Post by Better Than Johnny Noble on Aug 7, 2010 18:48:14 GMT -5
Chris Strike. Brazilian. Chris Hart. Canadian. Both have converged on America and the Kingdom of Pride more specifically. And they come up against SWC and JDP. The tag team forced together by management and only one common bond; the style of their contract. But if there's one thing you should know about John Parker, that you probably don't yet, it's that he HATES foreigners.
!!!
"""
£££
$$$
%%%
^^^
&&&
***
(((
)))
___
+++
===
---
¬¬¬
```
Our scene opens up just outside the new SWC and JDP co-locker room! Strangely it has a letter box in it and across the door is splattered "Team Outcast Awesome Edition". Inside, though, things aren't so rosy. John has had practically everything dyed pink.
!!!
"""
£££
$$$
%%%
^^^
&&&
***
(((
)))
___
+++
===
---
¬¬¬
```
Our scene opens up just outside the new SWC and JDP co-locker room! Strangely it has a letter box in it and across the door is splattered "Team Outcast Awesome Edition". Inside, though, things aren't so rosy. John has had practically everything dyed pink.
SWC: Why is everything pink?
John Parker: Because only real men can pull off pink.
SWC: But why is the whole room pink?
John smiles at his partner's bemusement at the colour scheme chosen. Oh, and the choice of blowup sofas instead of real ones.
John Parker: Look, we need something to help us stand out together. Something to make management go "Oh sheeeeeet. We want these fellas not some baby faced Canadian and his Brazilian fuck buddy".
SWC: We don't need anything like this to stand out!
John Parker: Woah, calm down there 'Fortunate One'. Look at all the great teams of today. The Dicks in WWE. Made their name off spraying each other with stuff and rubbing each other. We need something like that to make us awesome! We need a collective gimmick!
SWC: No gimmicks!
John Parker: But...but...but the turtle!
SWC: You're not getting me with that one again!
SWC glares at his partner who seems upset SWC didn't fall for it for the second time in the past couple of days. SWC glances up at the ceiling to see if there's anything there suspiciously. But there's no sign of a giant turtle.
SWC: Why can't our gimmick just be that we're awesome wrestlers who simply out wrestle our opponents whether they're Valiant Champions or Wrestling World Cup winners?
John grins as he opens his arms out. His clear answer is "me".
SWC: Oh. Good point. That can at least still be my gimmick!
John Parker: But we need a collective gimmick!
SWC: The collective?
John Parker: No, don't be stupid. We need something awesome. Why don't we go about and defeat super heroes?
SWC: Flap Flanagan's beaten you to that one. Let's stick to wrestling.
John Parker: What about we pick up hot chicks from the crowd and dance with them?
SWC: That's been done by the Heart Throbs. Or as I like to call them "Two Complete Twats". Like I said before, let's stick to wrestling.
John Parker: Hmmmm. What about the "Fortunate Duo"?! Because you're fortunate to be teaming with me and I'm fortunate to be me!
John grins at SWC who shakes his head and facepalms.
SWC: I tell you what. We go out there. And our gimmick can be "we beat you up if your name is Chris". And then if we face Los Sexys next week our gimmick can be "we beat you up if you're Mexican". That sound ok with you, pinky?
John strokes his imaginary stubble (like JDP could grow a beard. roflmao) as he thinks.
John Parker: Hmmmmm. I guess that'll do for now. But over the next week we'll pick some times to brainstorm for eye catching gimmicks.
SWC shakes his head. There's no winning with this kid. He drops down onto the pink blow up sofa as there is a knock on the door.
John Parker: I'LL GET IT!
John skips, you read that right, skips to the door. A very special door I might add. And he looks through the peep hole at the top.
SWC: Who is it?
John Parker: Some woman in a burka.
John drops down to his knees and pokes the letterbox open.
John Parker: Hello.
The woman is confused.
John Parker: Down here.
Burka Bitch: Oh, there you are. I was wondering if you wanted kebab.
John Parker: What? You're here to plant a bomb aren't you!
Burka Bitch: What?! No! No! I no terrorist!
John Parker: Don't you lie to me! You can hide behind that bin bag but we all know the truth!
SWC has heard enough. He pulls his smaller partner away from the door and sends him flying across the room. He opens the door fully and smiles at the woman. He hopes he's not going to have to clean up after his partner in the ring as well as outside of it.
SWC: I'm sorry about my...immature...associate. But I'm afraid we won't be needing any kebabs. We've got a main event to prepare for.
SWC closes the door to find John eating a kebab. Crafty bugger must have stolen it. He suddenly spits it everywhere and grabs a bottle of water and downs it. SWC watches on with a very confused face.
John Parker: Too much chilli sauce >_>
SWC: Why the hell did you behave like that?
John Parker: Like what?
SWC: Saying she was planting a bomb!
John Parker: I bet you she fahkin was!
SWC: 'Fahkin'? You're spending too much time with that cockney bugger who works around here.
John Parker: IT DA TRUFF!
SWC: And what about that with just talking to her through the letter box?
John Parker: I wanted her to know how it feels!
SWC: What?
John Parker: To only see the eyes of the person you're talking to!
SWC: ............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
John Parker: Wut? >_>
SWC: That is so racist. You do know we're against two other foreigners this week, right?
John Parker: Yeah, and?
SWC: Foreigners stick together in foreign lands so they could see that as you disrespecting them as much as disrespecting that poor lady! They could come after you like Christian Kane chases after underage strippers!
John Parker: Nah they won't. They're not Arab cunts. Or pakis. At least they're still white. Wait, Strike isn't one of those nigga Brazilians is he?
SWC stares at his young partner bemused. Sure, SWC's argument didn't make much sense, but he was just trying to motivate his partner to focus on his opponents for once in a blu(e) moon. All he's done is exposed John Parker's massive xenophobia.
SWC: I can't believe what you just said.
John Parker: What? It's true. Bin bag lady'll be planting a bomb as we speak whilst Chris Strike will be using his electricity skills to try and bring light to his local favela. Meanwhile Chris Hart'll be fucking his sister somewhere.
SWC: That's the stereotype you have of Canadians?
John Parker: No. Just of Chris Hart. I teamed with him, remember. I know what he's like.
SWC shakes his head. He's had enough of trying to change John's view. It's probably too late for it to make a dramatic difference to the main event anyway. He turns to his kitbag and pulls out his now bright pink wrestling trunks.
SWC: JOHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fade out.
Well, kinda a lie. We cut to the woman from earlier planting a bomb underneath Kurt Noble's chair.
Well, kinda a lie. We cut to the woman from earlier planting a bomb underneath Kurt Noble's chair.
Burka Bitch: I will show these stupid Americans.
Fade out 4 real.
