll be right over.” affirmed Eddie as he hung up the phone and picked up his keys. Throwing on his jacket with masterful casuality, he leapt onto his bike and roared off into the Tennessee sunshine down the long country roads from his new home in Cookeville all the way out to the large Knoxville home of Mortimer Harrison, the cities top personal injury lawyer.
It was there that Nash would proceed to relax and unwind and enjoy some time off from his rigorous training and hard work that was associated with his lifestyle as a professional wrestler. There were some perks to the job, that much was obvious and with Nash now officially on the right side of the law he was becoming more and more popular as a citizen. People in the street were recognizing him and The Sons of Anarchy who's reputation for violent crime was well documented were treated a lot better on the streets with Nash as their poster boy. This of course would continue and develop further with Nash's legitimisation. With his impending title match too his renown would only increase.
As Nash drove down the roads ready to commit the deadly sin of adding another set of digits to the cuckold lawyer's already beefy black book he began to ponder what other acts he could do to atone for his past. It was on the drive that the idea of a lifetime had struck him. More than just a stroke of genius, Nash had a bullet-proof plan to even the score with God and ensure that this bad ass in black could show the world his soft side and do some good. What was Nash's brilliant bright spark? Find out on this week's Oblivion, where Nash's masterminding shall all become apparent. Nash will defeat Jason Phoenix and prove to the world he deserves to be number one contender, that is a promise.
FADE
