Post by Better Than Johnny Noble on Jul 13, 2010 17:29:08 GMT -5
Sometimes there are just true greats in professional wrestling. Wherever they go. Whatever they do. However badly they are injured. They simply rule. They ooze awesomeness. They simply have that "it" factor. I mean just look at Kingdom of Pride at the moment and...DERE IS NO ONE!
But do not fear Prideites. For the KING of Pride....has just arrived.
!!!
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Our opening shot is of the "Mouth of Pride" Alex Avice standing in the parking lot.
But do not fear Prideites. For the KING of Pride....has just arrived.
!!!
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Our opening shot is of the "Mouth of Pride" Alex Avice standing in the parking lot.
Alex Avice: Wow. Today is such a big day for the world of wrestling because it sees the birth...or rather rebirth...of the Kingdom of Pride!
"The Maxx": WOO WOO WOO! YOU KNOW IT!
Alex Avice: Ahem, yes. You know it. And we are moments away from having one of the biggest stars in wrestling and KoP co owner Kurt Noble turn up for the first show! Can you believe it?! And I can guarantee that when he arrives I will be here to get his thoughts on Pride!
Avice continues to grin at the camera for about five seconds before his face drops. His stance changes and he turns away and snatches a coffee off one of the backstage personnel.
Alex Avice: I'm glad we got the intro out of the way. Means there's no pissing around when he turns up. How long's he gunna be?
Random fella #1: No idea, sahn. He said he was popping into tahn first. Maybe even popin' inta da pahb.
Alex Avice: Errr, ok?
Random fella #2: He means he has no fucking clue.
Alex Avice: Ah. That makes more sense.
Random fella #1: BOLLSHIT! OF COURSE I HAVE A FAHKIN CLUE, SAHN! SHUT UP OR I'LL DO YOU IN M8!
Random fella #2: ...
Random fella #1: Soz.
The camera decides to pan around the beautiful...car park...before deciding that the bickering is more interesting.
Random fella #3: Hey, who's that?!
The camera follows the pointing worker straight to...the parking lot the camera was just looking at! How the camera guy missed this odd character we'll never know. The small guy is standing there in amazement as he stares at the passing cars whiz by him. He is actually dangerously close to stepping out in front of one of them. Random fella #1 runs over to him.
Random fella #1: HOLD ON THERE, SAHN. DON'T WANT TO DO ANYTHIN' STUPID JUST YET!
The man with long hair and a "Delikado is a Caterpie" t-shirt (see below)
Turns around to face the blonde and much taller backstage worker.
Turns around to face the blonde and much taller backstage worker.
John Parker: Huh?
Random fella #2:He means don't jump.
John Parker: Huh?
Random fella #2:Forget about it.
Random fella #3: Hey, wait a minute. Aren't you John Parker? The guy who recently signed with Pride?
John Parker: Huh? I mean yes. YES!
John Parker stands and grins at the backstage workers who, after a moments hesitation, grab him and drag him towards Alex Avice.
Random fella #3: Alex!
Alex Avice: Yes?
Random fella #2:We've got you an interview.
Random fella #3: Yeah.
Random fella #1: It was my idea.
Alex Avice: Why would I want to interview a random fan on the day all the new wrestlers turn up?
Random fella #1: It was his idea!
Random fella #1 points to #2.
Random fella #2:Fuck off. It was your idea.
Random fella #1: Hey. Don't point your finger at me, sahn. I'll slash you.
Random fella #3: But he's not a random fan. He's a wrestler. He's John Parker!
Alex looks John up and down. Who merely poses.
Alex Avice: Errr. Yeah, John Parker...you're no Kurt Noble.
John Parker: My brother's called Kyle.
Alex Avice: Errr. Yeah. I'm not sure this is going to work.
Avice looks to the side at some of his backstage helpers for, well, help.
Random fella #3: It can't hurt. A quick interview which can be cut off if Kurt arives. Does that sound ok with you John?
John is more interested in the cars and just stares.
Random fella #3: See! It's fine.
Alex sighs.
Alex Avice: Fine. Let's get this going. Who's he against again?
Random fella #1: You don't know, sahn. That's your job! Better do it right or you'll be in the job centre in tahn!
Alex Avice: Shut up.
Random fella #1: Ok. Soz.
[Random fella #3: He's against...
#3, the one who seems to know what he's doing, reads off a sheet.
Random fella #3: Obscene.
Alex Avice: He's good.
