Post by Better Than Johnny Noble on Aug 14, 2010 16:42:01 GMT -5
Some people deal with losses differently. Some people see the loss as a sign that they're not up to the mark they want to be at yet. They take the loss on the chin (these types of people normally have huge chins for some reason) and look to improve.
Then you get the people who have had a bit too much wine. I mean the whiners. They bitch and they moan about their defeat until everyone else mutes the TV when they show up (I'm looking at you here, Mr. Mathews).
Another type of person is those who ignore that the match even happened. They put it out of their mind because they know that they are better than the person who got a lucky punk ass win in a tag match which they could never replicate in a singles match if they so pulled their fucking finger out and accepted the e-mailed challenge. They know that they are still the best. in the world. at what. they do. do you understand. what I am typing. to you. right now.
So what category with John D Parker fit into? Personally I think it's obvious. So go on, take your guess.
I'll give you a few seconds to pick.
1
2
3
Picked yet?
4
5
WRONG!
ROFLMAO!
U SUCK!
John Parker is a unique individual. He deals with losses in his own bitter and twisted ways. Let's see how he's dealing with this one shall we!
!!!
"""
£££
$$$
%%%
^^^
&&&
***
(((
)))
___
+++
===
---
¬¬¬
```
Then you get the people who have had a bit too much wine. I mean the whiners. They bitch and they moan about their defeat until everyone else mutes the TV when they show up (I'm looking at you here, Mr. Mathews).
Another type of person is those who ignore that the match even happened. They put it out of their mind because they know that they are better than the person who got a lucky punk ass win in a tag match which they could never replicate in a singles match if they so pulled their fucking finger out and accepted the e-mailed challenge. They know that they are still the best. in the world. at what. they do. do you understand. what I am typing. to you. right now.
So what category with John D Parker fit into? Personally I think it's obvious. So go on, take your guess.
I'll give you a few seconds to pick.
1
2
3
Picked yet?
4
5
WRONG!
ROFLMAO!
U SUCK!
John Parker is a unique individual. He deals with losses in his own bitter and twisted ways. Let's see how he's dealing with this one shall we!
!!!
"""
£££
$$$
%%%
^^^
&&&
***
(((
)))
___
+++
===
---
¬¬¬
```
Our scene opens up with John Parker trotting alongside a handheld camera. Next to him is Bob. I might as well tell you now because he'll be a let down of a reveal (BIT LIKE DANI CLARKE SAYS HE IS IN BED! LMAO! >_>) that Chris is the camera man.
Chris: Where are we going, John?
Bob: Yeah man. I've been waiting like a month for this package of weed. I want to go and smoke the lot right now!
John Parker: Just keep moving and keep that camera rolling, Chris!
Chris: You told us you wanted to do a promo.
John Parker: Well I'm hardly dragging you around here to film some happy snapping for facebook!
John snapping is a rare sight and all three of them stop in their tracks. John looks irritable.
Bob: Would be funny though.
John Parker: Come on. He's getting away!
John points at someone disappearing into a car in the distance and he jumps into a golf buggy.
Bob and Chris follow him as John puts his foot down. Did I mention it's a super turbo powered golf buggy? Cause it is.
Bob and Chris follow him as John puts his foot down. Did I mention it's a super turbo powered golf buggy? Cause it is.
Chris: FAHKIN 'ELL SAHN. THIS IS FAHKIN FAST!
Bob sticks his head out at the side like a dog and his face ripples due to the air.
Bob: He he.
But who would own a super turbo powered golf buggy? Or has this just appeared out of no where for the convenience of this rp?
It's Flap Flanagan's.
It's Flap Flanagan's.
"Flap": Where is my golf buggy!
Flap looks annoyed but he notices a fan beckoning him over.
"Flap": BOOBIES! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Flap runs off so we return to find John swinging from side to side through traffic as he attempts to catch up to the fella he's following. Car horns beep and the gold buggy does it's own response. Of a kind.
Chris: OI. FAHK AWF SAHN. WE'LL DRIVE HOW WE LIKE!
Bob: So who are we following, John?
John Parker: Kurt Noble! That glee loving prick booked me in a match when I wanted the week off!
Bob: Huh?
Chris: He means he lost, m8. He never loses.
Bob: Oh
John Parker: Damn right! I'm JDP! I don't lose (except to McClean). Didn’t you see what happened out there? It was...
John nudges Chris who knows his role.
Chris: BOLLSHIT!
John Parker: ...SWC was screwed. It was...
Chris: FAHKIN BOLLSHIT!
John Parker: Cheers, Chris.
John nudges Bob. Who also knows his role. He sighs as he hands over his precious weed to Chris.
Bob: I hate you sometimes, John.
Before the conversation can continue "Kurt Noble" pulls into a car park. John follows and parks out of sight. And by out of sight we mean just behind him. "Kurt Noble" gets out and John charges at him.
John Parker: I ASKED FOR THE WEEK OFF YOU PRICKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!
