Tommy Hargrove feedback

[tommyhargrove]

Ok so I was wondering if anyone was willing to leave me some feedback on how they think i'm developing.

Not really asking for feedback of any particular rp although just a general view of how I'm doing. What I can improve on, what should I continue to do, what do you think of the relationship between Tommy and Nick?

Any feedback would be appriciated

Thank you
Gary

[Storm]

Looking at your works so far as a whole, I think the development with Tommy may be a bit off. I think you have a good idea with working Tommy up from being unfit and unsuccessful, but I kind of personally feel like you may be overdoing the "lovable loser" thing a bit too much.

For example, the way the virgin thing has been playing out - it seems more in tune for a comedy type character, but that's not how Tommy has been portrayed. I don't think that playing up his lack of success with ladies is a problem in and of itself and in fact I think its an interesting change from how most people write their characters, but going from him admitting he's a virgin to Nick trying to get him to hire a prostitute just seemed off.

As far as Nick and his dynamic with Tommy, I think its important but right now Nick comes off a bit two-dimensional to me in that all he does is rib Tommy and tell him to work out harder.

I think something that could help is to alter the formula of Nick trying to push Tommy and then putting him down each week - I'm not saying that type of promo is bad or whatever, but maybe just a bit more variance from RP-to-RP.

Hope this is what you were looking for.

[tommyhargrove]

I appriciate the feedback thank you.

The whole point of the Nick character is to be like that typical ahole from high school who puts everyone down no matter what they do. It's a ploy to make Nick feel better about himself. It's the reason why whenever Nick compliments Tommy he makes it a point to put him down later on.

I wrestled with myself about doing the rp where I had Nick try and get Tommy laid at the brothel, but figured when I ended it by having Tommy refuse to go inside it would cement home what I really want to get across, Tommy is a nice guy, with great morals.

I plan to introduce a love interest in the very near future which I think might help me come up with a few more original ideas and situations and allow me to add something different to my rp's

Anymore feedback would be appriciated, I'm still fairly new to this type of rping and anything anyone could offer will be of great usefulness.