You Got Some Stuff There

[Delikado/J-Noble]

You Got Some Stuff There

Cookeville Community Center
1:07 PM

The scene opens in the backstage area of the Community Center with Johnny Noble walking along at a casually normal pace. Wearing a dark blue sports jacket and dress shirt, Noble looks at ease as of right now and in no rush to be anywhere. However, as he walks past one of the men’s restrooms, he hears the loud coughing and sloshing fit of a sound going on behind the door. Johnny stops and turns his head toward the door, pushing it open and looking into the average restroom only to be met with the sound of someone vomiting in one of the stalls. He walks in, looking over at the stalls before turning his head back toward the large mirror. Johnny takes a few moments to examine himself, rubbing his the facial hair on his chin. He exhales slowly as the person in the stall continues to puke their guts out into the toilet. Suddenly, the voice from the stall mutters something that is just loud enough for Johnny to recognize who this individual is.

Ray: Son of a bitch. Mother f…

Ray can be heard coughing and barfing into the toilet yet again. Johnny can’t help but grin with a sense of satisfaction as he turns toward the particular stall that Ray is cooped up in.

Johnny: Ray?

The restroom becomes silent for a few moments before Ray sniffs loudly behind the door and coughs.

Ray: What the hell do you want, Johnny? I ain’t exactly in the mood to deal with you right now, okay? Oh God…

Ray goes back to barfing as Johnny continues to smile and bite his tongue to keep himself under control. After a few seconds of this, Ray stops and can be heard breathing heavily after this last one.

Ray: For the love of God, what the hell is in the food these people eat?!

Johnny casually goes back to examining his appearance in the mirror as he responds with a cheeky grin. It’s clear Mr. Noble is enjoying every second of this, however ill Ray may actually be.

Johnny: Gee, I dunno, Ray. Could be a lot of things. Could be all the gravy people around here pour on their food, it could be some kind of spices, hell, it could be the roadkill.

It’s as if that last thought forced Ray to find a whole new layer of himself to spit out, as he coughs and pukes with an extra effort this time. Johnny chuckles loudly enough for himself to hear but not Ray. Of course, it isn’t like Ray is listening all that much anyway…

Johnny: Yeah, it might be that. Some skunk walking across the street, gets run down by a car. Next thing you know, some restaurant owner walks by and sees the meat’s still fresh. Next thing you know, he’s used a shovel to pull it off the heated pavement and he’s squished it up into something he pours in your soup and uses what’s left in your “special” steak.

Ray heard that, and his stomach did NOT enjoy it.

Ray: Holy-*pukes*…Jesus-*cough/pukes*

Johnny: Did you know they actually put possum in a can here?

Ray: *pukes* Shut the hell up, Johnny!

Johnny chuckles a bit longer before turning back to the stall. He checks his iPhone briefly and then refocuses on Ray. From the sound of things, he may have calmed down just a little in there.

Ray: Gaaaah…I need some real food! Some Cavatelli di Ricotta, ya know? A nice Italian meal. Not this inbred hillbilly crap!

Johnny rolls his eyes, not feeling any sympathy for the young and smug intern who has treated him like a bitch since he got here.

Ray: Ugh…but you know what, now that you’re here, I may as well fill you in on what’s transpired since your Canadian ass got lucky and squeezed by Storm last week.

Johnny: “Squeezed by?”

Ray: Yeah, you deaf moron. You trying to say that was an impressive win last week? I’ve seen better fights on that Jerry Springer Show!

Ray is back in the swing of insults, it would seem. If Johnny were a worse kind of person, he’d go in there right now and give that asshole a swirly he’d NEVER forget. Johnny folds his arms and shakes his head, instead choosing to just let that desire go…this time.

Johnny: Well, you wanna offer any advice, you just let me know, Raymond. Please.

Ray spits into the toilet as his answer-before-the-answer.

Ray: Eh, why bother? You’re such a dumb ape, it’d go over your head anyway. Anyway, after last week, I saw that you’ve begun to stop forcing me to hold your hand every step of the way around here. Turns out you’re mingling with the other steroid monkeys.

Johnny: What the hell are you talking about?

Ray: That guy, Justin Kaard that you made friends with last week.