"Kurt" turns around to get a humungous bitchslap from John. Which Chris gets on camera. So I guess Bob got his happy slapping in the end. There is an issue though. As "Kurtis" the weed collapses he lands on John's foot. Or rather his toe. Or rather his ingrown toenail.
John Parker: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! BASTARD, FAGGOT, CUNT, MORON, JEW, NIGGER, FUCKTARD!
Whilst John hops around in pain "Kurt" makes a dash for it. Until he suddenly collapses to the floor. John and Chris (with the camera) turn to find Bob holding a sniper rifle with darts in them.
John Parker: Where the hell did you get that from?
Bob: I don't know. I just found it here. It was either use that or the bazooka. The owner of the buggy must have left it behind.
We cut away to find Flap balls deep in the blonde fan. But you can't see that. Blame KoP management. Specifically Kyle. God we all hate that Kyle. Don't believe me?
Tollllllllllllllllld Youuuuuuuuuuuuuu.
Tollllllllllllllllld Youuuuuuuuuuuuuu.
Chris: Let's have a look at this fella then.
Bob and Chris head over to join John next to "Kurt Noble" and they turn him over.
Chris: ..........
Bob: ..........
John Parker: What?
Bob: Errr. That aint Kurt Noble.
John Parker: WHAT?!
Chris: Nah m8. This is just another gay bellend. But not THE gay bellend.
We get an image filmed from above as John stares up at the sky and screams with clenched fists.
John Parker: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
The real Kurt Noble drives past with a maniacal laugh as we fade out.
-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-
Back at John's flat we find SWC moving a load of his suitcases inside.
-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-
Back at John's flat we find SWC moving a load of his suitcases inside.
John Parker: I still think it's brilliant that you're moving in just for the team bonding! Especially when you have all those huge houses in exotic places like China, and India, and Kenya, and London, and China, and Florida, and LA, and China, and Lapland - god I love Santa - and C--
SWC: Enough! Now where do you want this stuff?
John Parker: In the boiler room.
SWC: Huh?
John Parker: That's where you're going to have to sleep.
SWC: A FUCKING BOILER ROOM?!?!?!?! WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE SOFA?!?!?!?!
John Parker: My brother sleeps there.
John motions to his brother.
John Parker: Now, me and Kyle have some stuff to deal with. Unless you want to help?
SWC: I'll leave you to it.
SWC drags the rest of his stuff away as John walks over to Kyle.
John Parker: We need to sort this bullcrap out, bro. Last week was favouritism. Fucking favouritism.
Kyle Parker: Dobby must help Harry Potter!
John bitchslaps Kyle.
Kyle Parker: Eh, sorry. It just comes out sometimes.
John Parker: No problem. But as I was saying last week shouldn't have happened. Especially as I expressly asked for any week off where I was going to lose!
Kyle Parker: Technically you didn't lose. You can blame it on SWC and keep your job.
SWC: Hey! I heard that!
Kyle Parker: Dobby's sorry! Dobby's sorry! Bad Dobby! Bad Dobby!
Kyle grabs a light and starts to smash himself over the head with it over...and over...and over...again. This time John is less quick to slap him out of it. Because it's funny. But eventually he does with another slap.
Kyle Parker: Sorry.
John Parker: You really need to see someone about that, bro.
Kyle Parker: Yeah, maybe.
John Parker: But less of your problems. Let's get back to me! We need to make last week go away.
Kyle Parker: Like pretend it never happened go away? Or 'go away' go away?
John Parker: I think you know.
John makes an evil laugh.
John Parker: But not just for me. I mean, if such favouritism got out KoP might die! Die I tell you!
Kyle Parker: Ok, chill bro. I've got this.
Kyle reaches into a random sock he carries around and pulls out a laptop. In a second he has it set up and is typing away.
John Parker: AHHHHHHHHHHH! TECHNOLOGY!
John runs around the room but Kyle's seen it all before so he just continues to type away.
Kyle Parker: They're deleted.
John Parker: Already?
Kyle Parker: Yup.
John Parker: Wow. I mean. Cheers bro.
John Parker: So whilst you're on there who am I against this week? I have a winning streak to continue!
Kyle glances from side to side nervously.
Kyle Parker: I err...I might have deleted that too.
John Parker: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF- BAD KYLE! BAD KYLE!
John grabs a lamp and passes it to his brother.
John Parker: Do the bad Dobby thing again! Go go go go!
Kyle smiles nervously as he weakly taps his head with the lamp.
John Parker: Actually. Hold on a minute. If it's all been deleted. Then I have no match! Woooooooooooo!
SWC walks in to ruin this perfect moment for poor ickle JDP.
SWC: No, you do. And you're going to win. You're representing both of us this time and I'm going to be there to back you up. You better do better than last week.
John Parker: THERE WAS NO LAST WEEK!
SWC: Ah. Good point. I might get a contract yet!
SWC and JDP show a rare sign of a united front as the high five. Fade out.
