Post by Better Than Johnny Noble on Jul 24, 2010 10:17:24 GMT -5
For years, like, the best peeps get attacked. Just look at Tic Tic he's always--ok, bad example. Jerry, eh, I guess kinda. Deli...a tiny bit. Jack, barely ever. Flapman...shit, I'm digging myself a hole here.
Fine then, some of the best faces have always got attacked by bitter gays. Look at poor ickle KoP co-owner Knoble. He has no friends cause they all got beat up. Sad times.
Well the jerks in KoP are no different! Everyone has been jealous of John Parker ever since he walked into the building! Why? Cause he's awesome perhaps. Maybe because his brother runs the fed. Hell, it might even be because he makes friends easily. But now he is going to get the last laugh!
ROFL
See. And why? CAUSE CHRIS HART IS HIS TAG TEAM PARTNER!
!!!
"""
£££
$$$
%%%
^^^
&&&
***
(((
)))
___
+++
===
---
¬¬¬
```
The scene opens with John casually lying in a hammock he's set up in the backstage staff's locker room. Inside Chris and Bob are playing (se)Xbox. Random backstage fella #4 walks in. He heads over to John who has commandeered 'his' corner of the room
Fine then, some of the best faces have always got attacked by bitter gays. Look at poor ickle KoP co-owner Knoble. He has no friends cause they all got beat up. Sad times.
Well the jerks in KoP are no different! Everyone has been jealous of John Parker ever since he walked into the building! Why? Cause he's awesome perhaps. Maybe because his brother runs the fed. Hell, it might even be because he makes friends easily. But now he is going to get the last laugh!
ROFL
See. And why? CAUSE CHRIS HART IS HIS TAG TEAM PARTNER!
!!!
"""
£££
$$$
%%%
^^^
&&&
***
(((
)))
___
+++
===
---
¬¬¬
```
The scene opens with John casually lying in a hammock he's set up in the backstage staff's locker room. Inside Chris and Bob are playing (se)Xbox. Random backstage fella #4 walks in. He heads over to John who has commandeered 'his' corner of the room
Random backstage fella #4: Oi, Dick! Get the fuck oot of my corner, eh!
John glances up from his book 'How to deal with real douchebags'. He smiles at #4.
John Parker: Oh, hi there...
John trails off before looking at the book.
John Parker: ...does being a douche make you feel big about yourself?
#4 just stares at John. He stands at like 6'6" as it is.
John Parker: Does it, huh, punk?
John gives the on looking Chris and Bob a thumbs up. They've paused there game because they want to see this.
Random backstage fella #4: Does stealing my fucking colour make you feel better about yourself, cunt?
John Parker:...wut.
Random backstage fella #4: Pink is my colour.
John Parker: But...but it suits my eyes!
Random backstage fella #4: HAVE YOU SEEN WHAT COLOUR YOU LEFT ME WITH YOU FUCKING CUNT?! HUH?! HUH?! I AM NOW GREY. GREY! I AM NOT DULL AND BORING! GIVE ME MY COLOUR BACK!
Chris: Calm down, sahn.
Bob: Yeah Jimmy. It's only a colour.
Jimmy: RAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Jimmy darts at John who backs up to the far side of his hammock causing him to fall out. Jimmy cannot stop coming through and charges into the wall! He puts his head through the wall and struggles violently to get it out. John rubs the back of his head with a grin on his face like he did that on purpose.
John Parker: You're not gunna mess with me again anytime soon, punk.
John brushes his hands together before jumping onto the sofa in between Chris, who has clearly recovered from his 'bag incident' last week (although his hand is bandaged from cutting himself), and Bob.
Bob: Shouldn't you be talking to Hart about your match or summin?
Chris: Yeah m8. You need to get your heads together and sort some shit aht like double team moves. Double flips and shit. Los Sexys are gunna be tough. I mean they have Christian Kane.
Bob: Errr, no they don't.
Chris: BOLLSHIT! THEY CALL THEMSELVES SEXY AND DON'T HAVE THAT SEXY BEAST!?!?!? I mean, oh. >_> But yeah, they're an actual team. So they'll work better than you two together. You need to maximize your time together sahn. Preparation, preparation, preparation. The way of champions m8.
John Parker:...
Bob:...
Chris: WOT?
John Parker: Well...That actually made sense.
Bob: Yeah. You actually know your wrestling stuff.
Chris: Course I fahkin do sahn. I had wrestling lessons when I was a kid!
Bob: Cool, how many?
Chris: Erm, I can't remember
.John Parker: Huh? Surely you can give an estimate.
Chris: I really can't remember m8. It was a long time ago, back in lahndahn.
Bob: Come on Chris. How many did you have? Probably more than John.
John Parker: Hey!
Chris: I HAD A 15 MINUTE LESSON OK. THE FAT FUCK INJURED ME! I WAS ON PAINKILLERS FOR WEEKS AND WEEKS! HE BOTCHED A FUCKING BODYSLAM!
Tumbleweed rolls by as John and Bob stare and Chris for a moment before, both of them, falling off the sofa and start rolling around on the floor laughing.
John Parker: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Bob: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Chris: SHUT UP! IT WAS FAHKIN BOLLSHIT!
John Parker: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Bob: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Chris folds his arms, annoyed.
Chris: At least I got my fahkin money back.
John sits up, still chuckling.
John Parker: Of all moves, a body slam!
Chris: IT WAS THE STUPID FAT FUCKS FAULT, NOT MINE!