Johnny cocks an eyebrow of confusion, his mind not ringing any bells for the name. However, once he remembers his actions of last week, it becomes a whole different story.

Johnny: Right, that guy…

Ray: That’s right, that chump you tossed an ice pack at. You know what else? He came by later on after that little incident and demanded a match with you from Mr. Noble. Of course, seeing as I’m your advisor, I relieved your brother of having to deal with you and took control of the situation.

Johnny: You’re all heart.

Ray: I’m Santa Claus to you, Johnny. Freaking Saint Nick of your entire life and career here in Pride. I look out for your best interest.

Johnny: And your own.

Ray: Hey, it is what it is. So anyway, when Justin Kaard came by and explained the situation between you two, I decided it was best if you both dealt with things like gentlemen…well…apes…that you are. So I booked the match.

Johnny inhales, mentally evaluating what he should probably do now that he’s on the card, and casually stretches.

Johnny: So it’s Justin Kaard and me? That’s fine. I can live with that-

Ray: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Jonathan, that ain’t it. I got you a match with Kaard, yes, but I also decided to book the match with someone else in it as well.

Johnny’s head snaps toward the toilet and his eyes widen slightly in surprise.

Johnny: You’re putting me in a handicap match?!

Ray: I wish, err, I mean, no. No, I’m not. It’s a triple threat, so relax, muscles. Don’t have a mini rage fit like last week.

Johnny crosses his arms and angrily shakes his head.

Johnny: Who else then?

Ray: Hmm, lemme see here…ah, P.K. Jacob-Sterling.

Johnny: Who?

Ray: He’s some new talent in the company. Young guy with nothing to show for in his sad and pathetic life who’s hoping to start over here and erase his entire previous bastardization of an existence in this fine sport of ours. You know something, he kinda reminds me of you, Johnny.

Johnny’s eyebrows wriggle as the thought of shoving Ray’s head into the toilet and in his own vomit returns. But…for the sake of time, it’ll just have to wait. Instead, he’ll just push Ray further for information on this particular week.

Johnny: So, not to completely question your ability to book matches, Ray, but I’m interested in what motivated you to book me in a match with one guy who demanded the contest…and then someone completely random.

Ray sniffs and sighs with exhaustion as the toilet flushes and the sound of water swishing is heard for a few moments before the intern exits the stall in a wrinkled suit. He clears his throat and stares at Johnny with reddened eyes.

Ray: “Random?” Is that what you said my decision was?

Johnny gives a sarcastic shrugs of the shoulders, prompting a smug laugh from Ray. He slowly walks past Johnny toward the sinks and turns one of them on, splashing his face before responding to Johnny’s regarding of his match making.

Ray: Well, I can’t say I expected you to understand, Johnny. Maybe if I draw a picture, you’d get it, eh?

He looks over his shoulder at Johnny, who looks back at him with a plain face.

Ray: Nonetheless, the match ain’t random. You bastards are all looking for a slice of the pie here, I just wanna see which one of you wants it more. It’s called “effective managing.” You might realize that’s what it is if you weren’t picking fights with everyone you meet and mooching off everyone else that you already know.

Johnny: Thanks, Ray.

Ray can’t help but laugh at Johnny’s highly sarcastic tone. He splashes some more water on his face and washes his hands in the cool water as he speaks.

Ray: Heh, don’t mention it. So yeah, the way I figure it, I can test out this other kid and see if he’s a worthy investment for your brother’s company, and I can let two assholes solve their little problem like a couple of brauds. That’s you and Kaard in case you missed it.

Johnny: Appreciate the help. I never had much of a “thang” for all that learnin’ and figurin’ out stuff myself.

Ray: You also never had much of a thing for keeping things under control when I ask you to. Even something simple like with that janitor last week, Marty.

Johnny rolls his eyes at the mention of the janitor he was forced to deal with last week when the lazy man refused to go back to work.

Johnny: What’re you talking about now?

Ray: He still ain’t working, apparently. I got a call yesterday from the Head Custodian or whatever. That dumb janitor actually fell and broke his arm! But knowing the lazy bastard’s nature, as I’ve learned about from simply watching you these past few weeks, he probably just threw himself down the stairs to avoid working and to mooch off the company for money! I swear…

While Ray looks down, he misses the look of wonder in Johnny’s eyes as the young Noble thinks back to last week’s episode with Marty and how he talked of some guy roughing him up.

