Post by Better Than Johnny Noble on Jul 31, 2010 18:58:42 GMT -5
Anyone who's anyone in the wrestling business has had an undefeated streak. Kurt Noble, Tic Tic, Lesomebody, Kurt Noble, Jerry McClean, Kurt Noble, The Admiral, Kurt Noble, Christian Kane, Kurt Noble (know your audience 
). And now the newest man with one is JOHN PARKERRRRRRRRRRRR!
And it's a streak no mexicool's gunna take away from him.
!!!
"""
£££
$$$
%%%
^^^
&&&
***
(((
)))
___
+++
===
---
¬¬¬
```
The scene opens up with John Parker wearing a shirt. And an awesome one at that.
It's a shirt that SWC refuses to let John wear around him. But that's another story for another time. Hell, the shirt is even irrelevant right now. Because John is trying desperately to push Jimmy and Chris out of their locker room and into the corridor.
). And now the newest man with one is JOHN PARKERRRRRRRRRRRR!And it's a streak no mexicool's gunna take away from him.
!!!
"""
£££
$$$
%%%
^^^
&&&
***
(((
)))
___
+++
===
---
¬¬¬
```
The scene opens up with John Parker wearing a shirt. And an awesome one at that.
It's a shirt that SWC refuses to let John wear around him. But that's another story for another time. Hell, the shirt is even irrelevant right now. Because John is trying desperately to push Jimmy and Chris out of their locker room and into the corridor.
John Parker: Why won't you budge?!
Jimmy: You a cunt.
Chris: FFFFFFFFFFFFFF-
John Parker: For fucks sake. You guys are supposed to work here!
Jimmy: And?
John Parker: You never do anything!
Chris: You got a problem with that, sahn?
"Kurt Noble" runs in angrily and points straight at Chris. He ignores Jimmy totally. Favouritism? WE WON'T SAY ANYTHING IF YOU WON'T.
"Kurt Noble": DO SOME WORK!
"Kurt Noble" runs off again. We know he's fake cause he's able to run. The real one can't right now. He too beat up. ROFLMAO! (I sowwy Kyle >_>)
John Parker: See! Big bossman wants you to actually do something for your pay.
Chris: But I don't wanna!
John Parker: Tough! Don't make him beat you up! He'll do it!
Chris: Meh. Jerry McClean did him in. He aint worth my time m8.
John Parker: Oh.................good point.
Jimmy: Jerry McClean's a cunt.
John Parker: Another very valid observation. But! What about Johnny Noble! Kurt can get his brother on you!
Chris: Johnny Noble? ROFL! LOL! LOLOLOLOL! LMAO! ROFLMAO! ROFLMFAO! XDXDXD! XD! XfnD!
The tumbleweed seen in previous weeks does its thing. Chris glances sideways. A bit like; >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< .
John Parker: ............why are you saying all that?
Jimmy: Yeah you stupid prick.
Chris: WOT?! I JUST READ THE SCRIPT M8!
John Parker: I think they were actions you needed to do.
Chris: BOLLSHIT! I aint no Mexicool. I know how to read, sahn.
Chris pulls out a thick sheet of paper and a monocle. Poor lad can only afford one lens. He reads frantically.
Chris: O.......whadya know. You were right. Heh.
Hey! This thing says we're supposed to be playing football this week!
John Parker: Change of plans.
Chris: Why?
John Parker: Bob had a wedding to go to.
Jimmy: What a dick.
Chris: Gay wedding if he's involved. M I RITE?
Chris and John high five. Because John didn't want to leave his retarded cockney mate hanging.
Chris: But this says that you need to get match relevance in too, sahn. And shit about an undefeated streak.
Chris puts the script away.
Chris: You're undefeated?
John Parker: Of course I am! I won a four way elimination and a tag team match!
Chris: CALM DOWN SAHN! I WAS ONLY FAHKIN ASKING!
Jimmy: That tag match was just down to Hart, dick. He took those two guys oot.
John Parker: Bollshit!
Chris: Hey, that's my line, sahn!
John Parker: Get over it. I'd have won last weak easy peasy lemon squeezy. I'd have taken out both Mexicools on my own with eight fingers and a toe tied behind my back with strawberry pencils!
That is, unless it was my bad toe. But that's besides the point.
Chris: Hold on a minute, m8. You aint won a singles match yet.
John Parker: Pfft, so what?
Jimmy: He means so you've only taken advantage of people when they're not 100% focused on you you stupid clown.
John Parker: Pfft. I am undefeated! I took the undefeated club and I jazzed it up!
Chris: But this isn't even a singles match, John. The other Taco Bell worker's gunna be on the outside ready to slash you like dahn tahn Lahndahn. They'll double team you and do u in m8.
John Parker: But I've got backup from my tag team partner, too!
John motions behind him to...Snoop Dogg.
Snoop Dog: Greetings loved ones. Lets take a journey.