Random fella #3: E. Nygma.
Alex Avice: He's good too.
Random fella #3: And Tommy Hargrove.
Alex Avice: He's good too. This guy doesn't stand a chance!
Perfect time for John to put them right, I know. But he's still fascinated by the cars. Alex Avice sighs before clicking his fingers in front of John's eyes to get his attention.
Alex Avice: John. John! JOHN!
John Parker: Huh?
Alex Avice: Finally. You never seen cars before or summin?
John Parker: No.
Alex Avice: ....
Random fella #1: ....
Random fella #2:....
Random fella #3: ....
John Parker: Well, yes. But just. Not driving on the wrong side of the road!
Alex Avice: What, you mean the right side?
John Parker: No. The WRONG side.
Alex Avice: I mean the right hand side? Haha.
John Parker: Oh. Yeah. I mean. That's messed up man. Well messed up.
Random fella #1: You're telling me sahn.
Alex Avice: Shut it Chris. This is an interview.
Chris: Oh shit. Soz.
John Parker: No problem Cockney.
John gives the now identified Chris a thumbs up and grin.
Alex Avice: But my information on you says you came from a Floridian family?
John Parker: Yeah. But they didn't want me. I got adopted by an English family. I've come to America to find my real family...through the medium of wrestling!
Alex Avice: Why not just call them?
John Parker: I don't have a phone.
Avice pulls out his.
Alex Avice: Here, take this.
John Parker: THE FBI'S SECRET WEAPON! AHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
John continues to scream and run around Alex with his arms waving wildly until Alex puts the phone away.
Alex Avice: Calm down man. It's only a phone.
John Parker: That's what they WANT you to think.
Alex Avice: Oooooo kayyyyyyy. So yeah. You're fascinated by the cars. But what about wrestling. You a big fan?
John Parker: I'm not a fan. I'm a wrestler. We've covered this, Avice. Keep up.
Alex Avice: Why you little...
John Parker: Yeah. My size is my big weakness.
Alex Avice: Huh?
John Parker: This is a wrestling interview, no?
Alex Avice: Yes.
John Parker: Well then. Ask me about my opponents.
Alex Avice: Well what do you think about your opponents?
John Parker: I know NOTHING about them.
John stands there and beams at Avice.
John Parker: I don't care about opponents. It's all about me. Cause I'm cool like that. In fact. I'm BAD.
Chris: He BAD.
Alex Avice: Shut it, Chris!
John Parker: But yeah. Dynamite comes in small packages bay-bay!
Random fella #2: I'm not sure that's what she said...
John Parker: Ima fuck these fellas up in my debut. Then I'll RULEEEEEEEE THE WORLDDDDDDDDDDDD! And be Bawse.
Alex Avice: If you say so.
Alex pauses. But suddenly thinks of something. An important loophole in this whole elaborate story.
Alex Avice: Actually. I've just thought of something. You were amazed by seeing the cars. Like it was for teh first time.
John Parker: Yeah.
Alex Avice: So how did you get to the arena?
Awkwardly a limo with the weird sainty thing Kurt creams himself over on the side pulls into view and the fans...all forty of the early birds...go mental. Alex's eyes suddenly widen and he is clearly desperate to get over to interview him.
John Parker: Hmmmmm. Good question.
Alex Avice: John.
John Parker: Yes?
Alex Avice: You know how you said you wouldn't mind me cutting this thing short?
John Parker: I said no such thing.
Alex Avice: .....oh. Well can you hurry up then?
John Parker: Sure. Well I didn't get driven here. Or drive. Because I can't drive. I failed my theory test. Five times. I came via Delicopter.
Alex Avice: Delicopter? As in...Delikado's?
John Parker: The one and only.
Alex Avice: Ah well cheers. I'll add an ending or summin later. Gotta run!
Avice turns and literally sprints towards where Kurt Noble is getting out and handing out autographs like the humble and noice fella he is. Suddenly said Delicopter makes lots of noise and thunders into view.
John Parker: Cheers for the lift Deli!
Delikado: No problem with Delikado. Enjoy Pride, my sweet walrus. Enjoy the company Delikado made!
Deli makes a low swooping motion with his Delicopter to steal Knoble's thunder and the gust he causes blows Avice backwards! Avice starts to roll rapidly way from Kurt as Deli flies away. Kurt can't cope with the wind either and seeks shelter inside.
Alex Avice: My interview. NOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Avice continues to roll out of view and across the street as the scene fades to black.