Ray: It never ends with people around here, Johnny. Chumps wanna take, but they never give it back. So now, I look like an idiot because I sent you out to do this, to represent me. You can’t even do that! In the ring, you slip by on the skin of your teeth. Outside the ring, around here backstage, you can’t even drag a janitor, a JANITOR back to work without causing him to have post traumatic stress and hurl himself down the stairs!

Ray and Johnny both look frustrated, but for different reasons completely. The young intern turns to face the young Noble and points a finger at him in accusation.

Ray: It’s probably that temper of yours. You best keep yourself under control, Jonathan, or I’ll be forced to hand you over to Kurt. Believe me, he’d like nothing better than to fire your ass, brother or not.

Johnny takes a step forward and pushes Ray’s finger out of his face. He proceeds to look Ray right in the eye with a deathly serious expression.

Johnny: And you best keep your finger out of my face and stop acting like this shit is my fault. I’ll tell you what I told the janitor: I’m not an errand boy. But you feel free to keep treating me as such, Raymond. Because even if it gets my ass kicked onto the street, I’ll see to it that we settle our differences in the way of the streets.

A tense stand-off occurs between the two men as they stand toe-to-toe and face each other eye-to-eye. After several long and quiet seconds, Ray scoffs and shakes his head, snickering despite Johnny maintaining his seriousness.

Ray: Heh, ooookaaaaay, Johnny. Whatever you say…

Ray walks past Johnny toward the bathroom door before stopping and reaching into his pocket, pulling out a piece of paper. He hands it off to Johnny.

Ray: Here, tough guy, so you don’t forget what Uncle Raymond hooked you up with.

Johnny unfolds the paper and finds his match later on written down. He folds it back up and places it in his pocket, staring at Ray the entire time.

Johnny: Trust me, I won’t forget your ”generosity”. If anything, I’ll be thinking of you the entire time when I’m kicking one of these guys around the ring.

Ray begins to chew some mint-flavored gum to replace his puke breath as he shakes his head in amusement.

Ray: Hey, whatever keeps you going, tough guy. Just don’t throw a hissy fit and start tossing ice packs again. That shit ain’t exactly legal out there.

Johnny flashes a fake smile at Ray and gives a shrug of his shoulders to match it.

Johnny: Whatever.

Ray nods his head in approval, even though he knows Johnny is being sarcastic yet again.

Ray: Just remember, you’re out there representing the Kingdom of Pride AND me. So tonight, I want you to go out there and prove you’re still a safe investment! Otherwise, I may just take on the winner of this little Triple Threat as my client and leave you to rot, you understanding me, Johnny?

Johnny walks past Ray, pushing him aside, and moves out the door with a rather irritated shove to it.

Johnny: *half-ass tone* Yes, sir, Mr. Caravelle, Sir.

As Johnny exits the restroom, Ray stops and reexamines himself in the mirror for a minute. When he’s satisfied, he grins and nods his head.

Ray: There! Back to perfection.

Ray turns and starts to exit the restroom. As he does so, however, a middle aged stagehand walks by and collides right into Ray, splashing a full cup of coffee all over him! Ray gasps in shock as he looks over his dripping suit and the stagehand nervously looks around.

Ray: JESUS CHRIST!!

Stagehand: I’m sorry! I am SO sorry, sir!

Ray: My suit! Do you know how much this suit cost!?

Stagehand: Please, sir, forgive me! I deeply, deeply apologize! I was just-

Ray: Get the hell out of here before I report you, you little shit! God! The people I’m surrounded by!

Ray storms back into the restroom and the sound of running water is heard. The stagehand frowns and turns around as a grinning Johnny approaches him. Johnny reaches into his pocket and hands the man a 20 dollar bill.

Johnny: Thanks for the help.

Stagehand: No problem. But, uh, are you sure that was a good idea?

Johnny: Oh, I don’t care if it was or not. I just needed a good laugh.

The stagehand nods his head and watches as Johnny walks away with a cheeky smile on his face. The scene fades to black.

You Got Some Stuff There