John Parker: Hold that thought.
John turns back to Jimmy and Chris with a grin.
Jimmy: I thought you were teaming with
John Parker: Yeah but he's still a bit lukewarm on the teaming. I'll win him round soon though
John Parker winks. Oh, I already did that. Well he only does it once. He doesn't have anything wrong with his eye. HE AINT NO FREAK!
John Parker: But anyway. Back to you two actually doing some work. If you're not afraid of Johnny Noble how about...
Chris: Fahk awf sahn. No1's gunna get me 2 work.
Chris sees Delikado leaning against the wall.
Chris: Let's get cracking, m8. What's the hold up!
John Parker: Then away those Corsas go!
Chris: .....WOT? Ure fahkin stupid m8.
Delikado: Delikado would like to take this opportunity to say...Shut your nazi mouff and get moving!
Chris: I'm movin, I'm movin!
Delikado: And you, big guy.
Jimmy: *under his breath* Cunt.
John and Deli high five as the unlikely trio exit the room. Delikado stands around a bit and looks at Snoop Dogg for a moment before shuddering and stepping outside.
Outside he decides to make a Deli exit. What's one of those you say?
Outside he decides to make a Deli exit. What's one of those you say?
Chris: So where are we going then m8?
Jimmy: Yeah, cunt. You never even told us.
John Parker: To get you some work.
Chris: For a promo?
Jimmy: Whose?
Chris: They better not be fahkin pricks, sahn. I don't deal with dicks.
Jimmy: They're all cunts 'round here.
John Parker: It's for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
John gives a Cheshire cat-esque grin and thumbs up.
Chris: WOT? You never do promos.
John Parker: DO TOO!
Chris: DO NOT!
John Parker: DO TOO!
Chris: DO NOT!
John Parker: DO TOO!
Chris: DO NOT!
John Parker: DO TOO!
Chris: DO NOT!
Jimmy slaps them both.
John Parker: Ah, thanks.
Chris: Yeah, mah bahd sahn.
John Parker: So yeah. Why don't you two do your thing and set me up with some promo tyme?!
Chris: ...adding a y don't make u hard m8. I should know. It's all about adding h's, sahn. You get me?
John Parker: Whatever. Just set up my promo.
=========
PROMO TYME:
=========
John stares at the camera trying to look hard.
Yeah. He's doing a good job I'm sure you'll all agree. He takes a brief breath before launching himself straight into it.
PROMO TYME:
=========
John stares at the camera trying to look hard.
Yeah. He's doing a good job I'm sure you'll all agree. He takes a brief breath before launching himself straight into it.
John Parker: MEXICOOLS YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD ATTACK ME AND GET AWAY WITH IT. NO ONE DOES THAT. NOT EVEN MY BROTHER. OR DOG. OR HAMSTER. OR DELIKADO!
I SAID IT. NOT EVEN DELIKADO!
SO BOTH COME TO THE RING I DON'T CARE. I'M THE UNDEFEATED J D P AND I FUCKING RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULE. I'VE WON WRESTLING MATCHES, CHECKERS, BOWLING, LAZER QUEST, ROCK PAPER SCISSORS, FIFA, EASY MAC EATING CONTESTS, FISHING, RACING, MEXICAN DEPORTATION, SHIT RACES, GOLF, FISHTICUFFS, MONOPOLY AND I COULD GO ON. YOU NAME IT. I'VE WON IT. NOW YOU GET ADDED TO MY UNDEFEATED STREAK. WOOOOOOO!
BECAUSE IT'S ME...IT'S ME...IT'S
J...D...P!
John poses as, off camera, Chris is telling him he's ok to keep going with a hand motion.
John Parker: Oh, I'm done. I said it all.
Chris: WOT?
Jimmy: You spent all that time getting us down here for that? Douche!
John Parker: Hey, it was a classic! More than the Mexicools'll muster when they finish mowing the lawn.
Chris: And what was with all the shouting, sahn? You were worse than me when I see an unconscious girl! Cause I’m all like “WOAH THERE PRETTY LADY, IF YOU PASS OUT IT’S ALL FAIR GAME”. First I start with a cheeky grope. Then I make sure we move to more private spots. Normally a soundproofed van I drive around in. And then it’s time to take their clothes off. And mine. And then—
John Parker: STOP!
Chris: WOT?
John Parker: THAT’S ENOUGH OF YOUR SICK, DELUDED FANTASIES!
Jimmy: Yeah man. That’s sick.
Chris: Says the man who wants to fahk his sister...
Jimmy: SHUT UP YOU PRICK.
John Parker: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway. Coming back to me. That's how you do a wrestling promo, aint it? Shout and shit?
Chris and Jimmy sigh.
Jimmy: Whatever. Let's get back to the locker room before we have to do more work.
Fin. That means 'fade to black' to you, Mr.