John Parker: Man. Good job you didn't turn up for the next lesson. You'd have been injured by a small package.
Bob sits up too.
Bob: Well, Chris has always had a problem with a small package.
John and Bob go flying backwards again.
John Parker: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Bob: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Chris: SHUT UP! I'LL FAHKIN SLASH YOU! BOTH OF YOU! I'LL DO YOU FUCKERS IN LAHNDAHN STYLE!
John and Bob get up, but are still laughing. John holds up his hand apologetically but the line from Bob, everything from timing to content to deliver was perfect.
John Parker: I'm sorry, Chris. I'm sorry. Haha. I'll-I'll go and find Hart at some point. Haha.
Bob and John let out some more laughter until a buzzing sound is heard.
John Parker: HOLY FREEDOM FRIES!
John jumps to his feet and pulls some fly spray out of....somewhere. He starts to chase the fly around trying to get it. The chasing wasn't working so he slows down to a stealth tactic. He waits for it to be in range before spraying wildly.
John Parker: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
What he's done is just spray Bob in the eyes!
John Parker: SHIT! My bad.
John bends down to get some water to help Bob's burning eyes and the fly settles on his foot.
Chris: I'VE GOT U NOW SAHN!
Chris stamps...hard. John yelps and pulls his foot up rapidly.
John Parker: MY INGROWN TOENAIL! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As he pulls his leg up he also jumps in the air, and knees Chris just under the chin! Chris goes flying backwards as Jimmy just gets his head out of the wall. But Chris bashes him in the back and he is sent flying back to the predicament he was just in.
Chris Hart: Are you injuring my tag team partner?
John looks up to see Chris Hart standing in the doorway. Bob looks in that direction but, of course, he can't see.
Bob: Is that Noble's Sidekick?
Chris Hart: I AM NO--
John Parker: Shush, Chrissy boy. My toe hurts but I got my own back.
John motions to Chris who is KOed on the floor and the big lad, Jimmy, who has his head stuck in the wall.
Chris Hart: What did this fella do wrong?
Hart steps towards Jimmy to pull him out.
John Parker: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hart stops dead.
Chris Hart: What's wrong with getting him oot?
Jimmy:Nothing, get me oot!
John Parker: You can't touch. You should have seen what happened when Bob touched Robbie Venom. Shit went straaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaange man.
Chris Hart: What are you talking about?
A load of smoke enters the room and everyone starts to cough. Did Hart touch Jimmy whilst we weren't looking?
John Parker: *cough* Someone *cough* Open the door. *cough*.
Hart does so and the smoke goes away, Delikado is suddenly in the room standing between Jimmy and Hart.
Delikado: JDP speaks to truth my PWF alumni amigo. You stick to being Noble's Douchebag Partner forward slash his bitch and I'll stick to swanning around saving people.
John Parker: Don't!
But it's too late. Deli pulls Jimmy out. Jimmy looks around for John before charging. In an instant, though, Jimmy is KOed with a Last Call for Cuba. Or whatever Deli's finisher is. You know, the kicky one. Superkick. The move that EVERYONE has 
.
.Chris Hart: What are you even doing here?
John Parker: I invited him here.
Bob has now washed his eyes out and is positioning Jimmy and Chris' bodies in positions we'll simply describe as....Travis: Gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. He takes pictures on his phone whilst the grown ups speak.
Chris Hart: Why? You didn't invite me here. And we’re teaming.
The camera focuses in on John's face.
John Parker: Or did I?!
It zooms out again.
Chris Hart: No. You didn't. You definitely didn't.
John Parker: Meh, I thought that we needed to split up the tag team responsibilities for this week.
Chris Hart: Sensible. Go on.
John Parker: Well how about, you do the wrestling, and I'll sort out the team name?
Chris Hart: Errr.
John Parker: Brilliant! Sorted. But first, we need to be christened by Delikado.
John knees down in front of Deli and drags Hart down with him by his arm.
Delikado: Delikado, in his capacity as Pro Wrestling Everything Champion of the Universe (and I'm the longest reigning at that btw), christens you two as fit for tag teaming in the promotion Delikado made. And I christen you...Team Douche!
John Parker: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
John jumps to his feet and punches the air...No, Cris. We'll save that gag for later. He high fives Deli before offering one to Hart and being left hanging.
John Parker: Come on American.
Chris Hart: I'm Canadian.
John Parker: Not what the Mexicools said.
Chris Hart: Los Sexys corrected themselves.
John Parker: Huh?
Chris Hart: You stopped watching didn't you.
John Parker: Well they got my nationality right...
Chris Hart: They changed their mind on that too. Said you were British.
John Parker: ROFL! I'm American.
Chris Hart: Did you...did you just say 'ROFL'?
Delikado: Delikado allows it.
John Parker: See, Delikado allows it.
Chris Hart: Well I guess that makes it ok then
Delikado: You doubting the might of Delikado?
Chris Hart: No. Never
John Parker: What's wrong with your eyes?
Chris Hart: Nothing
John Parker: I guess they'll allow you to see more attacks as they move around so much. But yeah, let's go! We have stuff to discuss!
John grabs Hart's arm and rushes out of the room, leaving Delikado on his own. He shrugs and looks around for a bit before seeing Bob still taking stupid pictures and chuckling. Deli grins before giving him a Last Call to Cuba.
END OF SCENE! ;D
END OF SCENE! ;D
